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Already Won Me
Already Won Me

by lilymoore in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Historical Fiction

This thread was created on September 12, 2008
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Sophia's Suitors-Preface
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 1 Part 1
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 2 Part 1
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 1 Part 2
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 2 Part 2
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 3 Part 1
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 3 Part 2
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 4 Part 1
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 4 Part 2
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 5 Part 1
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 5 Part 2
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 6 Part 1
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 6 Part 2
Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 7 Part 2

Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 7 Part 1

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:35 pm    Post subject: Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 7 Part 1 Reply with quote

~Hey, everyone. I'm back and I'm ready to post the last chapter. After this, it's more math. Ugh! I hate math. Mad Anyway, enjoy!~~Edited.~~

There were people everywhere. Ladies dressed in their finest white cotton muslins, with intricate patterns and stripes. Most of the ladies had their long hair piled up high in their head. Hanging wisps, curly bangs and ringlets around the face showed that they were part of the latest fashion. Fashion that came from London, at least. Gentlemen were also looking their best on that special day. They wore dark colors of blue, black, gray and brown. Their collar points pinned up, black boots cleaned that it shined and hair that was brushed back. Besides dressing like this everyday, they tried looking their very best, for there was a wedding held in Bath.

In the very heart of the garden, a wedding was about to start. Lord Issac McCord and his fiancée Miss Lucy Malloy were to be wed, on Saturday morning.

Flowers, from pink and white were placed on every chair. There were about twenty-five to thirty white chairs for every guest that would attend. In the back was the beautiful fountain, with its floating lilies.

The gazebo where the clergymen would marry the two was absolutely gorgeous. Thin pastel colored ribbons were intertwined with small mutabalis roses. The yellow five petal flower was making the gazebo shine through.

Being enclosed from the tall, green bushes, the wedding would be private from unwelcome guests. The bushes, of course, were filled with china blushes. Those pink and silvery roses had a positive effect on the guests. Especially Miss Sophia.

Since Sophia had spent so much time walking through the maze of the garden, she wasn't seated yet. She was too preoccupied with other things. For instance her own wedding, that would be held in the afternoon.

Wearing her favorite light colored yellow muslin, Sophia was off to a great start in the day. She wasn't holding any purses or wearing any jewelry. She just liked being plain and not being pampered from the fashions in England.

Her wavy blond hair was down, drooping around her small head. Having no Spencer jacket, she would become cold, but didn't need to worry. The heat beamed down on her somewhat pale skin, caressing her with a warm and sweet feeling.

With placing the bonnet at her chair before the wedding, she was free of things on her well done hair.

Coming to a halt, she noticed how beautiful the servants had made the wedding. Sophia leaned against a bush, without damaging her gown and scanned the crowd for Helena. I wonder where she is?

Without hearing the crunching of footsteps on the ground, someone called out for Sophia. “Sophia!” Turning to her side, she saw Helena dressed in her favorite green muslin. Her brunette hair was pulled up, with hanging wisps, dangling down.

“You look lovely, Helena.” She glanced down at her gown and back up at Sophia.

“I guess I do.” She muttered under her breath.

Then Sophia took her cousin's hand, and held them, “Helena, my dear. You should be happy. Tomorrow you're getting married and then I'll never see you again.” Sophia spoke in a almost pouting voice.

Helena's hazel eyes sparkled with delight, “You're right. I'm getting married to the most caring and loving man in Bath.”

Content with her words, Sophia gave a smile filled with excitement.

Suddenly, Thomas and Frederick came running by, “Helena, mama says we have go sit down for the wedding.” Thomas said.

“Yes, papa says we have to see that Lucy get married.” Frederick rolled his eyes and giggled with his twin brother Thomas.

“Thomas, Frederick, you mustn't laugh. Lucy is a dear friend of mine.” They stopped laughing, stared at her in horror and ran off. “I guess we might as well go.”

Trying not to giggle about Lucy, Sophia left with Helena to the heart of the garden.

After finding their seat, and everyone too, the wedding began. There was a small band, playing their instruments to a lovely tune. Sophia saw the groom and bride, all happy as they could be.

Lucy was dressed in all white from head to toe. On top of her auburn hair, there was a ring of small flowers. She was also holding alba, white roses, to go along with her dress.

Issac was dressed in a dark blue, almost black attire. His breeches pure white, boots black as coal, and hair that was the color of the sun.

The clergyman began speaking from the bible, while Sophia overheard ladies whispering about the wedding. Not caring in the world what they were gossiping about, she glanced around.

Then something, more like someone had caught her eye. What is he doing here? She paused from her thought then realized something. Oh, Lucy probably invited him. They are friends, after all.

The person that Sophia was looking at was no other than, James Bentley. Then strangely, James saw Sophia staring at him. He looked at her with a glare, then walked off behind the bushes into the maze of the garden. That's weird. Why did he leave for? And was it me that he gave a glare to?

Leaning towards Helena, she whispered, “Helena, I'm going to take a walk off from all this wedding stuff.”

Helena raised one of her brows in confusion, “Why? They're about to get married.”

“I'm sorry.” With that, Sophia slipped out of the crowd and walked passed the fountain. Gladly she sat at the end of a row of chairs.

Walking at a medium pace, she was off to find James. What seemed like an eternity, but just a few minutes, Sophia rounded a corner.

At a hidden part in the garden, she saw him. He was sitting down on a stone bench with his head in his hands. “James?” She spoke in a innocent tone. “Shouldn't you be at the wedding, seeing Lucy and Issac getting married?”

Slowly he raised his head and stared at her with his forest, green eyes. They pierced into her very soul. She cringed, but then he spoke, “Sophia, I have some dreadful news to tell you.” His voice was in a monotone. It was like the life had drained out of him.

“It should be quick, because I need to go back.” Yet I was the one who came to him.

James didn't rise, “It's about Lord Covington.”

Her bright blue eyes widen at his words, “What about my fiancée?” Her voice was almost sharp, like a knife.

He was taken back for a second, but he knew he had to tell her, “I found out at the registering place in Bath about his passed life, before he came here.

I learned that there's a Lady Covington. Not just any Covington, but one who's related to the lord.

I was surprised at first, but I had to know more. I ask how she was related to him. Maybe it was his mother, but it wasn't.

Lady Covington is his wife. Or other words his mistress from London. He had left her there after he married her.

Yet why would he just leave her? I then did some research and asked some ladies that had connections with my parents and his.

They told me that Richard Covington had seduced her and he felt obligated because he was part of the ton in London. So he married her, then he must of realized that he was one of your suitors.

So he came here to Bath, to find you.”

After he finished, Sophia felt like yelling at him, yet instead she started to cry. The tears burned her pink cheeks in embarrassment. Why didn't he tell me about this? I feel so used. Sophia felt he knees give way and almost fell, but James rushed to her side.

“Are you alright, Sophia?” He helped her stand up, but she felt otherwise. If he only held me closer. Wrapping his strong arms around me. If only.

“I'm alright. But James, why did you do this for me?”

Strangely James was turning pink, “Because, Sophia. I'm your third suitor.”


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Last edited by Merry_Haven on Sun Sep 14, 2008 4:00 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 8:06 pm    Post subject: Re: Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 7 Part 1 Reply with quote

AHHHHHH yay!!

O.O plot twist!!! Gah, now im all peeved that i have to wait for her reaction haha.

Again, not many mistakes. you did an except job in the beggininng with introducing Sophia into the setting, completely breath taking. awesome job!!

Sorry that's all i ahve to say. I was so wrapped up in the story, you know how that can be.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 2:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh, plot twist.


but i knew james had to be her third suitor. I knew what his plan was. he wanted her to fall in love with him first, but annoucing that he was her third suitor.

but Richard made a distraction in the plan.

so now, sophia must choose: live the life of a second wife or don't marry richard and marry james instead.

pm me when you put the second part up.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 12:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
There were people everywhere. Ladies dressed in their finest white cotton muslins. With intricate patterns and stripes.


The last two sentences need to be made into one sentence. Hence, "Ladies dressed in their finest white cotton muslins, with intricate patterns and stripes."


Quote:
Most of the ladies and misses had their long hair piled up high in their head.


Misses?


Quote:
Hanging wisps, curly bangs and ringlets around the face showed that they were part of the latest fashion.


I love this sentence, lol. I don't know why, it's just one of those silly things I love to hear described. I can imagine all their hair and everything. Very Happy


Quote:
Gentlemen were also looking their best in that special day.


Do you mean, "Gentlemen were also looking their best on that special day."


Quote:
Men wore dark colors between blue, black, gray and brown.


To avoid repetition, change it to," They wore dark colors of blue, black, gray and brown."


Quote:
Their collar points pinned up, black boots cleaned that it shinned and hair that was pulled back in a ribbon or brushed back.


"Shined" and not "shinned". Oh, by the way, would men really wear ribbons in their hair? I doubt it, in that time period. Very Happy


Quote:

In the very heart of the garden in Bath, a wedding was about to start.


Repetition of "Bath", Just end with "garden."


Quote:
In the back was the beautiful fountain, with it's floating lilies.


"Its floating lilies" and not "It's floating lilies". You added an apostrophe.


Quote:
The gazebo where the clergymen would marry the two, was absolutely gorgeous.


There is no need for the comma.


Quote:
Thin pastel colored ribbons were intertwined with small mutabalis roses. The yellow five petal flower was making the gazebo shine through.


Love this!

Quote:
Being enclosed from the tall, green bushes, the wedding would be private from unwelcome guests. The bushes, of course, were filled with china blushes. Those pink and silvery roses had a positive effect on the guests. Especially Miss Sophia.


Your description is really improving. This is all fabulous and there is an amazing use of vocabulary.


Quote:
From walking through the maze of the garden, Sophia wasn't seated yet.


FROM walking through the garden? Don't you mean, "Since Sophia had spent so much time walking through the maze of the garden, she wasn't seated yet" ? Okay, okay. That is an absolutely horrific example, but just change the From, it doesn't sound quite right.


Quote:
She was too preoccupied with other things. For instance her own wedding, that would be held in the afternoon.


I liked this sentence for some reason.


Quote:
Wearing her favorite light colored yellow muslin, Sophia was off to a great start in the day. She wasn't holding any purses or wearing any jewelry. She just liked being plain and not being pampered from the fashions in England.


nicely worded.


Quote:
Her wavy blond hair was down, drooping around her small head. Having no Spencer jacket, she would become cold, but didn't need to worry. The heat beamed down on her somewhat pale skin, caressing her with warm and sweet feeling.


Good, but you need to insert "a" in front of "warm"


Quote:
With placing the bonnet at her chair before the wedding, she free of things on her well done hair.


This doesn't make sense. I think you might have missed out/added words or something. Read it back to yourself and figure out what you meant . Very Happy


Quote:
Helena's hazel eyes sparkled with delight, “Your right. I'm getting married to the most caring and loving man in Bath.”


You're right , not "Your right".


Quote:
“Yeah, papa says we have to see that Lucy get married.” Frederick rolled his eyes and giggled with his twin brother Thomas.



Not "yeah" but "yes".


Quote:
The person that Sophia was looking at was no other than, James Bentley. Then strangely, James saw Sophia staring at him. He looked at her with a glare, then walked off behind the bushes into the maze of the garden. That's weird. Why did he leave for? And was it me that he gave a glare to?


Good!



Duh duh duh! Cliffhanger there!

Love this, can't wait for the next part!!!


xxx

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They fade into the emptiness, another dark gray day.
Dreams are only memories of the life I had back then.
Dreams are eraser dust and now I use a pen.
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, Yes, YES! I knew it! I knew it! I’m so glad that James is Sophia’s third suitor. You have no idea how excited I am right now. And the story about the Lord…very fishy and rude. Very Happy This chapter was awesome, Merry. I give you a gold star for this!

Quote:
Their collar points pinned up, black boots cleaned that it shined and hair that was brushed back.


The part in bold here is kind of oddly worded. Try something like: “…up, black boots so clean that they shined, and hair…” or something like that.

Quote:
“Helena, my dear. You should be happy. Tomorrow you're getting married and then I'll never see you again.”


Wait, what? How come they won’t see each other again? And isn’t that a sad thing and yet they are both happy beyond anything else? You might need to clear this up.

Quote:
Sophia spoke in a almost pouting voice.


Should be “an”

Quote:
She spoke in a innocent tone.


Should be “an”

That’s about it for the review. I really did enjoy this part. The emotions between James and Sophia were really well done!

Can’t wait for the next chapter! Very Happy

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