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Twisting Paths: Preface [Edited]
Twisting Paths: Preface [Edited]

by M Dragon in Fantasy Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on September 18, 2008
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Down the Drain - Chapter 2

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Reuben A   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 10:06 am    Post subject: Down the Drain - Chapter 2 Reply with quote

Meanwhile Will was fairing much better. Within minutes he had loved his choice to leave Molly to go the other way. Soon after starting to walk, he saw a small clump of palm-trees. As he went closer, the clump grew considerably. Within minutes he could even make out the slight shimmer of water in the distance. He grinned. Water. Water meant life, and life mostly meant food. In truth, he was approaching the Flowingdry River. Will sprinted towards the river. When he got there, he heard rather than saw that the palm-trees were inhabited by tropical birds. Some birds were too beautiful to look at, and it hurt his eyes. He then dived headfirst into the large dam. He drank and swam and just had fun, forgetting all his troubles. When he got out, he found that there were various berry bushes. The berries were delicious, some red and juicy, others yellow, delicious, but with no sign of any sort of fluid whatsoever. Soon he was full. All of the sudden a terrifying thought came to him. What if the berries were poisonous? He thought faster and panicked more than he ever had in his whole life. Quickly he stuck his finger down his throat. What if they weren’t poisonous? Then he would look like an idiot sucking his finger. He thought a bit, with a growing feeling of nausea in his throat. Then all of a sudden, he coughed up a huge pool of chewed red berries. He raced to the dam, and washed his hands which was currently covered in berries. Then he saw a woman walking towards the dam with a water pot on her head.

* * *

Molly meanwhile had been put into a carriage with two other slaves. The carriage wasn’t like the one Molly had at home. Molly’s carriage was an open carriage with no roof; this one was enclosed by a canvas like material which was very strong. The slaves were adults, and had the same Arabic look about them that the slave traders had. They wore worn out clothes that looked like paper-thin sheets of material. Obviously they were intrigued by Molly’s cashmere woollen jersey. The one touched the white bird droppings. Seeing their puzzlement, Molly said.

“I fell into the “White Grave.”“ This caused scores of laughter, with mentions of things in a language Molly didn’t understand. Suddenly, the carriage came to a stop. The wooden doors at the back of the carriage opened, and there stood one of the slave traders.

“We’re here.” He said.

* * *

The woman had obviously not seen Will yet, so he bolted for the nearest bush and hid behind it. The woman was singing a soft rhyming tune to herself, but Will couldn’t understand a word of it. When the woman reached the dam, she took the pot off her head, bent down, and dunked it into the water to fill it up. The woman had long black hair which flowed all the way down to her knees. She had a dark skin, and wore a colourful dress which contained a lot of different bright colours. Not exactly clothes to fetch water in Will thought to himself. Dumbly he stood up. The woman saw him, and let go of the pot, leaving it to sink to the bottom of the dam.

“I mean you no harm.” Will said hastily seeing the woman’s fear. Then the woman seemed to forcefully calm herself, and sank down to one knee in front of him. Will looked down puzzled. Maybe it was good manners here to kneel before someone when meeting them. Will was about to do the same, when he thought that maybe it was insulting for a man to bow before a woman. Will just simply didn’t know what to do.

“Forgive me your majesty, I have forgotten my manners.” The woman said with a sweet voice. She must think I am someone I am not! Will thought terrified. What did she expect of him?

“You may rise.” He said, trying to make his voice deep and manly, but failed. It came out quite squeaky. The woman stood up shakily. Clearly she was terrified.

“Why are you so scared?” Will asked, hoping to find out who he was.

“Your excellence, the legend we have…” She started “ the legend that we people have about majesty’s arrival…is that you will kill the first person you find, and I have no will to die my lord!” The woman said with tears in her eyes. Will overcame a fighting urge to hug and comfort the woman, and asked.

“What is your name”

“Fatina.” The woman replied.

“Well Fatina, neither do I have any will to harm you, much less kill you.” Will said firmly, and took her hand.

“Now, Fatina, where do you live, for I am hungry and tired.”


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, that's coming along pretty good. I didn't see any major grammar mistakes, but I don't look for those anyway. It's pretty short, and there is enough detail in my opinion. I wish you had put more on this post, but I can't talk, I have really short chapters. I think you should put Molly in more fear, she has been captured by slave traders after all... Other than that great job and good luck. Let me know when the next chapter is posted.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 1:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Uhhh. Slave traders and a majesty......-..


I will read the third chapter soon, this was so good that I didn'tfind anything... Maybe there is nothing.. (or then there is, I'm not the best person to speak Razz .)

I'll check the third chap

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