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The Artist Gets a Compliment
The Artist Gets a Compliment

by Snoink in Dramatic Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction

This thread was created on September 1, 2008
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Forsaken Ch 3 part 1

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jasmine12   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 1:47 am    Post subject: Forsaken Ch 3 part 1 Reply with quote

Again, this is Joanna now. So, just tell me what you think. I suck with grammar.

Joanna

So living away from parents just means more over protective living arrangements. I guess things must be different from the movies. However, what could you really expect from a town ruled by vamps? Little kids playing hopscotch?

Well, it wasn’t so bad having Chase around. I mean he is gorgeous. He looks like a younger version of Austin Winkler—Hinder…yeah—and his voice is so low and sexy. Too bad he is kind of my landlord and dating is strictly prohibited when undercover…or ever.

He has me already distracted and it hasn’t even been five hours since I moved in. The situation here is really out of control. I’ll probably need to call Paige to get some help with this. From the sounds of things, there are hundreds of vamps running around. And probably hundreds more underground.

And what’s with this protection thing? It sounds like vampires are like pimps and humans are junkies.

Before I left, I made sure all of my weapons were secured away. I hid most of them in my dresser and between the mattress and box spring. I brought my knife that I always keep in a holster on my leg and one behind my back on my belt.

It was like going to high school all over again, but with a dark alter ego that only comes out at night. To the vampires I’m known as Lilith because they fear the name. It symbolizes night and disease in some religions. However, it’s quite the opposite in witchcraft. Lilith is the goddess of the moon and childbirth. But since they fear it, might as well use it to my advantage.

Go me.

The actual collage buildings were farther away than I remembered. They were old fashion red bricks instead of the normal gray stone you see now a days. Lucky for me there were signs every where pointing me in the direction of the main office building. I ended up there five minutes early. The lady at the desk told me to sit and wait for the dean to be ready.

After sitting there for what felt like hours, the door to the dean’s office opened and a rolly polly stuck his head out and waved me in.

Mr. Rolly Polly was round in the middle, in the face, even his hands were round. Dude, ever heard of slim fast?

“Well, Ms. Webs, Welcome to Sentinelsville. You like it so far?”

What a dumb question? Obviously not, since I can’t even leave my house without having to look over my shoulder every five seconds. “It reminds me of where I grew up.” I said with a courteous smile.

His face opened up and boomed a laugh. At least I think it was a laugh, I wasn’t trying to be funny. When he finished he sighed, “Sadly, you will learn that there are probably some differences.”

I played with my hands, “I doubt that, sir.”

“Well, lets get you all set up with classes, huh.”

He opened his laptop and started typing, “So where are you staying? On or off campus?”

“Off.”

He looked at me, his face suddenly serious. “Sorry to hear that.” But he left it at that.

“I was looking at your grades and well, there isn't much to them. Mind telling my why that is?”

I couldn’t tell him the truth. I could just see his face—chubby and red—go pale. He’d probably kick me out of the collage and have some one run me out of town. I couldn’t say ‘Oh yeah, I was always up all night killing vampires and couldn’t really pay attention in class.’

So I shrugged.

“I see.” He nodded, “I see here that you only have one major and no minor courses selected. Are you sure you are up to the challenge?”

“I can handle it.”

He nodded again and took a piece of paper out of the drawer and handed it to me. “These are your class schedules. They start next week so you have all this week to get settled. Maybe even find a job to pay for school since a scholarship is definitely out, no offence.”

Offence taken!

“Thank you, sir.” We both stood up at the same time. He walked around his desk to me.

“You see, we like keeping our streets safe, so I suggest that you try to stay inside when it gets dark. You understand.”

“No parties then?” I asked sarcastically.

“Not off campus. And the cops are usually called earlier than you must be use to. This town is different; you will see that soon enough. Well, I suppose that is all. You should get on home; it’s starting to get dark.”

I nodded and smiled, “Thank you.”

When I left I noticed it was my favorite time of day—twilight—and the streets were completely disserted with only one exception…me.

With my fists clenched, I stalked off down the street that looked somewhat familiar. Off in the distance you could see the sun setting behind the trees. If I weren’t so anxious, I would have been able to enjoy the sight.


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omsvmars22   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice, I liked it. A little short for my taste though! Razz Okay, on to the review...(sorry, I am in a nitpick mood) Cool

Quote:
Too bad he is kind of my landlord and dating is strictly prohibited when undercover…or ever.

Maybe go into a little more detail here, tell us if she has had any past dating experience of what she is going to do about Chase and his sexy voice. Smile

Quote:
It was like going to high school all over again,

How was this like high school? And wasn't she homed schooled? Perhaps I am going crazy? Rolling Eyes

Quote:
Go me.

Haha Laughing Yes, go her!

Quote:
Mr. Rolly Polly was round in the middle, in the face, even his hands were round. Dude, ever heard of slim fast?

Shocked Hehe, I love this line. Laughing

Quote:
With my fists clenched, I stalked off down the street that looked somewhat familiar.

Why are her fists clenched? What is familiar? Details!

One thing that bothered me is I thought that Chase and Blaze are suppose to be following her to make sure she is safe, right? Well she is a world class vampire hunter, how does she not know 2 weak humans are trailing her? Confused If she does know, tells us about, and how she feels about it.

Other then that I liked it! Feel free to totally ignore everything I told you but I do hope that this helped! Wink I hope you continue because I want to know what happens! Great Job! Good luck and Happy writing!! Very Happy

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It's not the face, but the expressions on it. It's not the voice, but what you say. It's not how you look in the body, but the things you do with it. You are beautiful.-------Ian O'Shea
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jasmine12   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I guess i didnt make things clear, huh.
Well Uhm, I'll fix it...Thank you so much!!!!

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