Topic ID: 34262
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Squall
呪われたルシを救う存在
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Country: New Zealand
383 Points
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 Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 11:21 am Post subject: |
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Hey lucyy.
I don't think you need a preface. All this can be shown in the first chapter of your novel. Why would need to introduce to us prior to the start of the narrative that the narrator is in love? That's what a romance novel is all about.
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| I looked into his emerald green eyes, sparkling with defiance. With love. |
Just getting dead tired with all the eye cliches that I read in people's works. It is a common idea that by looking at someone's eye, it portrays their soul, what they are feeling and who they are as a person. Come on, I think we all know that.
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I love you too, I wanted to shout back. I wanted so desperately to throw my arms around his neck, press my limp body against his strong statue, twist my fingers into his long, dark hair, and finally press my lips firmly against his. But I just couldn't - wouldn't. We both knew that our fates had been meddled with too much and we just could never be together.
I looked into his beautiful eyes one last time, turned wordlessly on my heel and walked away into the throng of holiday-makers, tears streaming down my face. |
All this is physical description, but it doesn't give us a reason as to why we should care tha the narrator is in love. Does a person fall in love with someone just because of their looks...or is there more to it?
Andy. |
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lucyy
Daydreamer
Novelist
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Posts: 250
Reviews: 90
Country: Stuck in a book...
360 Points
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| Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 4:37 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you both on taking your time to read and review this, I can't tell you how much it means to me =D
Angel of Death - You are too sweet, your review's going to make me smile all day (: hehe, and thank you for reading this. And thanks for your title suggestion - I really love it, I will definitely have that written down for when I start deciding on the title  hehe, so thank you =D
Squall
Thank you for reading this, and I have used this as a preface, because 6this scene happens on much later in the story, and I just love writing prefaces to start a story =P hehe. And the reason this is so vague, is because I show their love for each other etc as I start the story. I think that's all your questions answered (: and thank you for taking your time to read this and give me your opinions on it - it's always good to know what people think of my work =D
Again, thank you both,
--Lucyy xx |
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telle_04
Junior Writer
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Country: Philippines
317 Points
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| Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:49 pm Post subject: Re: A Titleless Story (1) |
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hello lucyy..
i'm still new here at yws, and i was just checking things out..
may i ask: is "A Titleless Story" really your chosen title..?perhaps you still want to change it..? **it's just a suggestion, you know..**
the preface..it was not bad..actually it was nice, because many young people can relate, especially girls..those who just had bitter breakups..
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| I love you too, I wanted to shout back. I wanted so desperately to throw my arms around his neck, press my limp body against his strong statue, twist my fingers into his long, dark hair, and finally press my lips firmly against his. |
**oh, how can i do that?!**
god bless..
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lucyy
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Novelist
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Age: 15
Joined: 16 Jul 2008
Posts: 250
Reviews: 90
Country: Stuck in a book...
360 Points
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| Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:07 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you for taking your time to read and review this, I appreciate it loads, so thank you And no, I don't have a title for this as of yet, but I'm open to suggestions!!
Thank you for reading this,
--Lucyy xx |
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