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This thread was created on September 20, 2008
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pain
Topic ID: 36264
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blackhole
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 Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 4:48 pm Post subject: pain |
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sitting alone in my own despair
in the lunch room of death
watching people eat their souls as if it's their last meal
wondering wondering whats driving them whats provokes them
then i realize the truth to what drives them
not god not the devil
no one but their own desire
me i just watch
asking myself where will i go next
will i stay here forever or leave this horrible place
thats a question only god himself can answer
me i can't comprehend whats really going on in life |
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Maki-Chan
Ganbaru! I will do my best!
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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Cool, this is somewhat strange and interesting.
| Quote: |
thats a question only god himself can answer
me i can't comprehend whats really going on in life |
My favorite part!
All you have yo do s capidalize some stuff, then its good to go ^_^ |
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The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
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October Girl
We're gonna do this October style
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| Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 3:33 pm Post subject: Re: pain |
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| blackhole wrote: |
sitting alone in my own despair
in the lunch room of death
watching people eat their souls as if it's their last meal
wondering wondering whats driving them whats provokes them
then i realize the truth to what drives them
not god not the devil
no one but their own desire
me i just watch
asking myself where will i go next
will i stay here forever or leave this horrible place
thats a question only god himself can answer
me i can't comprehend whats really going on in life |
OK so here's my idea of what it should look like, but you know it's yours this is just my opinion
[/b]Sitting alone in my own despair,>>capitalize S and put a comma.
in the lunch room of death.>>akward
watching people eat their souls as if it's their last meal,>>>comma
wondering wondering whats driving them whats provokes them>>>I would change this it seems too wordy.
then i realize the truth to what drives them.>>capatlize all "i"
Not God not the Devil >>>I'd capitalize all of these
no one but their own desire;>>semmi
me i just watch
asking myself where will i go next
will i stay here forever or leave this horrible place
thats a question only god himself can answer
me i can't comprehend whats really going on in life.
OK so I just totally killed your poem sorry
-Max |
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My name is Max
I am a 15 mother of Ben and Bailee...
CAUTION! Broken heart up ahead |
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BobcatPoet
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| Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 7:13 am Post subject: |
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| You express your emotions well. |
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| This thread was created on September 20, 2008 |
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