Topic ID: 3624
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Firestarter
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 Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 4:34 pm Post subject: heavenly graffiti |
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the clouds were bleeding acid rain
and they sprayed graffiti with messages of love
the walls were illuminated in the moonlight
and they recycled broken hearts for the poor
with their feathered wings and gold-dust
they gave the lonely something to love. |
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and if you promise to stay conscious
i will try and do the same
yeah, we might die from medication
but we sure killed all the pain |
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Muse
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| Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 7:33 pm Post subject: |
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| Short but sweet..I like it a lot. I like the contrast between the first and last line as at first you are greeted with a powerful, almost depressing image, but as the poem progresses it becomes much lighter and more airy. Yup, like it lots! |
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"Sometimes we see a cloud that's dragonish,
A vapour sometimes like a bear or lion,
A towered citadel, a pendant rock,
A forked mountain, or blue promontory,
With trees upon't that nod unto the world,And mock our eyes with air.." |
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Meshugenah
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| Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 7:44 pm Post subject: |
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| The last line of each stanza..beaufitul. I would say this goes from to depressing (very vivid image, too) to more of a hopeful and bittersweet stance, not lighter, but that's just me. The first two lines are just chilling. |
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Writersdomain
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| Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 4:07 pm Post subject: |
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| I really loved this. The only part that bugged me was the 'they's' in the first stanza, but that is just me. Good job |
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Thy tears a shield of glass."
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PsyLynx
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| Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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| completely wonderful...timeless (in my mind...I suppose acid rain isn't timeless, but whatevs, this piece feels timeless). And it's really, truly beautiful and great. A |
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Elder Bobo
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| Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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| Um... I don't get it. It sounds really cool though! |
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Areida
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| Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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Ditto Mesh.
I wish I could comment on poetry in a coherent manner. |
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Chevy
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 2:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Very metormorphic...perhaps too metormorphic. Maybe that's why your poems are sometimes so hard to understand. If you added just regular phrases in here and there I think it would kind of even out and it would be a lot easier to understand. You know, basically just explaining the poem in the poem. It's kind of hard to do it and be poetic about it but I'm sure you can because you're the greatest. |
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