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Paper Faces On Parade
Paper Faces On Parade

by Lilyy03 in Fanfiction
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This thread was created on August 3, 2008
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Kate Has 8 Lives.
Kate Has 8 Lives. Chapter 2.
Kate Has 8 Lives :3rd Chapter
Kate Has 8 Lives :Chapter 4

Kate Has 8 Lives :Chapter 5

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Curlyqpride   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:22 am    Post subject: Kate Has 8 Lives :Chapter 5 Reply with quote

Chapter 5: Prayers to Jack and Ginger.

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Kates eyes flew open, and was overcome by what was once a white background had turned into the dimmer lights of a hospital room. She got up in caution and watched as all the doctors stood there in ‘awe’ and her mother absolutely burst into tears of happiness as she wrapped her arms around Kate. Amato looked as if he saw a leprechaun with a pot of gold. Just shocked.

When everything was cleared out and doctors were just trying to clear there head about the absolute miracle that just happened Kate was checked up as to there amazement she was completely fine. Her hips were completely healed as well, and all the doctors could do was let her go.

Kate’s mom hugged Kate as she felt the wetness of her moms tears dampen her shoulder. Kate awkwardly patted her moms back. She wasn’t a very emotional person, and seeing her mom cry didn’t really get her, considering the fact of all that had just happened.

When they got to the parking lot, she heard Amato run over. Her mom started to open up the car.

“Hey mom, give me few! I need to talk to Amato!” Kate called out.

Her mom nodded her head approvingly as she searched for something inside the front of there white mini-van.

Kate turned around to face Amato and was overcome and shocked be him giving her a huge bear hug out of no where.

“Thank god your alive, I don’t know what would of happened. I’m so happy.” He faintly said in her ear. Kate felt her ear canals steam up.

She immediately felt her body melt as she tried to be friendly and put her hands on his back as he hugged her, and she felt utterly ridiculous. Her best friend was giving her a hug and she was warm and slightly uncomfortable? Not a normal thing. Amato let go.

“So…” He began with a unusual tone in his voice, “You must got a really good guardian angel to make you wake out of that!”

Kate rolled her eyes.

“Doubt it” she replied thinking of ‘Jittery Jack’ himself.

“Well I’m just glad you are fine. Did you see your life flash before your eyes or some crazy stuff like that?”

“Nope. Just black.” She lied hoping the conversation wouldn’t go further. The last thing she wanted was Amato thinking she was a nut job.

“Sorry ‘bout good ‘ol Ginger. I’m sure the cats in a better place.” He added trying to be comforting.

Kate thought about Ginger in Jacks office and wished Amato was right.

“So yea, I should be heading home now.”, she began departing from Amato.

“Me too. See you around, and lay off air-heads for awhile.” He laughed.

Kate turned around and flashed him a smile that he knew would say “Ha ha, very funny”, and then got to her car door and jumped inside.

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“Home at last!”, Kate breathed in the air freshener that tried to disguise her moms home cooking.

Beeping suddenly burst out the smoke alarm and Kates mom rushed to the kitchen in panic trying to fan the smoky air with a oven mitt.

Kate laughed. She definitely now felt the atmosphere of her small apartment, and she was no longer home sick once she practically bounced on the couch and switched the television on with a remote.

After watching overly-paid and horribly bad reality shows, she skipped over to the kitchen.

“What’s cooking good looking?” She joked.

Her mom laughed.

“I’m so glad your still here. Oh, and frozen pizza by the way.”

Kate suddenly felt a little frustration.

“Mom, lets get past it. I’m alive, we should just leave it at that.”

Her mom sighed, “I know, but I’m a mom, what do expect?”. Kate had just walked away not wanting an argument.

She rushed to the living to see if her favorite shows were on. She sat on the couch and reached up to the arm of the couch to pet Ginger. That’s when grief suddenly bit her again.

Ginger…She wasn’t there anymore, and she never would be. The cat that had always comforted Kate on a bad day, and the cat that Kate was always willing to take care of because she loved to see her happy. That was gone completely and forever.

Just one meow. That’s all she wanted. Just one.

The smoke alarm went off. Kate immediately rushed to her room in what was going to be tears.

She looked over photos and kitten pictures and tried to get over it, but it was just like losing a friend and not a feline whatsoever.

‘But Ginger also saved my life. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be back home’ She thought.

After so many picture and trying to lose the grief over passed away pet, night fell in the sky. It was at least ten’ clock, and it would be Sunday tomorrow.

Kate knew she had to go to bed and try to rest from such a odd and emotional day.

When she was prepared, she flew under her covers and knew there was one thing to do before the comforting moon-light from her window made her fall asleep.

She put her hands together and looked up to the ceiling.

“Jack, if you get this message, hear me out. Take really good care of Ginger. I also wanted to thank you for what you did for me. Saving a persons own life is extremely valuable…Obviously, and yea, thanks.”

She then had her hands separate and felt very strange to actually be pray. She didn’t want to seem as if she was talking to herself, and she hoped her mother heard nothing.

She fell asleep.


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Clo   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Curley!!! *glomp*

Quote:
Kates eyes flew open, and was overcome by what was once a white background had turned into the dimmer lights of a hospital room.

"and she was overcome"

Quote:
When everything was cleared out and doctors were just trying to clear there head about the absolute miracle that just happened Kate was checked up as to there amazement she was completely fine

"there" = "their". Their is the possesive one. There is like - look over there!!!
"that just happened, Kate was checked up". I also don't understand what you mean by that last line,

Quote:
Kate’s mom hugged Kate as she felt the wetness of her moms tears dampen her shoulder. Kate awkwardly patted her moms back

Kate's mom hugged her. You should say her because you already say Kate three times in this small paragraph - it's best to not continually repeat a name.
"mom's back". You need the apostrophe in there to show possession.

Quote:
and shocked be him giving her a huge bear hug out

Typo. *points*

Quote:
“Thank god your alive, I don’t know what would of happened. I’m so happy.” He faintly said in her ear.

"Thank god you're alive". You're is a contraction of "you are". See?
"I'm so happy," he said faintly in her ear". This is the exact punctuation you need for this sentence. tags at the end of the dialogue are NOT capitalized, so don't capitalize "he". And the adverb should be AFTER the verb.

Quote:
Doubt it” she replied thinking of ‘Jittery Jack’ himself.

"Doubt it,"
hehe.... Jack.

Quote:
“Nope. Just black.” She lied hoping the conversation wouldn’t go further.

"Just black," she lied. No capitalizing.

Quote:
“Home at last!”, Kate breathed in the air freshener that tried to disguise her moms home cooking

You're still doing that comma in between dialogue and tag thing. You need to stop that! And "mom's home". Possessive apostrophe.

Quote:
and she was no longer home sick once she practically bounced on the couch and switched the television on with a remote

Don't need that word.

Quote:
‘But Ginger also saved my life. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be back home’ She thought.

"she thought". Promise me not to capitalize those any more! Smile

Quote:
felt very strange to actually be pray.

praying

Grammar is sooooo boring. But necessary. So I point these things out for you.

I see you're getting a little romance going here, with Amato and Kate. Ooh la la! You started off slow with that, which is good. I can't wait to see where that goes. ^_~

I like how she misses Jack too (well not MISS. But she is thinking about him). It's just adorable for her to be thinking of her guardian angel.

Be mindful of your comma and capitalizations with dialogue!!

Can't wait for the next part!

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 7:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you oh-so fab Clo! I will get on those mistakes pronto!

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:48 pm    Post subject: Great! Reply with quote

Hey, this is really great and you are an awesome writer.

I've been reading all the chapters up to this one.

It's centred round really great protagonists and I love the way you've portrayed them.

I also like the new element of romance.

Some grammar mistakes but only minor things like that.

Do us all a favour and keep writing.

Sarah
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 3:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Currrrly!

Oh, goodness, I love Kate. XD The allusions to Jack were neat, too, because I've kind of missed him. I can't wait to see what Kate's gong to do with all this extra time, the goony bird. (And Amato + Kate? Cute!)

The one thing that I know absolutely nothing about in this chapter is Kate's time in the hospital after she "died"--or did she literally die? Was she just in a really deep coma? If someone's in critical condition like that, and wakes up, the hospital staff would probably keep her overnight to make sure she doesn't slip back under. Also, in the case of the Disappearing Wounds, they would investigate a lot to figure out what they did "right", in order to help out further patients with deep lacerations like that.

It's important to figure out whether or not she was technically dead, because the emotions of the characters will change. A really sick person snapping out of it is more like winning a long and exhausting battle, but someone "coming back to life" is kind of a deliriously jubilant feeling. With either/or, depending on the personality of the mom, the mom would probably be a little more clinging and annoying just because she was worried about her daughter. And depending on how Kate's psychology changes after the accident and the whole situation with Jack, their whole dynamic together could change, as well. You've just got to play with the cause and effect stuff--if you need my opinion, you know where to find me. ^_~

Yay! Another great chapter. I eagerly await the next, of course.

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