Topic ID: 36366
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200397
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Country: land of the free, home of the brave . . .
788 Points
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 Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 2:02 am Post subject: Heartbeat |
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This is another English assignment. We were supposed to describe our favorite color by describing what we think of when we see it. I came up with this, and I put a lot of effort into it, too! So, please critique! Written in blank verse, my preferred style of poetry. Some of the similes and things I thought of are a little wacky. 
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Thump thump thump thump.
A heartbeat, beating time
is what comes to mind
when I think of the color
red.
Thump thump thump thump.
Blood coursing through
narrow veins, cleaning,
purging, sustaining life.
I think of life
when I think of red.
I think of the crackling of fire,
the comforting warmth of blankets.
I think of pages, dry and smooth.
Red makes me feel safe and warm.
In the color red there is
passion, there is love.
In red there is a
heartbeat.
Thump thump thump thump.
Life, love, heartbeat.
Fierce, yet calm.
Quiet, timid, yet
alive.
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oneeyedunicornhunter
Senior Writer
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Age: 16
Joined: 21 Mar 2008
Posts: 231
Reviews: 101
384 Points
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 2:45 am Post subject: |
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The descriptions went very nicely with the theme. It was short, but I can tell that a lot of personal memory and feeling went into it.
The "thumpthumpthumpthump" made it somewhat humorous. I think this is a poem anyone can read and smile at.
And anyone who doesn't smile at it is a heartless monster!
Just kidding.
Good job, anyways! |
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Ethan
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Country: Australia
300 Points
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 3:21 am Post subject: Re: Heartbeat |
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I enjoyed the overall flow of the poem, and the imagery and themes were well integrated.
| 200397 wrote: |
In the color red there is
passion, there is love.
In red there is a
heartbeat.
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Repetition was used nicely (in reference to "there" in the quoted stanza), but I was really hoping for some forms of rhyming in the poem. Even ambiguous use of assonance would have made it sound a bit more complex and lyrical.
Though, it was good regardless.  |
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xGraceex
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Country: rainy old england
320 Points
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| Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 2:24 pm Post subject: :P |
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I really liked it, it was so different from the normal things where "red = blood and red = hate blah blah blah"
I think you described the colour red in a totaly differnt way from that
which i like becuase different is always so much more exciting 
keep writing cant wait to read more!
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