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by andrew.j.m in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyric Poetry

This thread was created on July 19, 2008
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A Promise
Topic ID: 33284
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Lil_Pau   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 3:34 am    Post subject: A Promise Reply with quote

A Promise



Our golden days seem to fade away,

but those good memories 

are still etched on your face. 

Everyday, an obstacle burdens us,

but again, you manage to smile. 



Everytime when the dawn rises,

something dark is always waiting ahead. 

Somehow, we always surpass it...



Because you are right here by my side,

bound with a vow to protect happiness. 

Even if sadness cuts like a knife,

with you, I seem to be invincible. 

And we'll stand, together,

racing towards light. 



It's a promise between you and I,

so let's be the best, until the end of time.

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Writing for love is a pas   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AWWWW! That is so sweet. I like how it tells of overcoming everything in your path. Inspirational...

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SweetOctober   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was a really heartwarming poem.




It actually sounds like something I would write.





And I could relate to that poem completely. Simply a work of pure genius and from the heart.





Please continue writing adorable poems like these.





I didn't really see any grammar mistakes, no sudden jumps from stanza to stanza or anything...





Keep writing. Hope to hear more from you soon.







-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



"If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain." --- Emily Dickenson
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Shallowdepth   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>< That totally sounds like me an my best friend. I really want to show her that now lol. This is a very wonderful piece, I liked it a lot.

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cassie17   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really liked this poem! It seemed so real.

I just have a few suggestions:

"Everytime when the dawn rises,
something dark is always waiting ahead.
Somehow, we always surpass it... "

Comma after "Everytime"
The ellipses seems kind of ill-fitting. A period would be better, in my opinion.

Okay! So, obviousy, this poem was very good, as my only suggestions happened to be grammar! I liked the words you used, they were very pungent and got to the heart of the matter without playing around. Very well written!!

Thanks for the read!

--Cassie

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This thread was created on July 19, 2008
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This thread was created on July 19, 2008

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