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This thread was created on July 1, 2005
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Second Summer - Summer Ain't No Reality Part II
Topic ID: 3577
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Chevy
science, again. Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 21 Nov 2004 Posts: 1613 Reviews: 660 Country: It's Complicated. 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 6:24 pm Post subject: Second Summer - Summer Ain't No Reality Part II |
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NOTE: If you haven't already read it, I would encourage you to read this:
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1377&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=summer+aint+reality
before reading the following poem.
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second summer of everything
a new job by the ocean
you sell hotdogs to the tourists
while smiling at surfers
your buick looks lonely
in its faded burgundy
surrounded by white jeeps and
million dollar cadillacs
in the beach parking lot
the cage is unlocked and
20 turns to 10.
you can hardly see the sun
that's painted in the west
they quickly whisper in your ear
what no southerner wants to hear
summer is not reality and
huge hotels and cadillacs
aren't worth chasing after.
you're an alabaman
too close to the ocean
and only we know know
the reality of summer |
_________________ "I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case."
- A Seperate Peace (John Knowles) |
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Chevy
science, again. Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 21 Nov 2004 Posts: 1613 Reviews: 660 Country: It's Complicated. 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 1:59 pm Post subject: |
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| oh gosh...please...someone...could you please comment on this??? |
_________________ "I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case."
- A Seperate Peace (John Knowles) |
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antigone
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 04 May 2005 Posts: 213 Reviews: 168 Country: Woof 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 6:07 am Post subject: |
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Hmm...
I like it.
the cage is unlocked and
20 turns to 10.
you can hardly see the sun
that's painted in the west
I love this stanza.
they quickly whisper in your ear
what no southerner wants to hear
I don't like this one so much, maybe because it rhymes and nothing else does. It might be better if you added it to another stanza instead of having it by itself.
and only we know know
the reality of summer
I love this one, great ending. Are there supposed to be two knows? Great either way.
The first poem was beautiful too. Great job! |
_________________ Siempre, siempre: jardin de mi agonia,
tu cuerpo fugitivo para siempre,
la sangre de tus venas en mi boca,
tu boca ya sin luz para mi muerte.
-From 'Del amor imprevisto', Federico Garcia Lorca |
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Chevy
science, again. Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 21 Nov 2004 Posts: 1613 Reviews: 660 Country: It's Complicated. 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 1:29 pm Post subject: |
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| BlackDaisy wrote: |
and only we know know
the reality of summer
I love this one, great ending. Are there supposed to be two knows? Great either way.
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Yeah...it's supposed to they're the ones who are supposed to know. Perhaps I should put it in quotations.
But thank you so much for commenting on this. |
_________________ "I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case."
- A Seperate Peace (John Knowles) |
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