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This thread was created on September 12, 2008
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Kaylyn
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 Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 10:15 pm Post subject: [deleted] |
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[deleted]
Cause well, it was the most horrible poem I have ever written. |
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The biggest lie told in high school:
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Last edited by Kaylyn on Fri Nov 14, 2008 12:56 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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xyberangel
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| Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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After the rain the world is new
The flowers bloom to view -
The scenery. |
the last two lines don't flow very well, as in the rest of the poem it is all a one worded end and the scenery sounds very awkard also the repitition of the doesn't work very well here
I like the overall rythmn of the poem that flowed quite well, and the simplicity of it. Through maybe we can add a bit more imagery, and use similies or metaphor to descripe the scene more .
~Flora |
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Kaylyn
Southern Girl
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Country: Forests of Raiyne
420 Points
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| Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 7:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Thanks, like I said, I don't do well with poetry. |
_________________
The biggest lie told in high school:
That was my last piece.
Looking for a good book? Check out my website.
http://www.kaylynstout.googlepages.com/books |
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Teddybear22
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| Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 4:56 pm Post subject: |
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hey, it has a good topic but I agree that the last lines need to flow better. you could also make it a bit longer and in depth, but those are just suggestions.  and you are good with poetry, you just have to put a little bit more amotion into it. |
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Kaylyn
Southern Girl
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Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 15 Aug 2008
Posts: 762
Reviews: 166
Country: Forests of Raiyne
420 Points
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| Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 5:10 pm Post subject: |
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Oh gosh. This was one of my first poems. Its just so horrible when I compare it to the poems I write now.  I'm getting better thanks to everyone here. |
_________________
The biggest lie told in high school:
That was my last piece.
Looking for a good book? Check out my website.
http://www.kaylynstout.googlepages.com/books |
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| This thread was created on September 12, 2008 |
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