Topic ID: 3404
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Incandescence
If you've nothing nice to say, come sit with me. Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 22 Nov 2004 Posts: 3046 Reviews: 903 Country: USA 318 Points
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Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 5:19 am Post subject: on poetry |
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Fumbling hands holding
black and blue pens forging
emotions onto bleached paper.
We are the kids who sit in our rooms,
and look to paper for guidance and
support from the weak peers of pencils and paperclips
that we have constructed around our personal fortress
of metaphors and forgotten existences.
We are the kids who are unexpressing ourselves
in shades of melodrama, we are the kids who want to be undefined,
we want to be everything when we are nothing at all
except for depressed teenagers playing with words
inside on Friday afternoons when we should have been outside
learning how to live.
We are the boys and girls at the end of the road,
kicking cans and holding hands,
we are the kids who are empty,
Who never had it at all. |
_________________ "If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson |
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Snoink
Snuggly Writer of Legend

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 8882 Reviews: 2176 Country: USA 358 Points
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Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 5:39 am Post subject: |
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| You're right. Angsty poetry does get annoying after the zillionth suicide poem. |
_________________ "So, Obama calls McCain erratic. Well, I call Obama a squirrel." -- Rush Limbaugh
Video Critiques by Yours Truly.  |
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Incandescence
If you've nothing nice to say, come sit with me. Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 22 Nov 2004 Posts: 3046 Reviews: 903 Country: USA 318 Points
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Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 5:47 am Post subject: |
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| My point is proven. |
_________________ "If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson |
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Misty
Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 17 Jan 2005 Posts: 814 Reviews: 493 Country: United States 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 12:45 am Post subject: .... |
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Lol ur both funny.
I liked the poem. I thought it was deep. And funny, in a sort of sarcastic way. Nice repitition. |
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Elizabeth
Epic Novelist
 Gender:  Age: 29 Joined: 07 Dec 2004 Posts: 3024 Reviews: 1160
300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 12:55 am Post subject: |
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| Yay, another angsty poem from the egotistic man... ... what Misty Lynn said, that pretty much is what my mind is thinking. |
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Misty
Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 17 Jan 2005 Posts: 814 Reviews: 493 Country: United States 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 1:45 am Post subject: . |
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| he is, isn't he |
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Soyala Amaya
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 13 Dec 2004 Posts: 127 Reviews: 78 Country: KC Missouri 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:09 am Post subject: |
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| I feel so...defined. And like I should shoot myself because my life is shit. Good job! Only thing I got to say is, instead of bolding that last line, put it by itself. I think it will give it more oomph. |
_________________ I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on E-bay. |
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Chevy
science, again. Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 21 Nov 2004 Posts: 1621 Reviews: 663 Country: b'ham, england 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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| I liked the bold at the end I liked the angstiness (if that's even a word)...I liked everything. I don't think I've ever been able to relate to something that you wrote so well. I wrote an entry in my diary like this. It was very poetic--I might post it here someday. Anyway, Brad...it was great and I loved it from beginning to end. |
_________________ when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up. |
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marching_gurl89
your unoffical liberal talking history book Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 31 Dec 2004 Posts: 1067 Reviews: 38 Country: i think i'm supposed to be somewhere.well if i cant remember it can't be that important 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah I really liked the poem. Incandescence you are an amazing poet |
_________________ ~*~Peace, Love, and Protesters~*~
I'm not off beat!I'm marching to the beat of my own drum
I rock my socks
Hippielicious the bold new flavor from caroline
JFK BLOWN AWAY WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SAY!!!!!!! |
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Firestarter
not actually a site admin Site Admin

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 6390 Reviews: 1007 Country: Albion 174 Points
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 8:00 pm Post subject: |
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Pah. Great stuff.
You get the honour of being the first poem I'm printing off to go in my room. |
_________________ Burns: Quit cogitating. Use an open-faced club. The sand wedge!
Homer: Mmm... open-faced club sandwich.
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Duskglimmer
is happy in anywhere but there Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 22 Dec 2004 Posts: 3157 Reviews: 437 Country: I wish I knew... 300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 8:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Okay... I reread this thing like a dozen times trying to find SOMETHING I didn't like about this. But I couldn't. This is so true and so awesome. You really did a fantastic job. |
_________________ The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching. |
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