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by Lynne in Dramatic Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Dramatic Poetry

This thread was created on July 30, 2008
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Life's a Blur

Topic ID: 33769
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Amaryllis   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

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Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 28 Jul 2008
Posts: 29
Reviews: 8
Country: Somewhere where there are lots of frogs
300 Points

PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 11:47 pm    Post subject: Life's a Blur Reply with quote

Time runs ever faster past the eyes

Of those who do not grace its presence here

So obsessed with money, greed and lies

That when time runs out they begin to fear

It is now that they see all that they have missed

All that petty obsessions have dimmed

Somehow clouded in an opaque mist

Until the gap between life and death had slimmed

Have they forgotten how to live with love?

(Save for green paper that they covet so)

Hawks of war forget the docile dove

Until their repercussions start to show

There is absolutely no day but today

Of the sun a fleeting golden ray.

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kris   View This User's Portfolio
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Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 19
Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Posts: 225
Reviews: 103
Country: UK
300 Points

PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:11 am    Post subject: Re: Life's a Blur Reply with quote

Well might i just say- yum? This poem has some delicious imagery.
I adored you're use of rhyming structure A B A B- ok it wasn't 100% on the mark, all of the time but hey!

Quote:
Somehow clouded in an opaque mist

I'd have said "by" instead of "in" but hey! we have different writing styles Razz - apart from me being a smartar*e I loved this line so much. GOWJUS

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Amaryllis   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

8
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 28 Jul 2008
Posts: 29
Reviews: 8
Country: Somewhere where there are lots of frogs
300 Points

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for reading it! I'm glad you liked it!

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This thread was created on July 30, 2008

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