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by jasmine12 in Dramatic Poetry
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This thread was created on August 12, 2008
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Don't Think Twice, Part One
Don't Think Twice, Part Three
Don't Think Twice, Part Four
Don't Think Twice, Part Five

Don't Think Twice, Part Two

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HC   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 4:17 pm    Post subject: Don't Think Twice, Part Two Reply with quote

A/N - The second installment. Hopefully things will be a bit clearer in this. Not completely obvious, I don't think.

I know the mood swings very suddenly throughout this, but that was a representation of her current mood.

Enjoy!

Word:Picture

036 : 05 Gaunt

They had started to talk about her. She had heard them gossiping while walking through the park, too involved in what each said they did not notice her following just a few steps behind them, her sheep dog trotting along beside her. They said she was looking thin, that perhaps she was not eating; that her face was gaunt, her skin clinging to her bones.

Well, the youngest had said, no matter what she looks like, I'd still kill to have those cheekbones.

They had tried to restrain themselves, but after a few moments, they erupted into laughter. It had been a chorus of high pitched giggles, and she had trailed of, falling into the nearest bench.

The newspapers were talking. She had seen them on the way home from the airport on her first day back. Every broadsheet, every tabloid had her “story”. She had no story, in her mind. He had been taken from her, and that's all she had known. A single tear had rolled down her cheek, a cold breeze making her shiver. She had pulled her jacket tighter around her, her sheep dog sniffing at the bench legs, pleasantly oblivious to his owner's feelings.

He had told her they would be together always, that he would never leave her. She hadn't realised that this was a promise he couldn't make. How cruel it was for her to have learnt it this way. She had squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to block out these thoughts.

Keep yourself busy, her doctor had told her, in his strong Antigua accent, don't let yourself think about it.

Her mother had tried to take her to the doctor's when she had arrived home, but she knew that there was nothing wrong with her that medication could cure.

Had it been a punishment? For something in her past? She could not think of anything that deserved this.

They had only been married for a few days. They were going to spend their whole lives together. Have children, grow old together, watch their children go off to lead their own lives. Do the little things; brush their teeth together, snuggle up and watch Cash in the Attic, read the same books, argue over who makes the best custard. That's what she had been missing the most.

She had not been able to remember the man's face, just this huge bulky figure filling the door way, and the scream she'd let tear from her. If she'd only stayed calm...maybe he wouldn't have done it. Just taken their stuff and left. Maybe.

Her sheep dog had then nudged her foot, and she had snapped out of these 'what if' games. She had rose from the street, shuffling home while trying to hold back the tears.



Last edited by HC on Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:54 pm; edited 4 times in total
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alwaysawriter   View This User's Portfolio
is back to writing and critiquing.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi HC, I'm back again. Once again, sorry I didn't get to this sooner.

Quote:
that her face gaunt,
that her face was gaunt,

Quote:
every tabloid had her “story”.
The period should be inside the quotations because it doesn't look like it belongs after it (I may be wrong on this but it just seems like it doesn't look right.)

Quote:
He had told her they would be together always. That he would never leave her.
He had told her they would be together always, that he would never leave her.

Quote:
She hadn't realised that this was a promise he couldn't make.
She hadn't realiz that his way a promise he couldn't make.

Quote:
Her mother had tried to take her to the doctors
Doctor's

MUCH better with the tenses this time. Smile
I can't figure out what she's talking about yet either so I think you've done good on that front.

*goes to review last part*

PM me for anything at all.

-alwaysawriter

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Need help? PM me or e-mail me! A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong. -Orson Welles. Read My Blog.
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