Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Young Writers Society
News:  

Must Read: No Chat-Speak

Happy Thanksgiving!
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
Save the rainforest!
Save the rainforest!

by lukas8u in Dramatic Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction

This thread was created on July 24, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us

Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
All Babies Are Blessings (1)
All Babies Are Blessings (2.5)
All Babies Are Blessings (3)
All Babies Are Blessings (4)
All Babies Are Blessings (5)
All Babies Are Blessings (6)
All Babies Are Blessings (7)
All Babies Are Blessings (8)
All Babies Are Blessings (9)

All Babies Are Blessings (2)

Topic ID: 33516
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
dommy65   View This User's Portfolio
Senior Writer

58
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 18 May 2008
Posts: 138
Reviews: 58
Country: USA
324 Points

PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:45 pm    Post subject: All Babies Are Blessings (2) Reply with quote

okay so this is the second part thing to the story... it's a dream so that's why its all in italics but I hope you all enjoy!

Thanks for the reviews again!

~Dommy

It was Mike O'Connell's party. He was the senior quarterback; if you were invited to one of his parties you were definitely cool. The whole senior class was there as well as a majority of the junior class, including my friends and I. We'd heard that the juniors from the football team were going to be there, so we made sure we looked the cutest we ever had. I convinced myself that my cousin wouldn't be there, he only hung out with one person on the football team, and they weren't that close.

When we showed up, Mike's house was filled with people. The D.J was playing the music so loud, the bass was making the floor shake, and everyone was dancing. The place reeked of beer and pot. There was a thick layer of smoke in the room, making a hazy glow around the strobe lights. All the seniors were either drunk or high; most of them were playing beer games or dancing on the tops of tables. My friends were ecstatic, saying that this was the ‘party of the year’, even though t was only the start of the football season.

Within seconds of walking through the door, my friends and I had a beer bottle in our hands and were dancing with some of juniors on the football team. It only took me three songs to finish my beer, I drank heavily at parties, and it was the only way I would dance, so I went to get another. One of my friends offered to come with me, but I could see she was really into her partner, so I told her to stay.

I wiggled my way through the crowd of dancing people, only stopping for a few seconds to say hello to some people I knew. I walked by girls passed out, drunk, people smoking and people making out, to the cooler at the back of the house. I was crouching down carefully by the cooler, making sure my skirt didn't go up too far, to open the lid, when I heard someone call my name.

"Isabelle?" My back suddenly became pin straight and I dropped the lid of the cooler on my finger, breaking my acrylic nail.

I immediately jumped up in pain, shaking my hand, as if that would make the pain go away. I froze as two big fat hands clasped mine.

It was dark, in the little corner of the room, so I couldn't make out the features of the man's face, but the voice gave him away.

"Hello, Carl," I said, trying to pry my hands out of his grip. One of the strobe light shinned on his face, turning it green. He was about four inches taller than me, with extra skin clinging to every bone in his body. He was an obese child, and when he grew taller his lost a couple pounds and the weight became evenly distributed. His wide grin was covered with braces and his face was splattered in acne. The familiar face that would haunt my dreams; the face of my cousin. I tried my hardest, but I couldn't get my hands out of his.

"Please let go of me, Carl," I said as quietly as I could, with the loud music. He laughed and held my hands tighter.

"What are you doing here all by yourself?" he asked.

"You just interrupted me while I was trying to get another drink," I hinted.

"Oh," he bent down, without releasing my hands, and grabbed a beer from the cooler. I swear I saw him peek up my skirt. "Here you go."

"I can't really hold that without my hands, Carl," I snapped. He laughed and dropped my hands. I tried quickly to grab the beer and run away, but he pulled his hand around my waist, so I couldn't go away.

"Come on, Isabelle, we haven't talked in a while."

"Well I actually have someone waiting for me on the dance floor," I said, trying to squirm out of his grip. His fingers pressed harder in my stomach, I winced in pain.

"You're not hurting this nice girl, are you, Carl?" a new voice asked. I looked up and saw Kyle, Carl's friend on the football team. Kyle was even taller than Carl, with a stylish brown crew cut and a muscular body, he towered over Carl, trying to be intimidating. He was wearing khaki pants and a green and black striped rugby shirt.

"Uh, no, Kyle," he said, dropping his hand from my waist. The intimidation worked.

"Good. Isabelle, would you like to dance with me?" Kyle asked. Kyle was probably the only one who suspected Carl liked me in a way cousins shouldn't like each other. He had never spoken directly to Carl about it, but he would give him looks whenever Carl did anything weird. He held out his tanned hand to me, and I dropped my free one in his. I took a swig of beer then followed him to the dance floor with a cautious glance at Carl. His expression was angry.

So this is the first half of the dream.. it was way to long to post in one message. I'll post the rest of it later.

Thanks again!!

~Dommy Very Happy


_________________
I said your eyes, they say nothing
So you can't stop me
On summer days like these
I said words they mean nothing
So you can't hurt me


Last edited by dommy65 on Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Jay   View This User's Portfolio
Writer

43
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 07 Jul 2008
Posts: 97
Reviews: 43

300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I read the second part of the dream before I read this first part so I was pretty shocked to realize that Carl was Isabelle's cousin! Personally, I think it's a little long for a dream, but to each their own. You did a good job of building up the suspense-it started small and innocuous, then slowly built up-and showing Isabelle's fear. Good job-I hope to see more of this.

_________________
Visit me at www.cutecritic.blog.co.nz
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Angel of Death   View This User's Portfolio
Nano '08 Winner
Speaker of the Forum

409
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 14
Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 872
Reviews: 409
Country: Where the big star in the sky doesn't leave
1533 Points

PostPosted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello again!

This was a very weird dream and it really kinda built up Carl's feelings and how he treats Isabelle. I like the way you write. You have this Sarah Dessen quality but you're very original. Keep this up, and if you edit and publish this, I might by it. Wink

There were a few grammatical errors here and there and with a quick read through, you can find them, though if you want me to point them out, just ask, right now I'm really just focusing on the content.

On to the next part!

~Angel

_________________
"Like the apple that passed through both the lips of Adam and Eve, you are forbidden. So if I were to pick you from a garden that has been coveted by another man, then I shall have hell to pay for my sins,"-Me
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on July 24, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on July 24, 2008

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Oh, Marge, cartoons don't have any deep meaning. They're just stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh. - Homer Simpson
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society