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Do you feel what the Gryphon sees?
Do you feel what the Gryphon sees?

by Cobweb in Fantasy Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction

This thread was created on July 30, 2008
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Papier-mache and Purple
Topic ID: 33772
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alleycat13   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 1:39 am    Post subject: Papier-mache and Purple Reply with quote

This is for Some Kind of Character: Cal’s Character Contest. It involves the words Papier-mâché (52) and Purple(27), and pictures 14 and 17. Tell me what you think.

Papier-mâché and Purple

There was a row of trailers on each side of the grassy lane, the same lane that led from her home to Emily’s. A trailer park. The word was white trash, uneducated, and redneck. But to a nine year old, a trailer park isn’t so bad when there’s a birthday/costume party with ice cream and a piñata.

So Mandy was dancing down the lane—a young white girl with cornflower eyes, blonde hair, and a pair of flopping mesh wings on her back. They were wings left over from her mediocre Halloween costume, but it didn’t matter. She was a butterfly, gentle and innocent, fluttering to her best friend’s party.

Mandy’s favorite color was purple. And when she arrived at the celebration and saw that Emily’s piñata was purple, she felt like something blessed. That soft, light purple was a gift from above. What it really was, what she now knew ten years later, was that it was a papier-mâché balloon covered in cheap wrapping paper and full of two cent candy. To her as a teenager, it was a symbol of her poverty and of how oblivious she had been to it. But papier-mâché and purple is delightful to nine year olds.

And Mandy had been the one to break the newspaper shell and spill the bulk candy onto the kids and trailer park grass. The candy had fallen like rain—just like the drizzle she had endured while her parents had fought in the living room, silhouettes against the mini-blinds. And the candy had fallen like autumn leaves that ushered in high school and all its taunts at her dirty jeans and ripped jacket. And the candy of her memory had fallen like the tears now running down her face.

Here she was, thousands of miles from Missouri and the trailer park, in the middle of Arizona, crying over what she was discarding. The desert road swallowed up half her tears, while the other half hit the red paint of her beau’s convertible and rolled down its side.

“Ready to go?” the boy said as he turned from his moment of relief and zipped up his pants. Twenty one, cute, and had a car. He was her future, her escape.

She quickly wiped away her tears and nodded. Was she ready to leave her miserable childhood behind? Was she willing to forsake the trailer park and its false claim as her home? Yes. She already had.

Mandy took the sunglasses off her forehead and put them on, shielding herself from the world. She draped herself over the car’s side, head on crossed arms as the it started, and stared at the horizon. It was purple. A soft, light purple.

Dust flew up around the car, and Mandy sat up straight. The horizon was everywhere in this treeless land. She couldn’t escape it and its purple. She was lying to herself, knowing nothing would ever change, driving into a world covered with purple.


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Hobbes : What mood is that?
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Sam   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, alleycat!

I absolutely adored this piece. It's simple, but beautiful--just like the butterfly costume you were describing. The character is really well rounded, and you fit a lot of history and emotion in a small space. Overall, it was nostalgic, but not cloying. It had a bitterness to it that most memory sequences don't have, and that was really refreshing to see.

The only thing that I really have to say about this, was that the ending felt a little rushed. You take your time in the beginning, making sure to explain the correlation between her memories and what happened to them over time. Towards the end, though, it's kind of like, "Oops! She's in Arizona now!"

We don't quite know what she's getting rid of, other than she's sleeping with some guy in a car. The symbolism is kind of confusing, though, because it's a stretch--loss of virginity = loss of innocence = regret of childishness? It's a long association, and one that needs to be expanded and made a little more concrete. This way, all the cool symbolism and connections you've got running through the piece will be resolved and it will make everyone just a little happier.

Overall, this was a really good piece. Let me know if you have any questions or have something else you'd like me to take a look at. ^_^

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