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This thread was created on September 21, 2008
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Topic ID: 36320
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Princess
Novelist
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 25 Aug 2008
Posts: 267
Reviews: 70
Country: Candyland
593 Points
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 Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 9:35 pm Post subject: Time |
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Time
It flies by us, when we're having fun.
It makes the moon rise, and lowers the radiant sun.
It wrinkles a young face, with old age.
It breaks a teenager's bonds, from the motherly cage.
It beats a mountain, until it falls.
It births a child, whenever life calls.
It changes the verses, while you're reading this rhyme.
How this all happens, you will know, with time. |
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Last edited by Princess on Sun Sep 21, 2008 10:27 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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lilchoma
Junior Writer
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Age: 16
Joined: 17 Sep 2008
Posts: 49
Reviews: 24
300 Points
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| Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 10:19 pm Post subject: |
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aww...this is a really nice poem. i mean, the content is pretty normal stuff, the kind of things that everyone thinks about, in terms of time passing by, but you put it in really nice lanuage that flows pretty well...so i really like this poem.
okay, well i usually don't critique grammatical stuff, but this was just bugging me:
"It breaks a teenage's bond's, from the motherly cage."
1. It should be "bonds", without the apostrophe
2. No apostrophe after bonds, it is unnecesary
okay that's all that stuck out to me. otherwise, very nice poem. keep it up. |
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xGraceex
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 18 Sep 2008
Posts: 238
Reviews: 76
Country: rainy old england
320 Points
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| Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 1:48 pm Post subject: :) |
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I love it, it was so true, non of it was a lie  it was written really well, and it has so mcuh meaning behind the words, they are the best kind of poems lol keep writing more! no complaints from me, it was perfect  |
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| This thread was created on September 21, 2008 |
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