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Writting;
Writting;

by aden's in Narrative Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction

This thread was created on September 28, 2008
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Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
Poisoned Roses--Prologue
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 1
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 2
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 3
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 4
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 5
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 6
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 7
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 8
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 9
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 10
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 11
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 12
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 13
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 14
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 15
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 17
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 18

Poisoned Roses--Chapter 16

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ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 6:22 pm    Post subject: Poisoned Roses--Chapter 16 Reply with quote

All right, this is kind of an intense chapter, kind of graphic in many ways and some language, so just be warned.

But yeah, hopefully this one is still good Wink

Happy Reading!

____________________________

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

That night, I can’t sleep. An image of Isaac’s hurtful expression and sorrowful eyes fills my mind, pushing sleep from me. I toss and turn but it does no good. Isaac haunts me as surely as I know he will haunt me at school on Monday. Groaning, I sit up. Peering through the gloom, I see Nora lying peacefully on her back, her familiar snoring washing over me. I take comfort in that and traverse to the window. Moonlight filters down through the trees, hitting me with it’s ghostly light. I hug my arms to my chest, taking in a ragged breath. I can see Isaac as clearly as if he stands before me, those beautiful eyes, usually filled with merriment, cloudy with anger and sadness. That immaculate face, so smooth and warm, pinched with frustration.

I force my eyes open and press my forehead against the cool pane of glass. It soothes my skin which is still oddly warm. I sigh deeply, my breath fogging up the glass. I grin when I see the fog and draw a smile-y face with my finger. Then my smile fads when Isaac enters my mind again. Why does he torture me so? I scream inside my head, softly pounding my fists on the window. I let my eyes slip open, looking down into the grounds around the Manor. That’s when I first see the sliver of shadow shift and take form. Gaping like a fish out of water, I pry open the window and as quietly as I can, remove the screen. Then the voice from below hits my ears, sending a pulse of joy through my system. Isaac weaves drunkenly from side to side, crying out my name in slurred words. My anger sparks and without thinking, I leap fluidly through the window, landing smoothly before him. He jumps, shouting in alarm. I cover his mouth with my hands, dragging him into the shadows. “What is wrong with you?” I demand once we are far enough away from the Manor, removing my hands from his face.

“Sophia?” Isaac’s voice croaks with relief.

“Yes, now what is the meaning of this?” I ask again, but Isaac rushes forward and gathers me into his embrace. I can’t help but melt into his arms; his scent—I sniff again—is covered by cologne. “You wore cologne?” I ask him softly.

“You said it was hard for you to control it so I decided to help you out a little bit,” he whispers, still slurring.

My anger returns now. “Have you been drinking?”

“No!” He sounds angry as well. “If you haven’t noticed, it is four in the morning and I am just a little tired.”

“Well then go back to bed,” I order, stepping out of his arms after making sure that I smell no alcohol on his clothing or blood.

“No, I came here to see you.” Isaac pulls me close again. “You can’t possibly believe that after last night, after I confessed that I cared for you that I would just let you go.”

“Isaac, it’s not possible for you to feel so strongly for me. We have only known each other for—“

“Four months, I know. So what? What about Romeo and Juliet? They fell in love in one night!”

“That’s different. It’s a fairy tale, not reality.”

“You’re supposed to be a fairy tale as well.”

“More like a nightmare,” I grumble.

“No, a fairy tale to me.” Isaac grins wickedly before leaning down and planting a solid kiss on me. I try to fight him but my two halves instantly engage themselves and I can’t help but enjoy his taste, his scent drifting from his mouth onto my face. His kisses are powerful and leave me gasping for air. I know I should push him away, end it tonight. But he wedges my body between him and a tree, leaving no place for escape. I could easily push him away with one arm but I know that if I did, I could seriously hurt him. So I stay perfectly still, fighting against my two halves. “Do you still want to send me away?” he asks around my lips, his hands hugging my waist.

“Yes,” I gasp out, “Yes.”

“So you want me to leave and never come back?”

“Yes,” I say softer than before, reaching defeat, for his lips are leaving a sizzling trail along my jaw and I can’t think straight.

His head comes back up and kisses my lips softly. “You are such a liar,” he remarks with a grin, molding his lips to mine again. His scent fills my nostrils and my fingers knot themselves into his hair, holding him to me. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” I tell him as his lips resume their trail along my jaw. “It isn’t right.”

“Who are you to say what is right or wrong?” he challenges me with a light chuckle, his lips pressing against the hallow of my throat. His heart beat pounds in my ears, his blood thick with adrenaline. I can feel it in his pulse as his wrist brushes my cheek. The blood-hunger is back and my hands move to his neck, loving the way his heart beats faster when I brush my nails across the large vein in his throat. I kiss him soundly on the lips before moving to his neck. I kiss the large vein, thick with blood. I smell his scent, so unbearably attractive to me.

Just one tiny bite…one small nip…just one taste…

But I know that once I taste him, I wouldn’t be able to stop until I satisfied my thirst, draining the life out of him. I shudder at the thought and force my lips back to his own. But Isaac had felt me shiver and pulls back slightly to look me in the eye. “What is it?” he asks, running a gentle thumb from my temple to my check. I can’t look at him, ashamed of my hunger, of my weakness. “The cologne isn’t helping, is it?” he guesses my thoughts.

“No, it worked…until you started kissing me.” I smile weakly up at him.

“So—“ But just then, we hear the snap of a stick and freeze. I put a finger to Isaac’s lips, silencing any questions he might want to ask. I breathe deeply, taking in all the scents of the forest and of our intruder.

The scent is undeniably sweet—a vampire’s scent. But I can’t make it out. That’s when I smell the second intruder and know immediately who it is. The scent is tangy and sour and I wrinkle my nose in disgust. “Rebecca,” I sneer under my breath.

“Rebecca?” Isaac mouths in confusion. I realize then the danger Isaac is in and a spasm of panic hits me squarely in the chest.

“You shouldn’t be here!” I hiss. “They could find you—“ but a twig snaps again and I realize that Rebecca and her partner are moving steadily towards us. “Climb!” I order, pointing to the large oak behind us. Isaac glances at me like I have lost my mind, but I give him a forceful shove and he obeys. Once he is high up in the tree, I follow behind him. Perching on a thick branch, we wait.

Rebecca, her hair standing out in the darkness, enters from the forest first. She is clothed in a black cloak with the hood pulled up and what looks to be black leather pants as well. Her boots are flat-soled and walk silently through the forest. I see that it is her partner who makes all the noise. I don’t recognize him but he is clothed in the same attire as Rebecca is—all black. “Knock it off!” Rebecca snaps. “The whole Coven will hear you!”

“But Reb—“

“What did I tell you to call me?” she cuts in, her voice dripping venom.

Lady Rebecca,” the man whines. “We’ve been walking for hours. Lady Rebecca? I think, my hands clenching into fists. Only the female members of Ashton’s Coven could be called by such a title. Who does Rebecca think she is?

“Oh, shut up you! I know he’s out here. I smelt him from my room.” My whole body tenses and I glance, horror-stricken, at Isaac who mirrors my expression. Rebecca wants to feast!

“But he’s only one human. I can go without.” The man shivers in the cold.

“But I am thirsty, Vincent, and I want that human,” Rebecca grumbles in frustration. I swallow hard, clutching at Isaac’s hand and squeezing it tight. He squeezes back and I look into his eyes. “Trust me?” I whisper into his ear. He nods loyally, and I plant a swift kiss upon his lips before leaping soundlessly from one tree to the next. Once I am a few feet behind Rebecca, I land onto the earth, purposively making noise. “What was that?” Rebecca whirls around, her cloak flapping around her ankles. “Show yourself!” she demands, and I step into the moonlight.

“Out for a stroll, Rebecca?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

“What are you doing out here, Sophia? Breaking the rules again?” she says with a superior tone.

“I see that you are as well,” I note with a growl.

“I have no rules governing me. Philip is no longer my leader.”

“You still live under the roof of this Coven which means he is still your leader, no matter what you say,” I remark, my knees bending into a defensive crouch.

“What are you going to do, Sophia? Fight me? Ha!” Rebecca shares a laugh with her partner who snorts with glee. “Go back to bed, Newborn. You are out of your league.”

“I think not. You many be a fully-fledged Adult, but you still act like a Newborn.”

“Don’t disgrace me, Sophia,” she snarls.

“Fighting with Philip? Feasting on humans? Sure sounds like a Newborn to me.”

“You know nothing! Philip has been holding this Coven back. Been holding us all back! Don’t you ever get frustrated with the rules? I know you do, Sophia, for why would you break them if you weren't. I know you are confused with Philip’s need to control as I was growing up. But now I know the truth. I have been told that this Coven will fall.”

“Told by who?” I wonder with heightened interest.

Rebecca’s face pales. I see her fumble for an answer when her partner speaks. “Rebecca, let’s go back. He is not here.” The partner starts off for the Manor. Rebecca goes to follow, flashing me a steely glare, when the wind lifts the hair off of my shoulders. Rebecca’s whole body tenses and with one smooth movement, she has me pinned up against a tree, her claws digging into my shoulders. “Where is he?” she hisses, her eyes a hungry brown. Her hair is a wild frizz of curls around her head, reminding me yet again of a lioness hunting for prey.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I whisper, grimacing in pain as her nails dig deeper.

“I smell him on you!” She throws me to the ground. “Now tell me where he is! I need him!” I see that familiar glint of insanity in her eyes and shiver in fear. I remember back to when I first changed and how I would get that same glint if I even got a whiff of a human near me. Now I see that Rebecca has resorted back to these primitive ways so to feast on the blood she most craves.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I repeat clearly, and Rebecca lets out a strangled snarl of rage.

“Tell me now!” she screeches, her claws slashing through the air, aiming for my face. I dodge and know that the only way I can save Isaac is to distract Rebecca long enough for him to escape. I let my body arch and bend and soon I am crouched as Rebecca is, my nails long, my eyes a crazy emerald green. “You bitch! Tell me!” Rebecca screams again, lunging at my face. I swerve and with a swipe of my own, make contact with her side. She squeals and spins, kicking my legs out from under me. Scrambling back upwards, I meet her head on and we tumble to the ground, kicking and scratching. In the background, I concentrate on Isaac’s smell and track him to where he is. He is out of the tree…he’s running as fast as he can away from here…

Good, he is safe. I think with inner pride but in my lapse of concentration, Rebecca slices down my face, drawing blood. I cry out and roll away from her. That’s when I hear her partner shouting for her. Rebecca reacts and scrambles to her feet, her foot making contact with my head sending pinpricks of pain through my skull. She then stands over my frame that is shivering in the dirt. She spits at my feet before sprinting away into the surrounding trees. I take a deep breath, waiting for her footsteps to vanish before struggling to my feet. I touch the side of my face and wince when I feel the blood, icy like frozen water. My head spins at the loss of it and of the pain shooting through it and soon my body gives in to darkness.


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Last edited by ashleylee on Sun Sep 28, 2008 7:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 7:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woah.

talk about Cat Fight. major cat fight.

I would do some proof-reading because you have some words that don't fit.

and you didn't need to rated it "R". i have read somethings that are worse than that. so it's a PG-13.

It was good to see Issac and Sophia kissing again, then Rebecca decided to show up. Rebecca going to tell, isn't she?

well, i will just have to stay tuned for another chapter.

talk to you later.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 7:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Night Mistress:

Yeah, I'm not sure if this is the right direction to go with this...

All right. I'll go read through it and see what things I see Wink

Thanks so much for looking through this, Bri!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 12:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, very very intense!

This was wicked good! I'm glad Isaac and Sophia got together again, but is he going to still stick around after Rebecca?? Aw man!! I can't wait for more!

Oh and wouldn't Rebecca run after Isaac once he jumped down from the tree? or was she too distracted? hmm..... Smile


Just proof read, you have a couple of little mistakes but they're not major.

~Dommy Very Happy

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 1:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dommy65:

Thanks, Dommy!

Yeah, Rebecca was too distracted with Sophia to notice him running. But I guess you'll have to wait and see about the other question you asked....Wink

I'm glad you liked it! Very Happy

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 3:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow this was really good, I'm seriously addicted to this ashley, you are such a great writer!! I can't wait for more & thank you for PMing me by the way Very Happy
Lucyy xx

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 3:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lucyy:

Thanks, Luc! Very Happy

No problem about the PM thing. it is becoming habit now Wink lol

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 2:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow.

That was just wow. I loved that chapter and the one before that and the one before that lol. You really are seriously talented. Just a few quick things, firstly i love how you describe the tension between Isaac and sophia, it gives me goosebumps. Wink

Another thing is that I was slightly dissapointed, and i mean only a tiny tiny bit, that rebecca didn't see him trying to escape or that her mate didn't see.

Also it would have been awsome to see Isaac trying to protect sophia, as this is what i thought he would try to do, obviously it wouldn't help her at all. But he is smarted than that i think, he probably knew he would have been no help.

Overall very great, sorry i have been reading off and on, but i am all caught up now and loving every word.

PM me when you put out the next chapter!

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

WOAH...

That was amazing! Very intense, it was fantastic!

Sorry, can't really give you much of a review. The only thing I can say like you have heard is go back and give just a careful once over. You have just a few grammar mistakes and awkward phrases.

Other then that this was just awesome. I can't wait to find out what happens...I hope they stay together. How can Sophia abandon him after all this? They HAVE to stay together.

Oh well, I guess I just have to wait. So on your ending note it was just simply superb and I loved it! GREAT JOB!
Thanks for the PM by the way!Wink

-Your Devoted Reader

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

endless_secrets:

Thanks for mentioning some of that stuff. Very Happy First, that guy wasn't Rebecca's mate Confused I know that it seems like it and I was really worried about readers thinking that but you'll see more as the story goes on. Also, Isaac just kind of trusted Sophia's judgement there so I'm glad you caught onto that. I was nervous there too Wink

But thanks so much, endless, for reading all these chapters! It means so much to me that you like them so much! Very Happy

omsvmars22:

No problem, mars! I'm getting better at the PMing thing as we go hehe

But I'm glad you liked this chapter! From here on out, I am really nervous about posting because it is so rough and getting really intense like this so if you ever notice something off, just please let me know.

Thanks so much, mars! Very Happy

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ashley-
Whoa. Dude, Rebecca's feisty.
I seriously thought Rebecca was going to do something to Issac. Then again, Sophia was there. And she was tempted to do it, also.
I do hope Issac is safe and doesn't get hurt. Especially from Rebecca.
Okay, the emotions and desire was well put. The MC's thoughts were well described. The cat-fight confrontation felt real in ways that could be put in real life. --If that made any sense. Confused
I truly can't think of anything else. This was well written and I do hope you continue.
If you do continue with this, remember to pm me.
-Merry

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 10:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Merry_Haven:

Yeah, she is pretty feisty Wink hehe

Thanks for taking the time to read this, Merry!

I promise to PM you when the next chapter comes up.

Thanks again Very Happy

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OMG!CLIFF-HANGER! I totally 100% loved the ending of this chapter. My new thing is that I pick a quote or something out of the passage so here it goes....

Good, he is safe. I think with inner pride but in my lapse of concentration, Rebecca slices down my face, drawing blood. I cry out and roll away from her. That’s when I hear her partner shouting for her. Rebecca reacts and scrambles to her feet, her foot making contact with my head sending pinpricks of pain through my skull. She then stands over my frame that is shivering in the dirt. She spits at my feet before sprinting away into the surrounding trees. I take a deep breath, waiting for her footsteps to vanish before struggling to my feet. I touch the side of my face and wince when I feel the blood, icy like frozen water. My head spins at the loss of it and of the pain shooting through it and soon my body gives in to darkness.[quote]

I couldn't just pick one thing it was all to good. I think this was your best chapter yet. LOVED IT!

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 4:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In_the_Moonlight:

Ah, thanks Very Happy You are too nice.

This was a really fun chapter for me to write so I'm glad you liked it.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 11:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was a great chapter!

I'm glad Isaac and Sophia are back together. Wow, action and romance, great mixtures. There isn't really anything wrong with this but I really really love this story. And I must say it is as good as Twilight, so keep up the good work and please do get this published.


Ta for now,

~Angel

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