~Volant~
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 Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:01 am Post subject: Gray (II) |
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Gray
Scene II
(It’s morning. Mute is up, tossing his rock from hand to hand, thinking. Sage is asleep. Blaine wasn’t able to sleep last night, and he’s very tired and groggy. Prate is asleep, in the same position he was last scene, the half-made twine still in his hands.)
MUTE: You up, Sage? (beat) Sage, you ‘wake? (long pause) Blaine? Blaine, are you up? (beat) Blaine?
BLAINE: (sigh) What do you want?
MUTE: You got the window, right?
BLAINE: Yup.
MUTE: What can you see?
BLAINE: What does it matter?
MUTE: Are there trees?
BLAINE: There’s nothing to see.
MUTE: (dreaded pause) Did…did they block it?
BLAINE: No.
MUTE: Then…how can there be nothin’ to see?
BLAINE: There isn’t anything.
MUTE: But if they didn’t block it, you can still see through it, right? I mean, clearly?
BLAINE: Obviously.
MUTE: You’re confusin’ me…
BLAINE: Look, there’s nothing but sky, okay?
MUTE: Really?!
BLAINE: Yup.
MUTE: What’s it look like?
BLAINE: (beat) What?
MUTE: What does the sky look like?
BLAINE: What do you think a sky looks like? It looks like sky.
MUTE: What color s’it?
BLAINE: Green.
MUTE: Really?
BLAINE: No! Of course it’s blue!
MUTE: (hurt) It’s not always blue…
BLAINE: Blue sky, sky blue. What other color could it be?
(Sage starts to wake up as their conversation gets louder.)
MUTE: (desperately) Black, white, gray, purple, pink, yellow, gold, red…
BLAINE: What are you talking about?
MUTE: …an’ a dozen diff’rent shades o’ blue with a hundred diff’rent types o’ clouds in a thousand diff’rent shapes and sizes! It’s not always blue, I remember! I swear, I remember that, at least!
BLAINE: It’s blue. No clouds. Happy?
MUTE: (beat) What shade of blue?
BLAINE: Oh, for the love of…!
MUTE: Please! Is it a deep blue? A bright blue? A pale blue?
BLAINE: It’s a dark navy blue.
MUTE: Quit mockin’ me!
BLAINE: Oh, I’m dead serious. It’s a dark navy, sort of a brownish color.
SAGE: (now fully awake) Stop it. Not another word.
BLAINE: Huh. Look who’s up.
SAGE: You’re worse than any prison guard. Is that what you are? Some agent of the king to torment His Majesty’s prisoners?
BLAINE: What idiot would choose to be down here with people like Mute?
SAGE: Tell me the truth. What does the sky look like?
BLAINE: Who are you to—?
SAGE: What…does…the sky…look…like?
BLAINE: (beat, sigh) It’s a bright blue today.
MUTE: Is it real clear?
BLAINE: Sure. Yeah.
(Mute leans back, trying to visualize the sky, and becomes completely oblivious to anything else around him.)
MUTE: Clear, bright blue sky…
SAGE: (to Blaine) Honestly, Mute hasn’t seen the sky for two years. He hasn’t seen anything for two years.
BLAINE: Take off the damn blindfold. Maybe then he’ll be able to see.
SAGE: You know why he has that on.
BLAINE: (beat) Why? What did he do?
SAGE: It’s not my story. He’ll tell it when he wants to.
(Their conversation is interrupted by Mute’s sudden cry. Sage runs to the other side of his cell. Prate jerks awake, then fervently starts to weave the twine. Mute stumbles towards Sage, pushing his hand through the bars.)
MUTE: Sage? You there?
SAGE: (takes his fingers) I’m here, I’m here. What’s wrong?
MUTE: I can’t see no more! I can’t see!
SAGE: Of course you can’t see.
MUTE: S’not what I mean, s’not what I mean! It ain’t in my mind no more! It ain't there, I can’t see it! I can’t see nothin’! There’s, there’s no…
SAGE: Shhh…calm down…
MUTE: There’s no colors…they’re fadin’, they’re…they’re almost…
SAGE: Shhh…
(There’s a long silence while Sage tries to comfort him through the bars. Blaine stands awkwardly for a second, then goes back to his escape mindset; testing the bars, wiggling the lock, etc. Prate puts his head in his hands.)
MUTE: S’there light comin’ from the window?
SAGE: Yes, there’s light.
MUTE: What’s it look like?
SAGE: It’s white gold, and it never changes. It’s very bright, today.
MUTE: White gold…very bright…(sighs, imagines it) they’re almost gone…
(Anymore clues as to what their ages are? I'm trying to see if their dialogue works for thier ages...and, btw, they're all different ages. If this question bothers you, you don't have to answer. Haha. Thanks for reading!) |
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kittykat
is the official animal-fruit farmer of YWS
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| Posted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 3:10 am Post subject: |
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Looks like you got everything I asked for. ^_^ A little more about Mute's eyes and more about what Prate is doing. Still, there wasn't any grammar errors that I found. That's good. 
Now, about the ages... I would guess that Prate is the oldest. He just seems that way because of his lack of doing much other than sleep, eat, bathroom, and spin twine. Blaine I'd guess is second oldest, and then Sage and Mute is about the same. I think that Sage might be a year or so younger... or maybe older. He give me the most confusion, I think.
| Quote: |
| BLAINE: Oh, for the love of…! |
Is that exclamation point at the end really nessicary? I think it would look a bit better without it there. 
| Quote: |
| SAGE: What…does…the sky…look…like? |
For some reason I just think (says through teeth) should be there. Maybe it's just me, but you know. I think something should be there to comment on his emotion even though the reader could probably already guess what it is.
Now, just one more thing I'd like to say. I really don't think a guy in prison would really care about another prison mate as much as Sage does for Mute. It just doesn't come as something I'd think I would see in a prison, even if it were set in olden times. But since you started out that way I guess your going to have to stick with it. ^_^
When you get more PM me! 
-kittykat |
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Our happiness here is all vain glory,
This false world is but transitory,
The flesh is weak, the Fiend is slee
Timor mortis conturbat me.
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