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This thread was created on September 7, 2008
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It’s The End Say “Goodbye”
Topic ID: 35725
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SimonCowellLuver
Novelist
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 22 Dec 2007
Posts: 273
Reviews: 112
Country: It is somewhere i can relax and enjoy my life.
300 Points
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 Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 7:21 pm Post subject: It’s The End Say “Goodbye” |
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It has been a long year.
Now its time to go,
But I don’t want to leave.
How do I suppose to say goodbye?
I know I will see them next year.
Why am I so torn up about this?
I guess I just never like to say goodbye.
It always seem like the end.
All these years were great but now its hard.
I don’t want to forget them.
I really enjoyed it here,
But now its time to say goodbye.
When the last day came I walked with my head down.
I was kind of happy to leave but sad to not see my friends.
They say we are best friends until the end.
I believe them but I would like to see them once in awhile.
I said my goodbyes and headed out the door.
I walked a block to my house in tears.
Just because…
I didn’t want to say goodbye. |
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Fire Light
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 59
Reviews: 31
Country: on the border between Palatia and Marus
323 Points
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| Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 7:59 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm... wow...
Normally stuff like this would just seem so cliched, but this is actually very good. You totally put me out of business in the bad grammar department. So sorry if this review is totally useless...
Again, wow... |
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Chirantha
The boy genius.
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 01 Jul 2008
Posts: 753
Reviews: 143
Country: Somewhere above or below ground
1671 Points
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| Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 4:07 pm Post subject: |
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It was a sad little poem and I liked it. It was good. 
It has been a long year.
Now its time to go, (Maybe, put 'But, now it's time to go')
But I don’t want to leave. (A comma after 'But')
How do I suppose to say goodbye? (It should be 'How am I')
I know I will see them next year. (A comma after 'know')
Why am I so torn up about this?
I guess I just never like to say goodbye.
It always seem like the end.
All these years were great but now its hard.
I don’t want to forget them.
I really enjoyed it here,
But now its time to say goodbye.
When the last day came I walked with my head down. (A comma after 'came')
I was kind of happy to leave but sad to not see my friends. (It should be 'not to see')
They say we are best friends until the end.
I believe them but I would like to see them once in awhile.
I said my goodbyes and headed out the door.
I walked a block to my house in tears.
Just because…
I didn’t want to say goodbye.
Well, like I said, it was sad poem. And I liked it. But you could have used more metaphors and phrases. It would have added an interest. Well, it was good.
Well done.  |
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"ARE WE GOOD TO GO?" - Julius Root
"No need to shout, commander. These head sets could pick up a spider scratching in Madagascar" - Foaly
"And is there a spider scratching in madagascar?" -Julius Root |
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Jannie
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 13 Sep 2008
Posts: 23
Reviews: 5
Country: Philippines
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 4:12 am Post subject: |
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It was a LITTLE poem.
i dont even want to start on the grammar.
but still...improve.. |
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To say to somebody, "I Love You"...
It may not change a thing, but it's nice to know.
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| This thread was created on September 7, 2008 |
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