Lord Anzius
Speaker of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Posts: 623
Reviews: 80
Country: Finland I think?
482 Points
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 Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 6:10 am Post subject: RUN |
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I wrote this in ten minutes:
Just like you it was,
not intended,
I am sorry,
but you been bended.
your will is no longer
What it used to be,
what it used to be, what it used to be,.
Greatly in danger,
Your soul is now,
what did you say to her,
She is now after you.
and you have to run
Run,
to the mountain tops,
Run,
Run away now pops,
Your legs are old and so cold,
But still you've got to..
Run
to the mountain tops,
Run,
Run away now pops,
or else she'll catch you today, ay.
Others watch from the shadows,
as you run,
through the ghettos,
pick up some speed,
'cos she is coming,
brace urself,
She'll be soon there.
you stop to look at the child,
even though you have to run,
the child is weeping you can't stand the feeling,
of regret, of regret,
you take kid by the hand and you run and you run, and you run,
Run,
to the mountain tops,
Run,
Run away now pops,
Your legs are old and so cold,
But still you've got to..
Run
to the mountain tops,
Run,
Run away now pops,
or else she'll catch you today, ay.
On the end of the world,
you fell that it is now the time,
you leave the child behind,
you turn around and walk to her,
She came to you,
to take you,
down.
Her sadistic smile will haunt you for a while.
But only for that little while...
'cos now it's,
your,
turn,
to go down. |
_________________
Boredom is a death sentence.
That is why I try to be crazy.
Crazy people aren't bored.
I wish I were more crazy. |
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aseka
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 14
Joined: 25 Jul 2008
Posts: 22
Reviews: 14
300 Points
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| Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 9:12 am Post subject: |
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OK I liked it.
And I loved the idea.
But next time reduce the spaces.
But if you think it's not needed go ahead don't.
But what I think is not to keep spaces so muck OK.
And there were a few mistakes.
OK let's march! to the mistakes.
| Quote: |
what it used to be,
what it used to be,. |
| Quote: |
Run,
to the mountain tops,
Run,
Run away now pops, |
| Quote: |
of regret,
of regret, |
| Quote: |
Run,
to the mountain tops,
Run,
Run away now pops, |
And put the needed capitals
OK
That's it I think
I hope you will continue writinh poems
Good luck! 
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