Topic ID: 36209
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
grimy89098
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 05 Jul 2008
Posts: 63
Reviews: 15
Country: Australia
356 Points
|
 Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 8:13 am Post subject: Those blue eyes |
 |
|
I made this to try lift the spirits of my gf,
she felt a bit depressed so i wrote this
Those blue eyes,
those beautiful eyes,
they swallow my gaze.
But I ask why,
why are they clouded with pain?
I devote myself to clearing that misery,
I ask myself how?
But I will try,
try as i can, my love. |
_________________
"practice makes perfect but no body's perfect so why bother practice?" -Jye Arbon (my friend)
"everybody's entitled to be stupid, but you're abusing the privilege." -people in my class |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
crimson_mcr
Novice
Gender: 
Age: 16
Joined: 18 Sep 2008
Posts: 10
Reviews: 2
Country: USA
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 8:25 am Post subject: |
|
|
| its beautiful. |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
crimson_mcr
Novice
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 18 Sep 2008
Posts: 10
Reviews: 2
Country: USA
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 9:18 am Post subject: |
|
|
this is very good, so nice you wrote it for her, thats so sweet of you.
hehehehe "they swallow my gaze" so good XD |
_________________
LOVE ME DEAD |
|
| Back to top |
|
vox nihili
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 18 Sep 2008
Posts: 118
Reviews: 46
Country: There's no frigate like a book...
556 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 11:23 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| If I was your girlfriend, I'd be touched. It's great that you utilize the use of simple language, but in such a way that it conveys a strong message. |
_________________
If you can't write the music's notes, ride them and enjoy the flow, like the flow of a mountain stream, and hang on to the melody, because like breath in the winter air, it's there, and then gone. |
|
| Back to top |
|
silverSUNLIGHTx
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 09 Sep 2008
Posts: 478
Reviews: 13
Country: the land of the free and home of the brave.
496 Points
|
| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 4:31 am Post subject: |
|
|
Ah, I love you!
I want a boyfriend that writes me poetry when I'm sad.
And not the crappy kind that can't really pass as real poetry.
But the sweet, melodic kind.
Good Job. :] |
_________________
A writer and nothing else: a man alone in a room with the English language, trying to get human feelings right. ~John K. Hutchens |
|
| Back to top |
|
grimy89098
Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 05 Jul 2008
Posts: 63
Reviews: 15
Country: Australia
356 Points
|
| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 4:41 am Post subject: |
|
|
thanks everyone  |
_________________
"practice makes perfect but no body's perfect so why bother practice?" -Jye Arbon (my friend)
"everybody's entitled to be stupid, but you're abusing the privilege." -people in my class |
|
| Back to top |
|
StarDuster
Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 26 Aug 2008
Posts: 61
Reviews: 33
Country: Someone's Imagination
300 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:38 pm Post subject: reply |
|
|
Awww.. This is so sweet. I really loved it.
What better way to cheer her up? I bet she really really enjoyed it!
I have no complaints. How can you find anything wrong with a thing like this??? |
_________________
"With every joy that passes
Something beautiful remains." |
|
| Back to top |
|
xGraceex
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 18 Sep 2008
Posts: 238
Reviews: 76
Country: rainy old england
320 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:21 pm Post subject: :P |
|
|
| So cute! i really liked it, just the sort of poem a girl likes to hear |
_________________
SOME WISE WORDS xxx
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts |
|
| Back to top |
|
VampireBloodrace
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 04 Oct 2008
Posts: 47
Reviews: 14
Country: Damire - The Country of the Vampires
300 Points
|
| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:50 am Post subject: |
|
|
Just like everyone else- I found this to be really sweet. It's great that you're girlfriend had a guy like you. You probably don't always give her poems, but maybe you do, either way, this was a very nice thing to do. I don't know many guys like that; actually I don't know ANY guys that are like that. Keep it up!
I really liked this poem. Made for your girlfriend or not. |
_________________
I am Carzyl.
Fear me and hate me, for I am a bloodthirsty vampire craving for human blood. My deep crimson eyes will burn away everything you hold dear to your heart. My black hair will chew away your empty soul.
My fangs will steal your life. |
|
| Back to top |
|
lshryock2
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 09 Oct 2008
Posts: 45
Reviews: 22
270 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
i love this
its kinda ironic since i had a horrible day today
and when i was reading this it reminded me of how my friend was trying to cheer me up
great job |
_________________
"isn't it supposed to be like this? the glory of first love, and all that. it's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"---twilight |
|
| Back to top |
|
vixeyt
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 05 Jan 2007
Posts: 144
Reviews: 37
Country: United Kingdom
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:44 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| That was so sweet it made me smile. It may only have been a few lines but it was still really good, lots of feeling in it. |
_________________
Evil Is But A Perspective - Myself in roleplay as Dora Tonks
Is it the dark side of ambition or the ambitious side of darkness? - Myself during reflection |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
