I know you'll never read this. I know that I'll probably never tell you anything I write here. But right now, I find myself in need of a catharsis. Autumn is approaching and I remember the poems we used to write together. Last night, when I sent you the message, I meant to ask a different question. I didn't care what you two were talking about. I wanted to ask what you saw in me but I chickened out. There have been so many times when I chicken out. Even when you give me opportunities to be honest and give you clues, I freeze up. I can't bring myself to allow my guard down. Ever since I wrote you those notes behind the DVDs and you rejected me in the very same manner, I can't touch you. I can't look you in the eyes for long. You baffle me every time. I can't ever tell what you're thinking, so I never let you know what I'm thinking. It makes me wonder do you love me too? Could it be that we are components to a cliche, running blind in our love? Perhaps love is blind, but if that's true, will we ever see each other for what we are: perfect matches in this world of loneliness? You claim to be a skeptic and, I, a cynic, yet we're both Romanticists searching for that perfect love. Sometime I wish you'd just realize what it is you're searching for and tell me so I can know whether I should wait for you or to slice into the part of my heart in which you dwell. Were you different, if I didn't know about your parents' divorces, if I couldn't see how much your past affects you, and I couldn't see what burdens you bear, I would chase after you with such fiery passion that it would sweep you off your feet and off this planet. I love you. I do. I truly and honestly do, but if you don't feel the same way, it is worth nothing and it would be foolish of me to feel hurt. I am waiting, always, for your reply, waiting for you to look me in the eyes and return my gaze, waiting for you to tell me that you thought it was I pushing you away all these years. I'm happy now, with my life and the way things are going, but you are still my main desire. You still fill my thoughts and my mind to the point where my head and heart are brimming with your brilliant smile and golden hair. Someday, my love, you and I will be together and I will ease those burdens of yours that you carry and you will ease my heart, mind, and soul with your presence. I envy that guy you told Gerald about because he some how caught your affection. He may never know how lucky he is...