This face cream thing is getting out of hand.

"Just one, darling, just buy one."

No, I keep telling her, I don't want to buy your face cream.

So she gives me these little sample packets. I think they're supposed to make me want the big bottle.

But I have so many samples that I don't even need a bottle of it.

If I even used the stuff.

I keep the little aluminum envelopes under my bed in a box. There are three hundred and forty-two of them.

I counted them yesterday.

I'm staring at one now. Nutritious Creme Masque. It's spelt like that so that it sounds more distinguished. Maybe if they called it Healthy Cream Mask, fewer women would want it.

It started last year, when her Women's Club got into it.

Buy the cream, sell it to your friends, and make money!

At least that's what they said.

It's all a huge scam, anyway.

Why don't they get it?

At first she was like me - didn't want in on it.

But then she tried the stuff.

"Oh, darling, it's like Heaven and kittens and flowers all rolled into one!"

She likes kittens.

How do you know it's like Heaven when you've never been there, I asked.

"Must you always ruin things, darling?"

Then she stomped off.

But not for long.

"Really, darling, you should try it! Valerie did and look at her now! Making millions off her face creams."

She's not making millions off her face creams, I said, her husband is making millions off the innocent.

She just sniffed at me.

I've pulled out the box to add the ones she just gave me.

Three hundred and forty-eight.

"It's a new one, darling! This one beats them all. Extract of lavender and ylang-ylang. Just try it, darling, just try it.”

I don't know what ylang-ylang is.

And I don't care.

They're quite pretty, really.

Little silver coloured squares, all smooth and perfect.

This one is a gentle daily cleanser.

This one moisturizes.

This one smoothes out wrinkles.

This one gets rid of acne.

This one cleans your pours.

This one makes you feel 'fresh and rejuvenated'.

This one relieves stress.

Wow. I guess face creams can cure all your problems.

"It works, darling, it really does! Margaret is cool as a cucumber since she started using it. No more emotional breakdowns! See? The active ingredient is chamomile, darling."

Maybe I should just buy the cream, to make her shut up.

But then what?

Would I become one of them?

Selling my creams door to door,

Plaguing my friends with "Just one, darling, just buy one."

Applying the sickly sweet emulsions to my face every two hours,

Walking about in my housecoat with a cream mask on,

Talking on the telephone, trying to advertise their newest product,

Believing I'm making money when really the company is taking it all...

It's not worth the risk.

I'll just keep politely refusing.

One package is slightly open.

I'm squeezing it, putting a bit on my finger.

Then I'm smelling it.

It doesn't smell that bad...in fact, it's sort of pleasant.

Next thing I know, I'm rubbing it onto my cheek.

My god, it does feel like Heaven and kittens!

She's standing there in the doorway, a smug smile on her face.

"I've been telling you, darling, I've been telling you how wonderful it is.

You just never listened."

I look up at her and smile.

How much, darling, how much is a bottle of this stuff?