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This thread was created on September 22, 2008
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Do you remember me
Topic ID: 36354
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lulu_daisy_101
Novice
Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 22 May 2008 Posts: 9 Reviews: 4
300 Points
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Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 9:38 pm Post subject: Do you remember me |
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I can still remember that day, that day so long ago I was sitting in the passenger side of the car. eating my Tim Horton's chocolate chip muffin, and drinking my small chocolate milk. My younger sister was sitting in the back seat, eating the same thing. As we were pulling into the drive way, and my dad look down at me, and then looked at my younger sister, starting to tear up as he said
"girls, I'm going away for awhile, across Canada. I don't know for how long, but its better if were apart." and dropped us off at our moms house, and drove away.
At the time I didn't know what he meant by a longtime. I never knew a longtime meant almost 7 years. Until that one day when he showed up again.
Standing in the doorway of the hotel room with his soon to be wife, and two photo albums
and he said "hey girls, do you remember me?" |
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Jake on a boat
Novice

Gender:  Age: 14 Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Posts: 6 Reviews: 0 Country: USA 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 10:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Excellently done. I like how you used the quote in the middle, it made the poem feel more alive. Good job! |
_________________ Jake is...
Somewhere far, far away. |
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The Cheshire Cat
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 83 Reviews: 27 Country: USA 297 Points
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Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 2:27 am Post subject: |
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| Jeez...I've been in the exact same situation. Are you writing this from personal experiance or creative expression? Whichever it is, somehow, this poem hits me where it counts. Excelent job! My one idea is that you break your writing into stanzas, only because the first little bit stretched out the board, and made it difficult to read. Other then that, amazing! |
_________________ James Bond: Do you expect me to talk?
Goldfinger: No Mister Bond, I expect you to die! |
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| This thread was created on September 22, 2008 |
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