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Darkness is soft..
Darkness is soft..

by Princess in Lyric Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on September 20, 2008
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Looking Glass Prologue
Looking Glass Ch.1
Looking Glass Ch. 2
Looking Glass Ch.3
Looking Glass Ch. 5
Looking Glass

Looking Glass Ch.4

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Kaylyn   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 10:04 pm    Post subject: Looking Glass Ch.4 Reply with quote

~ Chapter Four ~

Fallyn came through the other side of the Looking Glass. Glancing down she discovered that she still held it. Unusual sounds caught her ears, it sounded like birds, but a tad more musical than that.

Quickly enough she found the source of the noise, there was an oddly colored tree that had purple bark and bright green leaves. The limbs waved back and forth as if to greet her, but there was no wind. Blinking furiously she tried to will it into turning normal. A voice interrupted her observations.

“This isn’t the world you knew,” Raiyne whispered quietly. “It is vitally important that you accept and embrace everything around you. Don’t try to make sense of it, because you won’t.”

Gazing upwards at the heavens, Fallyn noticed that there was also a different sky. It was also purple with streaks of blue and orange, colors of the rainbow swirled round. One thing was the same though, a pale white crescent moon stood in the corner of the sky.

Relaxing she turned to Raiyne again; the moon had always calmed her. Night was peaceful in her opinion, not a time to be feared of monsters and things unseen.

“What world is this?” Fallyn asked with awe. This place intrigued her and she wanted to know more of this mystery.

“Realm,” she corrected, her mother corrected her. “This is Elvna,” she said.

“Elvna,” Fallyn repeated, loving the sound it made as she said it.

“There are seven Realms in this Universe,” she said explaining, “Earth, Elvna, Raiyne, Sadhbe, Moira, Grainne, and the most special one of all, Fallyn.”

“Fallyn is a place of wonders. It is run by the Faeries although everyone is welcome there. It is a particularly advanced city, that is as close Utopia as anything can get. Proverty is non-existant, and joy is among everyone that lives there. It is a truely magical place, and a place full of wonders.”

“I was named after the special city?” she asked grateful to have a connection to this otherworldly phenomenon.

“No,” she said looking at me directly into her eyes.

Fallyn's heart dropped and she continued.

“It was named after you,” she said.

She gasped with surprise and stuttered, “Bu-but how? How would they know about me?”

“What do you remember before I left you?” she asked.

Staring at her with a blank expression Fallyn replied, “Nothing, nothing but my name.”

Her mother cursed aloud. “You don’t remember anything?”

Fallyn shoke her head as a way to answer, while her mother erupted a stream of profanity, she took the time to take in her surrounding. This certainly had to be a piece of paradise. Over to her left a pristine waterfall tumbled down a mountain of different colored rocks. Everything was colorful here, like the walls in her secret room.

“Are you through now?” Fallyn asked her mother in the middle of a particularly nasty phrase. She hated to hear people curse. What was the good of it anyway? It got nothing done.

Raiyne looked shocked and effectively quit her tirade. Her eyes were comically big and round, seeming to take up her whole face. Fallyn let her blank face melt away and she burst out into laughter.

“What’s so funny?” her mother demanded.

Oh, right the Warrior Queen probably wasn’t used to being interrupted and laughed at. Abruptly she stopped, this was no laughing matter after all, and she had things to do. Still though that face… Fallyn chortled.

“Nothing, nothing,” Fallyn quickly amended, “Just a thought, nothing more.”

“We have work to do now daughter,” she said as she took her hand into hers. “We have many years we both need to make up for, in training and in each other.” Raiyne said as she looked at Fallyn with affection.

She smiled; finally she was going to find out about her mother and the past she had never known. These, she knew, would play a key part in her future.


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Last edited by Kaylyn on Thu Sep 25, 2008 12:15 am; edited 5 times in total
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 12:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Moira? isn't that the Dwarvish city in the mountains in 'Lord of the Rings'? Here, you skip from third person, to first person, then back again. But, I still really like it.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, I am trying to break myself out of the POV switching habit, I'll change it.

Moira is just a name I got off the Internet, it sounded like a city, I had no idea it was in Lord of the Rings. I haven't read that book in four years, I'll find another name for it though. Thanks for pointing it out. I can't see it sometimes.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 11:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually, the name in Lord of the Rings is Moria....I think...lol Anyway, that sounded pretty good. I can't wait to see what happens in the future-your story caught me and I'm officially ensnared in it's clutches! I liked the part where you described Raiyne's face after Fallyn interrupted her cursing-it made me laugh to picture it. Anyway, it was a bit short, and there were a few grammatical errors, but other than that it was pretty good. Keep up the good work! Very Happy

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 3:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really enjoyed the additional factor you added with the 7 realms nice job!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glad I could help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 3:09 pm    Post subject: Review Reply with quote

Ok this is the best chapter of them all. Descriptions, actions and reactions. Nothing to say or to add at this part. And yes - the name in the LOTR is Moria. Love the idea of the 7 realms.

Quote:
“No,” she said looking at me directly into her eyes.


Fallyn's heart dropped and she continued.


“It was named after you,” she said.


...Hic! If I would be in Fallyn`s place I would surely burst out into a nervous laughter and start yelling at her all the things that I have in my mind. *giggle* Luck!

-Akayl

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