Topic ID: 3392
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| What should this poem be called? |
| Cash |
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50% |
[ 2 ] |
| Died for Peace |
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25% |
[ 1 ] |
| Suicidals and Veterans |
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25% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 4 |
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| Author |
Message |
Chevy
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 Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:43 am Post subject: Cash |
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NOTE: This poem is sort of just about those who comitted suicide and veterans. But I can't decide on a title.
I asked God to start the world over
just for your sake
If he would make a dam of Niagra Falls
Refill the Grand Canyon.
You can put the shot gun
back under the mattress
Take the knife to the pawn shop
Buy a Bible with the cash.
I asked God to start the war over
for your sake
Maybe the Holocaust will just be a scary story
Pearl Harbor a video game.
Put your uniform back in the closet
Take your badge to the museum
Buy Freedom with the cash.
I asked God to stop for lunch
just East of Ponce, down in Decatur,
he gave Yesterday a key
who'd been shackled for centuries
he comforted Reality
who refuses to accept herself.
Hour reached his end
sitting at that bistro
we all smiled and walked away
leaving God behind
to reward everyone
who died for peace.
You were at that bistro
as God handed out the cash
you bought a new world
in exchange for your life. |
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Last edited by Chevy on Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:49 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Shadow Knight
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| Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:45 am Post subject: |
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| Interesting. Very interesting. |
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Vernon
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| Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 1:25 pm Post subject: |
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cool  |
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Rei
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| Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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| It's an okay concept, but I don't think it really hit me the way it was supposed to. I read a lot of this kind of story, and the emotions and ideas they have just weren't here. WW2 was a mess. The Holocaust was hell, and WW1 was essentially a bloody massacre. In reading this, I didn't get the feeling that you really understood that on more than a very intellectual level. |
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hekategirl
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| Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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| I really like this, but as Reichieru said it didn't quite do what it was sopposed to do for me, but I think the imagry was great. And I like the name Cash better then the other names, i'm not saying it should be the title just that this is the best of the three. |
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Chevy
science, again.
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| Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:15 pm Post subject: |
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I can never make my poems complete. There's always the concept...always the idea but it never comes together in the end. You walk away feeling like it was incomplete. Perhaps I should just stick with song writing.
And oh, could someone else please vote on the poll? |
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