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My Rant About How Stephenie Meyer Annoys Me
My Rant About How Stephenie Meyer Annoys Me

by Raimunda in Other Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Dramatic Poetry

This thread was created on September 17, 2008
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Musings on the less fortunate

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CrazyBob   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:06 pm    Post subject: Musings on the less fortunate Reply with quote

A muttering, dusty figure,



slumped forward on the sidewalk.



 



Where others quicken pace,



afraid you'll rape them



or ask for money,



I pause a moment



to place my patent-leather briefcase down and



check my Cartier wristwatch.



 



I look at you with your



manic, oscillating eyes and



toothless mouth leaking crack residue to the



ground below.



 



Perhaps in some trans-dimensional world



you stand above other men,



a philosopher-God whose



schizophrenic ravings are



recorded as Holy sermon.



 



Others stammer and tremble,



awed by your vast, unknowable intellect,



which is unjustly vilified in this civilized world.



 



But most likely not.



 



I move along,



suddenly fearful that I might be stabbed and robbed.
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wewinwelose   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

it's not bad but it's kinda hard to understand...big words....gah not every one knows what those mean

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Incandescence   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bob,


I'm not sure this is poetry. It seems more like a prolonged aphorism than a sustained engagement with metaphor, metonymy, etc. It's a group of descriptions that don't rise above their material ground: there's no revelatory moment when the whole thing turns itself over, no point where deeper inquiry proves rewarding (at least, not to me).

It strikes more as a snapshot of the current American ideo-political stance--"Ah, yes, I 'know' you are not really to be feared - and indeed you might well have the potential to be a truly beautiful soul - but nevertheless...[I don't believe it]."

I'd suggest taking the idea above the level of direct embodiment in an experience, since it simply pronounces the rise of a belief rather than evoking it (and that's the real purpose of poetry, isn't it? to evoke, not to declare or interrogate...).


Take care,
Brad

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This thread was created on September 17, 2008

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