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This thread was created on September 6, 2008
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Epiphany
Topic ID: 35653
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andrew.j.m
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 16
Joined: 06 Sep 2008
Posts: 49
Reviews: 24
200 Points
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 Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:39 am Post subject: Epiphany |
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Anything you work your ass off to acquire is just something else that will be taken away from you, whether it be stolen, lost, forgotten, or you die. Nothing lasts forever. We all decay, we all turn to dirt.
If you made millions of dollars and saved thousands of lives, in a few hundred years from now you'll be the same dirt as me. Me and the bums and the rapers. Your dirt won't be shinier, it won't be more fruitful. You'll be dead, you'll be dirt. You'll be forgotten.
My father used to "rest his eyes" when he drove. I'd yell at him all the time for sleeping behind the wheel, but he said he was just "resting his eyes". It got to the point when I didn't care. It got to the point where I respected him for it. Because that's the best way to go through life.
Resting you're eyes go 70 miles an hour down a highway. Resting your eyes while the car in front of you stops. Resting your eyes as the two cars collide. Resting you're eyes while flames fly, babies scream, and you're family burns alive. Charred. Dead. Dirt. Resting your eyes when everyone will say it was you're fault. Rest you're eyes and you won't care.
Notebook the movie was shit. Caring and love aren't the ultimate goal. Some say the meaning of life is to find the person you love, to help others, to fuck the hottest girl. No. That's not what life is about.
The meaning of life is the journey. What you learn, what stays with you.
But Nothing really stays with you. Life is a one way ticket to death. A one way ticket to dirt.
We all die. We all lose everything we cared about. We all become dirt. Don't care about anything, and for Christ's sake don't love. It will never last. We all become dirt. So. Rest your eyes. |
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sofi
Senior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 16
Joined: 29 Jun 2008
Posts: 130
Reviews: 39
Country: England and also UAE
545 Points
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 8:10 am Post subject: |
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Okay, well I liked this...I think, despite all the cynicism, however, I wasn't too sure what the point of it was? Is this something which you, personally, believe/think or is it just a way you think some people might look at life? (I'm hoping you didn't almost burn alive in a car crash or anything like that...)
I thought it was very well written. the way you used 'rest your eyes' all the way through then at the very end at the end was very effective. I think reading this could turn anyone into a cynic! It was also just the right length. Any longer and it would have got too monotonous and knowing when to finish a piece is very important.
I only noticed one mistake:
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| Resting you're eyes go 70 miles an hour down a highway |
is that supposed to be 'going 70 miles' ?
Aside from that I didn't really find anything else. I've never critiqued anything from this forum before because I never really know how haha so I don't know how helpful I've been.
Sofi. |
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' I just felt that someone could come along and blow hard and I'd fly away from him...go in the wind and end up next door or on another planet with someone else, anywhere. Just because the wind blew...' |
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xyberangel
Writer
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Age: 18
Joined: 16 Oct 2007
Posts: 77
Reviews: 59
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 12:59 pm Post subject: |
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hmmn quite an intense and cynical poem, well i did find it powerful althrough i'd never agree with the messages that comes through, i mean if we all turn to dirt anways might as well make a good run for life you know what i mean?
as for the writing itself, it does seem kind of like an essay or article, but there are rough bits which need to be refined from sounding just like a rant...
not sure if that was helpful
- Flora |
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| This thread was created on September 6, 2008 |
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