Part I; Leaving



Close my eyes...for the last time. 

I don't want to wake up and find my world wrecked, shattered and strewn with pain, evar again. 

Blankets of darkness, wrap themselves around me, tucking me in tonight. 

I'll stumble over my reasons to stay, playing them over in my mind.

Why? Why should i not go? What is there to hold me here, but my tears?

Silence, 

has become my best friend.

Solitude, 

my closest companion. 

No one sees me,

No one hears my crying.

No one notices just how much i'm bleading inside.

I'll cover my wounds with a little makeup. 

And go out into the public, faking it to everyone.   

And no one, Not even my closeset friends care enough to see the blood behind all this powder and the blush. 

Secrets whispered straight to my heart from the mouth of darkness. 

No one moves to break through all my walls, and enter my world. 

No one speaks to shatter the voices of the dark ones, screaming inside my mind, trapping me here. 

If someone would only touch me, speak to me, say something! To shatter the spell and break the world they have me living in. 

Drifting around the peices, Avoiding the holes they've made for me to fall into.

I've kept this up, running for so long,  Theres nothing left that i can do.

I'm trapped and sinking in deeper now.

Goodbye, I whipser to those that i have loved,

But they won't hear, My words are invisable to everyone because no one has tried to hear me. 

I'm slowly fadeing but they won't see. They have all chosen to believe the smile i've painted over my broken heart. 

How fake this is! But they still cannot see!

My lies and deciet of painted happiness, will play there toll on me now. 

But there was never anyone there to listen to the real heart in me. 

Death...death...death...I hear them chanting in my mind. 

I give up...I'm tired of fighting. 

I'll pop the pills and leave this world. 

I lay here and I'll close my eyes...one last time.

Goodbye.

   

       Part II; Dieing



As I feel I'm drifting away...a sweet peace comes over me because i know... 

I am dieing. A smile plays softly over my lips. Relief rushes over my heart like a gentle flowing stream. 

Sweet hot tears fall gently across my face and my soft smile turns to gentle lauhgter

Laughter, that shakes the pain off the surface that coats my heart. 

Sinking, but into light this time. Darkness cannot touch me here...here inside of death. 

All my dreams that never came true, all the times that love has failed me, all the times that i have bled...they won't matter anymore. I'm going and i'll be gone for good this time. 

I didn't get to tell a soul goodbye, because no one was listening, but they'll all find out soon enough, that I had tried to say goodbye. 

I let myself go. Even deeper now I fade. 

Goodbye, I whisper through my soul.

goodbye pain, goodbye heartache, goodbye lonliness, goodbye rejection, goodbye. 

I feel myself leave so many things behind with the world my soul is drifting from. 

I feel myself leaveing all the people who were too busy to notice, all the people who knew but ignored me anyways. All the people who took my pain lightly. They'll all know the mistakes they made, come morning. But it will be too late to save me. I won't look back, not ever again. 

I won't look back to see if anyone is beckoning for me to stay. I won't turn back to see, if anyone cared or left tokens of love for me. 

They all had their chance to rescue, but they all walked away from me. 

I taste bitterness in my mouth towards them as I let go of my life. No one can stop me. 

No one can make me stay here in this hell. 

I'll go on to somewhere better, where my heart can finally breathe. Where my soul can rest and be fully satisfyed. 

I let go all. the. way. 

I see arms through the light, reach out to hold me. I feel them take me up and pull me close, to lean against a strong chest. I can feel the beating of a beautiful heart and it sounds like a song. rich and true. I listen and i hear...each beat says my name. 

I've finally found where i want to be...forever. A forever that will last and will not fail me. 

My soul wraps itself around this mans heart and i can feel his wrapping around me. 

The sweetest embrace i could ever feel,  The truest kiss i could ever taste, are the ones that come from him. 

My soul is satisfyed here inside of his love. Nothing more, could i ever want then to be here with him, his arms around me...holding me. A lost, broken, ugly girl held gently in the tenderness of his merciful love. How many times have i wronged him when i walked the earth i had just left behind, and how much does he still love me and welcome me into this new place to be with him. 

I hear his words wash over me as he whispers in my ear, "I Love you." His voice is tender and filled with strength. The most beautiful voice i have ever heard. 

I press into him closer to feel him beside me. 

And I know all this was worth closeing my eyes one last time down there, because now they have been opened forever up here.