Topic ID: 33921
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Lindsaroo
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 Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 10:55 pm Post subject: Hey Baby |
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Hey Baby, how are you?
Do you feel lost in life too?
My heart is ready to break,
With the empty pain of you not being here.
I suffer through these terrible aches,
Because I know you're gone with every tear.
I don't know what you would call it.
It's not like we had a choice.
But I wish things could have turned out different,
And I could still hear your soothing voice.
So this is it then?
This is the final goodbye.
I'll never be yours again.
But yet, you'll never be mine.
-Lindsay
Hope you guys like...or rip it into pieces. I know it's short but eh |
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Xena
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| Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:58 am Post subject: |
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| eh, wasnt really feeling this, the beginning anyway, didnt flow to well in my mind, but the end was prettty good and depressing, can relate-- so this is it? ok then, goodbye then, (fuggin bich)-- how it usually goes |
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laughingfreakx3
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 3:51 am Post subject: |
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Its was good Linds!
Its was definitely shorter that your usual but that's OK!
I think you could add more to it and it could be really good!
Maybe you could also express your feeling in the poem more.
I am sorry for your loss too.
I but it could be a great poem. |
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October Girl
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 4:05 am Post subject: |
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I L.O.V.E this poem!!!! lol but anyways I like this oem because you weren't too wordy but it still caught on :]] it was romantic and depressing at the same time get it? It was great linds I miss you!
-Max |
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Evolmega
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| Posted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 1:28 am Post subject: |
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Well ~
like the others have said,
More emotion on how you felt, rather then the situation,
would of gave a pond inwhich the reader could try to grab up what your feeling,
But i did like it, overall, the beggining and ending really caught my eye, and it was good ^^
~ |
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Evolmega
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| Posted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 1:31 am Post subject: |
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Eh ^^ sorry allow me to correct myself,
By 'Beggining' I meant after the first 2 lines,
I didnt really think that was a good way to start a poem.
~ |
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