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Another Day Awake
Another Day Awake

by anti-pop in Dramatic Poetry
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This thread was created on September 20, 2008
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Ciqton introduction

Ciqton Chapter 1

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 4:12 pm    Post subject: Ciqton Chapter 1 Reply with quote

Ciqton

Chapter 1

Rictus Ulban

Jeeroy’s face was a picture of utmost horror and pain. In the long line of people behind him, all of which he was shackled too, most shared his expression, others wept, and some just stared, devoid of all emotion, ahead of them. They were waiting. Waiting for death. Jeeroy strained his ears for the noise of people above, but knew that there would be little noise to be heard even above ground on the outer defences, other than a constant clanking, filling you up, and, in the case of some of the people around him, emptying them out again. It felt like the world had been destroyed, even though, Jeeroy knew, there was a world outside the sphere, however, for all its people and contents, Ciqton was the world. And it was most certainly destroyed. Even should the war be won, Jeeroy knew that still, there could be no freedom. Power was the driver of the city, and the outside world was too big for power beyond measure. But the city was too small for life. Jeeroy had always told his children that they would grow up too be freed, and smell pure, clean, untainted air. Jeeroy knew that that was all that kept them going. Without him there, the family had no money, no shelter, and no hope. Jeeroy swallowed down his thoughts. They would find a way forwards. They would not be doomed to share his unfortunate fate. After all, he did have quite a few friends with a soul remaining unbroken within their bodies. He hoped against hope that maybe, just maybe, his friends would help them. As quick as this illusion had appeared, it had disappeared. Nobody could afford anything. He heard a faint clanking noise, getting louder and louder each time. Clank. Clank. Clank. The noise was echoing loudly, vibrating the shaft. Clank. Clank. Clank. Jeeroy knew what that sound was. He knew what it had to be. There were dreadful names and stories, swinging hand in hand under the banner of death. The noise, he had heard, was so dreadful that Satan himself shuddered whenever it was heard. Clank. Clank. Clank. THUD. A bald man stepped out of the lift, wielding a triple flail. He was smiling and on his dirty face he sported many scars. He wore black armour from neck too foot and had a mud brown cloak attached to it at the neck and shoulders. Jeeroy stood at the front of the line, shaking in horror. The noise of death was finished. Now there could only be death. The man raised his triple whip high, and it cascaded down on Jeeroy, who felt a blinding pain searing his chest.

The man grinned, revealing his set of a few, blackened teeth. Jeeroy was slowly standing up again. The man indicated him.

“It looks like this fellow will give you all a demonstration of what it really means to get on Donridoes bad side,” He rasped coldly. He raised his flail high and, with a flick of his wrist, cast it down upon the shivering man in front of him. Jeeroy cried out under the intensity of the pain and Dondridoe snarled, thrashing him again, and again, and again. Jeeroy was on the floor now, writhing in pain. Dondridoe roared, grabbed him at his wrist and dragged him towards the lift shaft. Jeeroy tried to grasp for something on the way down and caught the supporting bar of the lift, but he was already going too fast. He screamed as the splinters razed his hand too shreds. Jeeroy looked down and saw a sea of dirt and shadows rising up to meet him at an impossible speed. That was the last thing Jeeroy ever saw.

*

The man sat at his desk, shadows playing across his face, disguising him completely. A second figure, clanking as he walked, entered. He had a visor concealing his features. The two men did not speak, merely stood facing each other until a guard swung the huge door shut slowly behind them. The second man crossed the room and carefully shut the blinds, leaving the room in darkness save a few streams of diagonal light glistening with minuscule specks of dust. He turned and walked around the desk.

“Take a seat, Dondridoe,” said the seated man in a gruff, merciless voice. Dondridoe sat and lowered his visor, he tried to scrutinise the man in front of him, but the shadows surrounding him were impenetrable.

“You know why you are here, do you not?” Emitted the voice.

“I do, sir.”

“And you know, I take it, that you have completed your task of rounding up the slaves.” It was not a question, it was a statement, daring Donridoe to contradict.

“I have, my lord.” Replied Dondridoe, feeling nervous. He glanced around the room.

“Two hundred and fifty two, minus two for demonstration purposes.” Grunted Dondridoe, feeling slightly better.

“It was quick, I assume?” Dondridoe’s chest contracted, horrified.

“Well, er, too say that would be-”

“Good. Pain is power, remember that Dondridoe. Without pain and sacrifice, the Dzaals would have penetrated our great pectof walls long ago, and we wouldn’t be here. Thank you for your war effort, goodbye.”

Dondridoe stood, and turned. He strode back towards the door, shutting his collapsed visor.

“Oh, and Dondridoe.”

Dondridoe looked back.

“I’ll be expecting at least three fifty this week.”

Dondridoe’s mouth shot open and he was thankful for his visor.

“You will do that, yes?”

Dondridoe regained his composure enough to manage a stiff salute, and barged out of the room, his cloak billowing in his haste. Three hundred and fifty! His men had barely met last week’s target, and he could never round up another hundred extra… He nearly crashed into a man selling shoes and, with an agitated roar, hurled the man into his own store.

*

Rictus’ eyes flickered open and he leapt out of bed. He raced out of his tiny bedroom and into the kitchen. Although many would argue that a cupboard and a stove was not a room to be deemed worthy of the title of a kitchen. He yanked open the cupboard to find it practically empty. Its contents were only a few lumps of what appeared to be coal. In foreign countries, this would be known as geo protein, but in Ciqton, being the only source of nourishment, it was simply known as food. Rictus reached in and broke off a chunk, which was surprisingly brittle. He stepped out of the kitchen and returned too his bedroom. He sat on his bed and started to wolf it down noisily. Above him, his brother moaned something about trying to sleep, mirrored by his twin above him. Rictus gulped down his last mouthful and started to dress in his worn clothes. Like almost everything he owned, it had once belonged to one of his family. While doing so, Rictus wondered why his brothers were such sloths. Apparently, they were nine once too, and exactly the same as he was. Why sleep in? Didn’t they ever have fun? Rictus banished these thoughts and raced out of the tiny apartment. He slammed the door and hurtled down the stairs two at a time. He went down two floors, six floors… twelve… twenty… twenty five… Rictus stopped thirty one floors below where he had awakened. He rapped twice as quiet as possible on a door. His friend, Jason, checked through the peep hole and let in an exhausted and breathless Rictus Ulban.

“Hi Ric,” He whispered brightly.

“Yo, Jas,” Wheezed Rictus, “Can I sit down a bit before we go?”

“OK, but remember to be quiet.” Rictus merely nodded and let Jason lead the way towards his room. The rooms were identical to Rictus’, as were all the other apartments in the towering skyscraper that was a block of minuscule flats. Jason and Rictus waited in silence for Rictus to regain his breath before they stood up and crept outside the apartment. They walked down the stairs, because it was illegal to stop outside a house that they were not entering and the distance was further this time.

“Have your parents sorted out that money thingy majig?”

“I thought so but they said that they had a bit more work to do,”

“Oh,” Came the reply. Rictus tried to think of another subject to converse on, but couldn’t contain himself.

“But they’ve been saying that all year, and I know because I remember asking on my birthday.”

“It’ll work out in the end, it always does.”

“But a year! One whole year!”

“Well… Maybe it’s just the gods’ sense of humour.”

“The what?”

“It means that something seems bad, but is actually really good, or something amazing suddenly happens that fixes it all.”

“You think so?”

“I’m positive,”

“Thanks, Jason,” Rictus grinned, and Jason merely shrugged modestly.

*

The pair stepped out of the building and instantly ducked into the shadows. They snuck around to a small slit in between two of buildings.

“Ready?”

“Ready,”

The boys banged fists as they crept up behind a food vendor, barely daring to breathe. They crouched down, finding safety in shadows as the shop keeper swayed behind his store. The store in question was a sheet of pectof, the very same material of which the Dome was made of. It consisted of a sheet that was a foot taller than the man stood behind it and there was a square just above the mans hand level. This hole had a flap that could only be opened or closed with a handle on the merchants’ side. It was widely known and acknowledged, other than to naïve children such as Rictus and Jason, that selling was a risky business, and without such security measures, merchandise was a precious artifact aching to be stolen. However, the man didn’t know of the tiny passageway lying directly behind him. Nor did he know that every day, his goods were being stolen. Today was no exception. The two boys crouched down as a man approached the counter.

“Good day?”

“Not bad, a couple of sells,”

“Good to hear, friend,”

“You know, every customer has been calling me that as of late,”

“Really? Why would they?”

“Simple, I’m the best spot of influence ‘round these parts. And what with… Things going on, people want to get the best connections as possible.” Rictus pricked up his ears, and he and Jason exchanged bewildered looks. Things going on? Connections? The boys often sat and dreamt of scenarios, in which a deadly conspiracy crops up, and the two noble heroes find some kind of hidden inner power, escape death by inches and save the world. This was almost always how it started. Things going on. The customer looked around, terrified that his next sentence would be heard. He spoke in an agonised whisper.

“Keep your voice down! Whispers! These are nothing but whispers and you can’t just blare things out like that. And anyway, connections! Being a vendor of food doesn’t give you authority, it makes you the middle man. I came for food, not to be fed these… Absurdities!” Suddenly his voice went loud and angry.

“Look! Thieves!” He cried, aiming a shaking finger at the crouching boys. A sense of dread overcame Rictus. He’d been seen! Now the seller knew about his hidey hole, and then where would food come from? On the wall beside Rictus, the food hung from it on nails. Rictus and Jason grabbed two each and fled. Rictus know that escape was easy, but how could he explain to his parents? They couldn’t get food now because he had been too interested in gossip, and there was nowhere else that they could get it safely. They emerged onto the street, which was empty. People almost never walked in the centre as so to divert attention away from themselves, but it was never empty. Rictus looked around and saw the reason. There was a line of people on the left coming towards them two and two. They were all scared and struggling to stay standing. The reason for this was simple. Outsiders would question why the city of Ciqton ate only geo protein. There was simply no other kind of resource. When heated up, geo protein became so hard that it becomes inedible. It stayed in this state forever, becoming the perfect building material for Ciqton. And also, a valuable torture device. The damned people who walked in agony had a solid bar of this hardened geo protein chained to their shoulders and it swung in between them like a battering ram. Flanking them at either side was a soldier gripping in his arms a deadly sword. As Rictus and Jason rounded from the alleyway, the guards spotted them. They nodded to each other and one of them called out.

“Hey, you two! You’re under arrest. You’re going to the mines.”

*

The boys took one look at the man and ran. They turned right and bolted down the road. They heard his footsteps pounding the ground behind them and catching up fast. All too soon, the man was behind them and he swung his sword. Rictus felt Jason pull him down too the floor and the soldier leaped over them, his momentum carrying him past the boys, who were already leaping up, using their years of hopping in an instant from sleeping to standing as they woke up. Jason pulled Rictus towards the shadows and they ran through an alley. They could hear the guard behind trying to see where they had gone. They were halfway down the passage when they saw another soldier at the other end. Rictus’ heart filled with dread as the man peered through the gloom.

“Two kids in here!” He cried and began to advance on the trapped children. Rictus started the other way but realised that the one that had been chasing them was also coming.

“You go, Ric,”

“What?”

Jason was looking up at where a maze of washing lines hung above their heads, crossing over countless times. The lines themselves wouldn’t hold a child, but the pegs would. Heart filled with hope, Rictus allowed Jason to boost him up by interlacing his fingers around Rictus’ boot and pushing upwards. Rictus’ boot found the peg and he started to climb. Then it struck him, just as the guards threw themselves at Jason. Rictus had assumed that Jason would help him up and then climb up after him. Jason had sacrificed himself to the mercy of the mines…

“NO!” Rictus yelled and threw himself at the soldiers. He collided with them both but he bounced off them and hit the ground. He looked up, expecting to meet his doom.

“Get that one,” said the first trooper through gritted teeth as Jason struggled aimlessly, biting and spitting. The second advanced on the helpless Rictus who cowered before him. Rictus looked up to the sky, wishing he could see past the thick fog, and see the sky for what is was… The geo protein rod twinkled in the sky as it came hurtling down and struck the man around the back of his head. Rictus blinked in wonder and looked up. He could distinctly see a head poking over the ridge of one of the rooftops.

“Take that you scum!” It cried, “And next time pick on someone your own size you cowards!”

“Wait!” Shouted Rictus as the head withdrew. He grabbed the rod off the floor and bolted the way he’d come. Rictus stared around the street and saw people emerging cautiously from the towering buildings. It was over, Jason was gone, and he was now one his way to the mines. Rictus crumpled to the floor and sobbed. He wanted to die, painfully and slowly, just as he knew Jason was about to. Ciqton was the most corrupt city in history, and from that moment on, Rictus Ulban was its’ enemy, and he would make them pay for all they had done. Rictus’ rage froze his tears and he knew that he had a purpose in life now. To avenge his friend, Jason the selfless.

*Autors note* I am not sure that i will be able to post the entire book. I am aware that there will be spelling/grammar mistakes in there and i beg that people point them out to me.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 5:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote] Rictus know that escape was easy, but how could he explain to his parents? [quote]

I think you meant knew not know.

Other than that, the grammars good. You're doing an amazing job. This is a very good story line and it had potential. Please keep going. Have you got the whole book done or are you still working on it?

Another thing I'd like to tell you is to describe the MC more along with the surroundings.

Please PM me when you post out another segment, I would love to read it! Good luck and keep writing.

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