Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
Cerberus
Cerberus

by anti-pop in Art & Photography
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction

This thread was created on August 11, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us

Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
Poisoned Roses--Prologue
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 1
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 2
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 3
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 4
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 5
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 6
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 7
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 8
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 9
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 10
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 12
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 13
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 14
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 15
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 16
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 17
Poisoned Roses--Chapter 18

Poisoned Roses--Chapter 11

Topic ID: 34324
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Ad Astra, Amor
Master of the Forum

747
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1289
Reviews: 747
Country: Frozen in the Great Lakes
300 Points

PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:01 pm    Post subject: Poisoned Roses--Chapter 11 Reply with quote

Okay, sorry this took so long to be put up. Now, this is the chapter where things get intense, so beware that it might be a little crazy at times.

Happy Reading Very Happy

**Edited as of Sept. 21**

_____________________________

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Michael’s hideout turns out to be the old, run-down cabin on the east side of the lake. It has been our place since I was transformed forty years ago. However, I haven’t visited in sometime. The cabin seems to be falling apart, the once strong brick walls crumbling brick by brick. The roof is caved in on one side and vines snake along the outside, dripping with water as the frost melts; March is upon us.

Beyond the cabin, Lake Michigan’s waters tumble over each other as the wind blows the waves towards shore. The sun is hot against my skin and I regret wearing the thick wool vest I had picked out earlier this morning. Michael looks uncomfortable as well in his navy-blue sweater. He seems lost in thought, his eyes distant. I walk beside him, feeling slightly out of place as we pace along.

“I come here all the time,” Michael tells me suddenly as we circle the grounds, running his hand along the uneven brick walls. “To think about things, how the world is turning out.” He pauses, glancing over at me. “The Coven is changing, Sophia. Have you noticed?” I stop, my words catching in my throat at this blunt statement. What in the world does Michael mean by that? I try to retrace the last few weeks in my mind, looking for some sort of sign or signal to discover the meaning behind his words. When I find nothing, I slowly shake my head no. He sighs deeply. “Guessed not. You’ve been too busy with your new human friend to notice what is happening in your very home.” His voice is harsh, and I flinch away from him, taking a step back.

“What is happening, Michael?” I question, angered by his narrowed eyes. “What could be happening that I missed. I sleep there every night, I spend my afternoons there after school, I—“

He cuts me off. “Do you? Or do you just wander these halls like a zombie, too absorbed with Isaac to care?”

Grinding my molars together, I stare steadily at him. Is it true? Have I become a zombie? “I-I…” I trail off, my defensive side weakening as I see the truth. “You’re right. I haven’t been very…social lately.”

“We are your family, Sophia, your Coven. We are the ones that care about you, that love you. Not this Isaac guy.” Michael tries to make me see reason.

I shake my head. “Isaac is my friend. He cares about me just as much as you do.”

“How can you say that?” Michael explodes. “I, who have known you for forty years, compared to Isaac, who has known you for little over two months?”

“Michael, I—“

“Save it,” he grumbles, stepping away from the house. “I didn’t come here to argue with you. I came here to give you the news.” He rakes a heavy hand through his curls, leaning his upper body against the wall of the cabin. “Philip is being challenged for leadership.”

I gasp, my mind hurrying to catch up with what Michael had just said. “Who would do that? Philip has kept us safe for over a millennium…who would dare say that he could run it better than him?”

“She, actually. You remember Rebecca from your last run-in with the law?”

I snarl softly. “That snickering female?” The memory of that laughing female the last time Carmen and I had fought sends my limbs shaking at her audacity.

“The same one. She thinks that Philip is loosing his touch, that he isn’t as wise as he was years ago.”

“I don’t get it…how could I have missed this?” I sigh, yanking on my hair. Have I really been that oblivious lately that I haven’t even seen the changes happening right in front of my eyes? I know the answer to that without even thinking. Isaac has been my main focus, his laugh echoing in my dreams. I try to concentrate on what Michael is saying. “Has she challenged him openly?”

“Last night was the first time. You were already sleeping when Philip was having a meeting with the Council. He was warning us about the up-coming vacation spot of Lake Michigan. How we had to be cautious of all the new humans coming in only a few short months.”

“Nora showed you the vents, didn’t she?” I ask coyly with a raised eyebrow.

Michael shrugs sheepishly. “How else would I be able to know what is going on?” I laugh softly as he continues. “Well, when he said this, Rebecca had jumped to her feet, angered that he was reminding them of the same thing he did every year. She said she was sick of his repetition, of words and no action. She called him out on every rule and I guess Philip just sat there and took it.”

“Wow,” I pause, glancing apprehensively at him when I see his sudden stiffness, “There’s more, isn’t here?”

“Yes,” he hesitates, “One of the rules she did call him out on was the rules of Human Confrontation and Interaction.” I freeze. “She said that it was a stupid rule, and that it wouldn’t hurt anybody if we took one, maybe two tourists a year. She said that murders happen every day between humans. What’s the difference if we did them?” His voice is now a growl.

I lean against the cabin, my knees shaking. “I-I can’t believe this!” I remember when Rebecca lashed out at me because of the murder I had committed. Now she is suggesting we do more of it…I clutch at my head, the information too much for me to comprehend.

“And that’s not the half of it.”

“There’s more?”

“When she said these, a few from the Council agreed. They told Philip that resisting their natural instincts was like going against what they were. They said that he was holding them back.”

I shake my head, shivering in the breeze. “What are they thinking? If we did do what Rebecca is suggesting, one or two wouldn’t be enough for a whole Coven. We would need ten, eleven humans to cover us! And wouldn’t the humans eventually come to investigate these disappearances?”

“I don’t know, Sophia. Rebecca says that humans’ are too blinded by their own selfish needs to see what is right in front of them.”

I growl. “We were humans, once. Were we blind?”

Michael nods in agreement. “But she has followers. And when that happens, she’s endangering Philip. The more followers, the easier it will be to overtake the Coven.”

”I can’t believe this is happening! Philip won’t allow this.”

“I hope not. But he is older, nearing his thousand-year mark.”

“Don’t say that,” I snap, then sigh heavily. “Sorry, but it’s just so…unbelievable.”

“I know. That’s why I thought you should know.”

“Thank you, Michael,” I say, lifting my lips to smile at him.

“No problem,” he grins back. I start walking again towards the dock on the lake. The wood planks shudder under my weight but I press forward, my mind swirling and giving me a headache. I can hear Michael behind me, pursuing silently. I ignore him, too absorbed in my own thoughts to care.

When I reach the end of the dock, I halt and gaze out at the immensity of the lake. Ducks quack from above, returning for the spring. I can see a deer nibbling on the new buds from the tree branches in the distance and a family of rabbits emerging for a taste of that new-grown clover. I close my eyes, letting the wind catch the strands of hair around my face, blowing them away. Michael’s shoulder brushes mine and my eyes flutter open. His face is grim, his jaw clenched, brow furrowed. I can feel the tension emitting from him and place a consoling hand upon his shoulder. He starts at my gesture and looks down at me. “I’m worried, Sophia. I’m worried about what is happening to our Coven, to our way of life.” He shivers as the breeze blows through his orange hair, ruffling the curls sitting there.

“I know. I am too.”

* * * *

Michael’s words ring in my ears as I lay on my back in bed. Nora snores loudly on the other side of the room but even that can’t drown out his statement. I’m worried, Sophia. I’m worried about what is happening to our Coven, to our way of life. It just gives me the shivers to think of what would happen if Philip is overthrown. He is our rock, our safety net, our one and only leader. He is the one that Bonds Blood Mates, approves Births, and gives advice to those who need it the most. Wasn’t he the one who was always there when I was either lost or confused? Wasn’t he always the one who gave us food when are canines grew inside out mouths? He kept us safe. He put us before himself.

He was selfless.

But Rebecca seems to think otherwise. She calls him old, unwise, and weak. She thinks him a traitor of our natural instincts as if we were turning out back on our way of life. I shudder to think what would happen if she ever came into power. She would destroy us. It would return to the way things were long ago when humans had fear of us—of werewolves and witches and vampires. It was said in their history books that humans had killed thousands of innocent people because of stupid assumptions.

Oh, how wrong they were…


_________________
Amor Vincit Omnia - Love Conquers All

Inconcessus Anyone?

Need a Review? Click Here!


Last edited by ashleylee on Sun Sep 21, 2008 5:01 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Night Mistress   View This User's Portfolio
is having a writing problem.
Master of the Forum

217
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 18
Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 1266
Reviews: 217
Country: USA
1705 Points

PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh, wow. looks like the Coven is breaking apart. I hate rebecca and the others that agreed with her. Philips seems like a caring leader. I hope Philips keeps the leadership of the Coven.

As for Sophia and Issac, i think you shoud have them back off for a while until this whole problem is solved.

As Nora and carmen, I think they should back each other too. i know they are becoming more and more in love with each other, too. but they should noticed what is going on and not just Micheal.

anyways, anpther great chapter under your belt. and You are horrible about letting me know that you posted another chapter.

keep up the good work.

and my nexh chapter should be up in the next couple of days, hopefully.

Brianna

_________________
"I can't get enough of you. i just can't. No matter how much i stay away, i can't help myself."

Elizabeth Grey of Poison Love.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
KJ   View This User's Portfolio
We are ne'er like angels till our passion dies...
Speaker of the Forum

485
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 04 Mar 2008
Posts: 686
Reviews: 485
Country: USA
150 Points

PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 10:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Ash.

I'm glad you finally got around to posting this. Took you long enough Smile

Okay, so the comma thing. You're missing them where they should be some and there are some wherer there shouldn't be. Got to work on that. Try this website for examples, etc.: http://www.mtroyal.ab.ca/learningskills/writing_links.shtml


Just one nitpick:
Quote:
“Thank you, Michael,” I say, smiling softly at him.

“No problem,” he smiles back.

Two things about this: The smiling seems rather sudden. I mean, they were both so grim a moment ago, about the coven leadership and all, and then they're suddenly affectionate and smiling, as if they've forgotten their troubles. If they're in love, then I believe this could happen, but as it is... you get it. And the comma in the second dialogue should be a period. You can't "smile" words.

All in all, inetersting development. I didn't see this coming. Keep writing, girl.

_________________
I need critiques on my story Because: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic36505.html

An author in his book must be like God in the universe, present everywhere and visible nowhere ~Gustave Flaubert
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
In_the_Moonlight   View This User's Portfolio
Senior Writer

75
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 13
Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 112
Reviews: 75
Country: Nartimarick- yes it does exist.....
384 Points

PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:46 pm    Post subject: However..?! Reply with quote

I've read all of your chapters so far for poisoned roses and I've loved all of them. You have a great way of developing a realistic character. At times in the story you tend to use the word: However- a lot. Anyway i loved this chapter and can't wait for the next! Very Happy

_________________
"I know you are not who you pretend to be," Will said. "I know you are some
demon thing, and I may find myself damned for
seeking your aid. But thank you. Perhaps it is wrong to give thanks for damnation,
but thank you nonetheless."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Ad Astra, Amor
Master of the Forum

747
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1289
Reviews: 747
Country: Frozen in the Great Lakes
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 12:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Night Mistress:

I think I will forever be the person who NEVER PM's people about new people. I think it's just because I don't particularly like to ask people for critiques...so I don't know. But next time I post (which might be today Confused don't know yet) I WILL PM you. Promise!

Now, back to your review, yeah, things kind of mellow out with the couples here. Hopefully, things don't go all crazy in the up coming chapters.

Thanks so much for keeping with this! I look forward to your reviews every time! Wink And I look forward to your next chapter to Poison Love. PM me when you post it!

KJ:

Hey, Kels!

Thanks for all that comma info stuff. I really do need help with it. I'll check out that website when I have time. And I will fix up that thing you pointed out. Will work on that Wink

Thanks for reading!

In_The_Moonlight:

Holy Jeeze! You read ALL eleven chapters! That's crazy...but extremely appreciated!

I promse to work on that "However" thing. I do tend to overuse that. Wink

Thank you SO much for reading all of my installments! That must have taken you forever! But I do love that you took the time to read them Very Happy

_________________
Amor Vincit Omnia - Love Conquers All

Inconcessus Anyone?

Need a Review? Click Here!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
lucyy   View This User's Portfolio
Daydreamer
Novelist

90
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 16 Jul 2008
Posts: 251
Reviews: 90
Country: Stuck in a book...
360 Points

PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oooh, I love how you've added more to the story so it isn't just focusing on Isaac and Sophia.
Looking forward to find out what happens with The Coven problem
& just one thing that confuses me slightly in the other chapters (can't remember which one) Why did Carmen tell Isaac where Sophia would be & then go searching for them both? Is he against or for it?? I guess I will find out in later chapters ... hmmm ....
Anyway, I'm off to read the last chapter (I don't want it to end!!) & I'm just loving this story so much ... keep posting more chapters to it!!! hehe Very Happy
Lucyy xx

_________________
**Wishing You All A Happy New Year!!**

Want an Awesomely Happy Lucyy Review? Click here for your AHLR =P
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Ad Astra, Amor
Master of the Forum

747
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1289
Reviews: 747
Country: Frozen in the Great Lakes
300 Points

PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lucyy:

Yes, I will keep posting chapters! I just have to review other people's work first Wink
Carmen is totally AGAINST Sophia/Isaac thing, just to let you know. Yeah, he doesn't want them together at all.

Well, thanks so much for reading all of them! Very Happy

_________________
Amor Vincit Omnia - Love Conquers All

Inconcessus Anyone?

Need a Review? Click Here!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Merry_Haven   View This User's Portfolio
I. Am. Weird.
Novelist

173
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 18
Joined: 25 Jul 2008
Posts: 398
Reviews: 173
Country: ~Where the home is~
490 Points

PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ashley-
Okay, this story is totally grabbing me in. Not like it hasn't before, it's just that it's gotten intense now.
The coven situation is sad, and I liked Phillip being their leader. And I definitely don't like Rebecca.
Not much I can say because I'm going to read chapter twelve now...
-Merry
~oh, and thanks for posting Poisoned Roses. You totally got me hooked when I first started to read this. Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Ad Astra, Amor
Master of the Forum

747
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1289
Reviews: 747
Country: Frozen in the Great Lakes
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Merry_Haven:

I'm glad you like it so much! Very Happy I still kind of get amazed that this story is turning out as it is because I only started this to satisfy my love for vampire books while I was working on my other stories. I had never really considered finishing but now, I just can't stop writing.

However (ha *however* will work on that Moonlight Wink ), I must say that I am in kind of a writer block at the moment with this story. Hopefully I can get out of it soon...

But anywa, thanks SO VERY MUCH for reading this, Merry! It means a lot! Very Happy

_________________
Amor Vincit Omnia - Love Conquers All

Inconcessus Anyone?

Need a Review? Click Here!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Ad Astra, Amor
Master of the Forum

747
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1289
Reviews: 747
Country: Frozen in the Great Lakes
300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 5:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*edited*

_________________
Amor Vincit Omnia - Love Conquers All

Inconcessus Anyone?

Need a Review? Click Here!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Angel of Death   View This User's Portfolio
L'amour a des ailes
Master of the Forum

514
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 14
Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 1071
Reviews: 514
Country: Where the big star in the sky doesn't leave
485 Points

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm back!

This was a very powerful chapter. It made this story seem so different from other vampire stories and romance stories alike. Some people when writing books like these stray away from explaining what is to happen and I guess they're just too afraid to get their hands dirty. I liked the venom and the importance that you displayed in Mike and Sophia's conversation. I don't want to repeat myself but this story is so freakin' great! There's action and romance and drama all wrapped in one. *Gold Star*

Keep writing,
~Angel

_________________
The Jane Effect

"Don't be frightened. It’s only the Angels quarreling." -Andrew from The Jane Effect
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
Ad Astra, Amor
Master of the Forum

747
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1289
Reviews: 747
Country: Frozen in the Great Lakes
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Angel of Death:

You are too nice! Very Happy

I'm so glad you like this. Yeah, this is another chapter that I really worked hard on and liked. I just now have to go back and fix up the rest Wink

Thanks again!

_________________
Amor Vincit Omnia - Love Conquers All

Inconcessus Anyone?

Need a Review? Click Here!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
KJ   View This User's Portfolio
We are ne'er like angels till our passion dies...
Speaker of the Forum

485
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 04 Mar 2008
Posts: 686
Reviews: 485
Country: USA
150 Points

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2008 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CHAPTER ELEVEN: All I can think of the say at this a.m. hour is that I'm glad the plot is thickening - it was getting a little boring there Smile

I really do like your book so far, Ash.

_________________
I need critiques on my story Because: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic36505.html

An author in his book must be like God in the universe, present everywhere and visible nowhere ~Gustave Flaubert
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on August 11, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on August 11, 2008

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises. - Samuel Butler
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society