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Playing The Field - Chapter 4
Playing The Field - Chapter 4

by Meep(: in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Dramatic Poetry

This thread was created on July 1, 2005
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Summertime Ain't No Reality
I dreaded all those hot summer days that never end.

Second Summer - Summer Ain't No Reality Part II

Topic ID: 3577
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Chevy   View This User's Portfolio
science, again.
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 6:24 pm    Post subject: Second Summer - Summer Ain't No Reality Part II Reply with quote

NOTE: If you haven't already read it, I would encourage you to read this:

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1377&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=summer+aint+reality

before reading the following poem.



---



second summer of everything

a new job by the ocean

you sell hotdogs to the tourists

while smiling at surfers



your buick looks lonely

in its faded burgundy

surrounded by white jeeps and 

million dollar cadillacs

in the beach parking lot



the cage is unlocked and

20 turns to 10.

you can hardly see the sun

that's painted in the west



they quickly whisper in your ear

what no southerner wants to hear



summer is not reality and

huge hotels and cadillacs

aren't worth chasing after.

you're an alabaman

too close to the ocean



and only we know know

the reality of summer

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Chevy   View This User's Portfolio
science, again.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 1:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh gosh...please...someone...could you please comment on this???

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antigone   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 6:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm...
I like it.

the cage is unlocked and
20 turns to 10.
you can hardly see the sun
that's painted in the west

I love this stanza.

they quickly whisper in your ear
what no southerner wants to hear

I don't like this one so much, maybe because it rhymes and nothing else does. It might be better if you added it to another stanza instead of having it by itself.

and only we know know
the reality of summer

I love this one, great ending. Are there supposed to be two knows? Great either way.

The first poem was beautiful too. Great job!

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Siempre, siempre: jardin de mi agonia,
tu cuerpo fugitivo para siempre,
la sangre de tus venas en mi boca,
tu boca ya sin luz para mi muerte.

-From 'Del amor imprevisto', Federico Garcia Lorca
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Chevy   View This User's Portfolio
science, again.
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 1:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BlackDaisy wrote:


and only we know know
the reality of summer

I love this one, great ending. Are there supposed to be two knows? Great either way.


Yeah...it's supposed to they're the ones who are supposed to know. Perhaps I should put it in quotations.

But thank you so much for commenting on this.

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- A Seperate Peace (John Knowles)
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This thread was created on July 1, 2005

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