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When Innocence Dies ~ chapter seven
When Innocence Dies ~ chapter seven

by Sorsha2 in Fantasy Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction

This thread was created on September 14, 2008
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Untouched Ch 1
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Untouched Ch 7
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Untouched ch 10
Untouched ch 12
Untouched ch 13
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Untouched ch 15
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Untouched ch 23
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Untouched Ch 25
Untouched-Epilogue

Untouched ch 11

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jasmine12   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 11:33 pm    Post subject: Untouched ch 11 Reply with quote

Chapter Eleven

Bailey had forgotten to tell me about the note my father left for me. It gave me a few things to do before he came home. Bailey and I split the list, He had to dust and vacuum the entire house and I had to clean out the garden and bring the Volvo to the local garage for an oil change.

After cleaning up our breakfast dishes, we went to work. I worked in a complete daze, too excited for nighttime. I found some old gardening tools in the garage. They were rusty but still useable. I picked out all of the weeds and threw them into a pile by the flower bed. There were a couple of spiders and other creepy crawly things that hadn’t found their home for the winter yet.

Bailey insisted that he didn’t need to come with me to the garage. He said that Jasper would look after him. I gave in after a while, he would just complain the entire time anyway.

The garage was on the far side of town. There was an old rusty tow truck sitting out front with weeds growing around it as if it hadn’t been moved in years. I shut off the car and went into the main building. The place was as clean as it could get, despite the brown and black fingerprint stains on the doors and counter. There wasn’t anyone around, but the sign said ‘open.’

“Hello,” I said out loud.

Behind the counter, some one rustled with something that sounded like papers and popped up. “Hello,” said the man covered from head to toe in grease. It took me a second to realize it was Damien.

My eyes widened and I stuttered, “I-I need an, um, oil change.” I said pointing to my car.

He looked out the window and nodded, “Nice ride.” Damien wiped his hands on a rag that at one point in its life had been red, and walked outside. “Your dad called me about it the other day. I was expecting you yesterday.”

“I-I’m sorry, things kind of got hectic at the house.”

He shrugged, “S’ all good. I’ll need the keys to drive it into the shop.” He held out his hand and I dropped my key chain in his palm. “Nice key chain,” he added with a smile. Damien held up the key chain my father bought me when he got the car, it was a pink crown that said ‘Princess.’

He drove the car into the shop and lifted it up. The sounds of the lift made me cringe. It made a high pitched screech in protest of my heavy car. Once it was up, Damien walked underneath it and started tinkering with things I wouldn’t be able to name in my wildest dreams.

“So how is it?” He asked.

I walked closer into the garage, “How is what?”

He jerked his head to the left to get the hair out of his eyes. “Living in that ol’ house. Any ghosts running around?” He laughed.

“Only at night,” I laughed with him.

He dropped his hands to look at me, “Really?” His eye brows furrowed together creating a crease in his forehead. His eyes stared into mine. They were a pale blue.

I blinked a few times. “Yeah,” I blurted, “His name is Jasper.”

Holy crow! Why did this kid have such an effect on me?

He stepped back, probably questioning my sanity, and his jaw dropped. “He didn’t die?” He said. His face turned pale white, paler than usual. His eyes were huge, wide with a hidden panic, dazed and horrified.

“Do you know what happened? Do you know how he died?” I asked, stepping even further into the garage.

Damien walked over to the wall with a line of red tool boxes, and picked up something long and silver. “The whole town knows. My grandfather was there when it happened.”

My heart jumped. “What’s his name?” I asked trying to keep it sounding conversational instead of an interrogation.

“Nigel,” he looked up at me but my façade didn’t waver. “Everyone called him Stones up until the day he died.”

Inside I was panicking. “Cool nickname.”

Damien snickered, “Yeah, he almost went to jail because of Jasper.” Damien said his name so easily, as if they were acquainted.

“Did he really kill Jasper?” I asked, almost accusingly.

“No!” He spat. “Stones tried to save him. It’s not his fault the guy didn’t make it.”

“Well, if his friends didn’t beat the crap out of Jasper, he could have survived!” I didn’t realize I was yelling until I finished.

“That’s not what happened,” he almost whispered. “So, he’s really alive up there?” He stared at me again, and his eyes twinkled in the fluorescent lighting.

“As I said before, only at night.”

He nodded, “Is he suffering?”

“Yes,” I whispered, “even more so, now that I’m living there.”

Damien dropped the silver tool with a loud ‘tink’ and sat on a bench that at one point was a back seat to a car. He beckoned for me to do the same.

“Do you believe me?” I asked, sitting down.

He sighed, “Yes.”

“Why?”

He leaned on his elbows and looked at me, “Because I was there.”

I stared at him for a while as he watched me. “You lost me,” I finally said.

“Can you keep a secret? It’s crucial that you don’t repeat a word that I say, even to Jasper.”

I nodded.

“I was there, when he was killed. He was still alive when we pulled him out of the water, but he wasn’t going to make it to the hospital. I remember Susan crying hysterically. Jasper was a small town freak, he didn’t have any friends no one would miss him. No one, except Susan. She loved him, not like he loved her though, but as a friend. I could tell that it would hurt her if he died and I was willing to save him to have her happy. I’d rather he be around trying to be with her, than to have him dead and her miserable. So I did what only I could do and killed him.”

He put his face in his hands, “I was only twenty years old at the time. Some one so young can’t change another, I almost died too.”

I threw up my hands. “What are you talking about? What are you?”

“A vampire.”

Despite myself, I burst out laughing. The extreme serious atmosphere must have been getting to my head, because I couldn’t stop laughing.

“You’re laughing at me,” he said. “I just told you my deepest secret and you’re laughing at me.”

“I’m sorry,” I managed to say before laughing a little more then I sobered up. “How is that even possible?”

“Oh! So you can accept that Jasper’s half dead but it can’t be possible for me to be a vampire. I didn’t know you were prejudiced against vampires.”

“Damien, you’re out during the day, you’re around humans all the time, and I’ve seen you eat food. That goes against the vampire code, in my opinion,” I said patting his arm.

He looked down at my hands, and then put his palm against the back of my left hand. I flinched back; it was extremely cold, three times colder than Jasper’s hands.

“I’m only out on cloudy days, I hunt often enough so I’m rarely thirsty, and I can pretend to eat. Being who I am, it’s all about acting.” He sighed and pulled his hand away. “My name, i-is Nigel.”

It didn’t surprise me. I looked outside and for the first time noticed how cloudy it was.

“I was afraid today was going to be sunny. But, I’m glad it wasn’t,” he said, smiling at me.

“Why?”

He brought his hand up to my face but dropped it before he made any contact. “I like talking to you. You actually listen to me instead of talking my ear off.”

Which reminded me, “Does Cassandra know?”

He chuckled, “Yeah, right, like I’d want to be the one to tell her that she’s dating a vampire. She wouldn’t believe me.” He paused and looked down at the ground. “She doesn’t even like me. Cassandra only started hanging all over me when you moved here. She’s so territorial.”

“Then why don’t you break up with her?”

He shrugged, “she definitely keeps life interesting.” He smiled to himself then stood up. “I better get back to work.”

I nodded. He started tinkering again, but there was something on my mind that I couldn’t hold it any more. “Is there any way to save him?” I asked.

He didn’t look at me while he asked, “Who?”

I rolled my eyes. “Jasper. Is he stuck that way forever?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe if another vampire bit him again, and actually did it right, he could turn.” He looked at me then. “You aren’t honestly thinking about changing him are you?”

I avoided his eyes, “He can’t stay like that. He’s trapped in that house.”

“It isn’t one hundred percent, Genna. He could die anyway.”

I stood up and pleaded with him, “Would you at least consider it, please.”

His eyes widened, “you want me to do it? Are you crazy?”

I shrugged then walked to the door and looked at the grey sky. “He can’t stay like that,” I repeated.

He sighed and walked over to me. He put his arms on my shoulder and turned me around. “Genna,” he sighed again, “He will have to leave you, if it works, and go away for a long time.” He swallowed loud. “The thirst, it’s, it’s unbearable the first year.”

“A whole year?” I choked.

He nodded one stiff nod. “Sometimes longer, all depending on how crazy the thirst drives you. He may never be able to come back.”

I couldn’t help the angry tears that brimmed over then. My whole body shuddered with each sob. He took me into his arms, but they weren’t soft. He was like a statue, cold and solid. I didn’t care. I just cried in his arms as if everything was normal.

He wasn’t a vampire, Jasper wasn’t half dead, and I wasn’t falling apart.

And ‘de Nile’ is just a river in Egypt.

I backed away from Damien—Well, Nigel—looking up at his eyes. They were pleading, begging me not to be afraid.

It hit me then; he could kill me without even thinking about it. I should be afraid of him, he is a monster. “A-are you, uhm, thirsty?” I stuttered, trying not to offend him.

As if all of my thoughts were revealed in my eyes he said, “I would never hurt you, Genna. I can control myself. Please believe that.” He took a step closer and I backed away in response. “I guess I deserve that.” He put his hands in his pockets. “He would be just like me, you know.”

“I-I know,” I said, stuttering again. “I don’t know what to do.” I was still crying and I fell to my knees.

He was there before I could even blink. He held me in his arms again, tight against his marble chest.

We sat there, not speaking, for an immeasurable minute. He was the one to pull away when I was finished sobbing. I couldn’t be sure, but I think he kissed my hair or sniffed it.

“Maybe I should finish with your car, huh?” He said smiling.

I nodded and sniffled. Bet that’s attractive, I thought to myself.

We stayed silent as he finished with my car. He let this thick brown liquid poor from my car into a bucket on the floor. Then he changed some kind of cylinder shaped object to a new one before he lowered the car.

He pulled my car out of the garage and parked it where it had been before. “How much do I owe you?” I asked as he walked back towards the main building.

He scratched his head, “Uh, thirty?” He said it like a question which I never understood.

I dug two twenties out of my pocket and handed them to him. He made sure he didn’t touch my hand as I placed them in his palm. “Lemme’ go get your change.”

I shook my head, “Keep the change.”


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Last edited by jasmine12 on Sat Oct 11, 2008 3:46 pm; edited 6 times in total
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 11:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

alright, so Jasperr decide on the change.

so, now what?


i guess i have to tuned in for the next chapter.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 2:31 am    Post subject: Re: Untouched ch 11 Reply with quote

Quote:
Chapter Eleven

Yeah!!! I am so pumped up for this.

Quote:
“So, who’s Sebastian?” I asked, forgetting that little detail. (Authors note: Thanks Merry!!!)

Are you talking about me? Anyway, your welcome. Confused

Quote:
He let out a sharp sigh. “I don’t want this to end, Genevieve. We have only just started to fall in love and now I may never see you again.” He threw himself back on my pillows and covered his face with his arm. “I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m not ready to say good-bye.” His voice grew softer and softer as he spoke. “It’s like I always have to say good-bye to the ones that I love. First Sue, now you.”

Nooo!!! Don't go.

Quote:
He moved toward me, but I didn’t protest. “You have woken something in me that has been buried deep for so long. Before you, my life was meaningless. Days went by in a dull blur. You have sparked the very essence of my being. I know this may sound a bit corny, but you have completed my life. I love you.”

You're right. Talk about cheesy-ness. But it's so romantic...yes, I'm a hopeless romantic. But you totally gotta love Jasper. He's so sweet.

Quote:
I could see our future. He would turn into a monster and go away for a while. When it was good for him again, to be this close to me again, he would come back. I would have aged by then. I would be older. I shuddered at that thought and my mindset changed to something worse than age, being alone.

God, I would hate for that to happen to me.

Quote:
“This isn’t working out, Genevieve. I don’t want to say good-bye but it’s something that has to be done. I’ve spent to long trapped in this god forsaken house. I can’t stand it anymore!” He brushed his finger across my cheek. “Good-bye, my love.”
Without another word, he stood up and walked out my bedroom door. He left me gazing at my wall with my mouth open looking completely dumbfounded.

Nooooo...!!!! Come back!

Quote:
“Hello, Miss. Caine. I have heard so much about you.”

I didn't know her last name was Caine. Maybe I'm just losing it. Rolling Eyes

Quote:
Sebastian was a wondrous creature. He was beautiful yet creepy at the same time. He had an English accent that made my mouth water. He was young, well, his body was young enough to pull off twenty five. He had short brown hair and pale features. Like Damien, he had luscious eyes that made you want to melt in the very spot you stood in. Sebastian was tall and robust, very robust.

*drools* Man, you make him look like a god. I wanna meet him!

So I didn't see any grammar mistakes. I just pin-pointed what I like...as always.
Any who, I wish you had the whole the story posted, it's that good. So I could read the whole thing at night.
Well, off I go til next time...
-Merry
~remember to pm me for the next part.~

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 3:34 pm    Post subject: Re: Untouched ch 11 Reply with quote

Chapter Eleven
“So, who’s Sebastian?” I asked, forgetting that little detail. [b](Authors note: Thanks Merry!!!)

I had sat back on the bed, but across from Jasper. I couldn’t be near him now, it was too awkward.
“He is the eldest in Nigel’s coven, the one who changed them all. Didn’t you hear what—”
I didn’t let him finish. “There are more?” I asked, skeptically. Damien had conveniently kept this from me.[/b]

Good start and good dialogue.


Jasper looked down at his hands. “Yes, but I was hoping we could talk about us for a while. So much has been going on lately; we haven’t been able to talk about something I feel is important.”
“Oh,” I breathed. “What is that?”
He let out a sharp sigh. “I don’t want this to end, Genevieve. We have only just started to fall in love and now I may never see you again.” He threw himself back on my pillows and covered his face with his arm. “I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m not ready to say good-bye.” His voice grew softer and softer as he spoke. “It’s like I always have to say good-bye to the ones that I love. First Sue, now you.”


Ahhh. This is so romantic and well written.

Which reminded me, “I’m not Sue,” I said, repeating what Damien had said.

Okay, people have to stop mentioning that. My inner Sue is offended.
Okay, ignore me. I'm just talking waffle Very Happy

He whipped his arm down and sat up on his elbows in one quick movement. “She was just a friend, Genevieve. She had never made me feel like this.” He moved toward me, but I didn’t protest. “You have woken something in me that has been buried deep for so long. Before you, my life was meaningless. Days went by in a dull blur. You have sparked the very essence of my being. I know this may sound a bit corny, but you have completed my life. I love you.”

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah! Laughing Yaaaaaaaay!

My eyes teared then. I sat in his lap as he cradled me like a baby. With the crying, I probably looked like one. When I couldn’t see anymore, I hid my face in his chest. He didn’t say anything, he just let me sob.

Good!

I could see our future. He would turn into a monster and go away for a while. When it was good for him again, to be this close to me again, he would come back. I would have aged by then. I would be older. I shuddered at that thought and my mindset changed to something worse than age, being alone.
I burst into sobs again and just pulled Jasper closer to me. The space seemed to be growing, but that was just in my mind. Jasper didn’t question my behavior; he just held me on the bed and let me ruin his shirt with my running makeup.


Great flow.

It was to easy to see myself finishing school, going to college, living life completely alone. I’d age alone. I’d be a bitter old woman alone. All because I would be waiting for Jasper to come and rescue me. He is who I loved and after loving him, no one would compare. I’d be alone for him.

Nice repetition of alone, you might want to make it a bit more obvious.

He went stiff for a moment, and then he lifted me easily and put me down in front of him. Everything in his eyes had changed. His face was serious, teeth clenched, eyebrows creased. “This isn’t working out, Genevieve. I don’t want to say good-bye but it’s something that has to be done. I’ve spent to long trapped in this god forsaken house. I can’t stand it anymore!” He brushed his finger across my cheek. “Good-bye, my love.”

godforsaken is one word.


This was great, PM me when Chapter 12 is up Very Happy

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gosh, my opinion of Jasper is really changing. I don’t really like him anymore. How can he just ditch Genna without clearing things up between them first. He’s just going to run, isn’t he? He won’t come back….Ug, I hate not knowing these things!

But I guess I’ll just have to keep reading and wait to see…Wink

Keep on writing!

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