Topic ID: 36418
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Kairii
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300 Points
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 Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 1:01 pm Post subject: Best Friends For Never |
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You said we were forever
Best friends till the end
And then cut me with your words
Again and again and again.
And you expect me
To sit and take it.
You expect me to smile
Even if I have to fake it.
But you break me apart
And you kill me inside
And you take and take
And I'm biding my time.
And I know that this isn't
The way it should be
We should be best friends
You and me.
We had always been
Best friends forever
I don't want us to be
Best friends for never. |
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xGraceex
Senior Writer
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Posts: 238
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Country: rainy old england
320 Points
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| Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 1:25 pm Post subject: :P |
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I liked it, its the first poem on here that i have read about your best friend hurting you, and i think you really expressed your emotions in it. One thing though - what could your best friend have done to make you write she kills you inside? if a person does that how could you be friends with them?! lol i really liked your poem, five stars from me  |
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silverSUNLIGHTx
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496 Points
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| Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject: |
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I completely understand. This is a really emotional poem and i get where it's coming from, but you might want to reword a few things. Maybe add some more descriptive words to make it more poetic.
But over all it was good.
nice job. |
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A writer and nothing else: a man alone in a room with the English language, trying to get human feelings right. ~John K. Hutchens |
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lordgluzman
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435 Points
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| Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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| not bad |
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Amira15
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 5:26 am Post subject: |
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| Its really interesting. Having your best friend hurt you badly as I can read. Good emotion, Nothing but nod's of excellence from me. |
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parisanmilo
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300 Points
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 12:09 pm Post subject: |
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dude try going through 7 years of repetitive 'break-ups' and tell me whether it's overdramatic to not move on and see life itself.
the poem reminds me of a clichéd movie, where the two best friends are gonna hug each other in the end
but hey, people look for fantasy and better lives, thus the existence of clichés.
but, on the positive side,
sounds more like a song tho, good flow
and it's relatable and this kinda shit really happens a lot, thus good in those terms
it's simple, upfront and easy to read, i like it. |
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CrazyBob
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 3:31 pm Post subject: |
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| Friends always let you down, it seems, and all you have is yourself. It's a lonely and selfish world, and you're lucky if you can find one decent person who cares about you and gives back. Anyway, the poem could definitely use some imagery, as it is mainly just feelings and ideas being dealt with abstractly. Try to find some images that would be applicable here, perhaps as a metaphor for your feelings. |
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wombat
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300 Points
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| Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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I have been through the same thing myself just last year and I think your poem was a good expression of the emotions that you feel when it happens.
It sounds quite a lot like a song and I loved it =) |
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