This is a short story for Writer's Craft. ^_^ I finally wrote something with a vampire that I actually like.

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Melissa stood quietly by the door, out of the sight of aunt Stacey and uncle Mark.

“Dear-”

“I’m just saying I don’t think we can afford to have another child. That’s all,”

“It’s not like we’re having another baby, Mark! This is my niece we’re talking about! She’s almost 18!”

“And the daughter of a half-sister you barely even knew!”

“What do you want me to do, tell her she can’t stay here? She just lost both her parents!”

Melissa’s face twisted as she doubled over. She stifled a pained gasp as invisible fingers tried to crush her heart. She turned away from the kitchen, where her new guardians were talking, and headed for the front door.

“All I’m saying, is that I don’t know if we can support a third child with our current budget.”

“She has nowhere else to go.”

Melissa opened the door and stepped outside, just catching her uncle’s tired words:

“I know. We’ll figure something out.”

Stacey and Mark’s large property was divided in half by a long gravel driveway. On one side stood the house, shed and vegetable garden; on the other, a large field of tall, yellow grass, which ran the full length of the driveway, was contained by a shoulder-high fence and hemmed by blackberry bushes. It was to this field that Melissa fled, desperate to escape the loneliness that gnawed on her soul with razor teeth. She grabbed the white bucket hanging on the fence and she pushed it open.

The unfamiliar blackberry bushes loomed up like a wall of thorns, their density created deep shadows within them. Seeing a patch of large black berries clinging to one of the many brambles, she went over and started picking. The summer sun beat down mercilessly on her, causing her to feel lightheaded. Serious thought became difficult, and she willingly gave herself to the pain free oblivion the sweltering sun offered. Time seemed to break apart as she lost herself in the repetitive task.

It was much later, when she had finally come to her senses and moved to the back of the field that hid in the shadow of the tall trees in the lot behind Stacey and Mark’s property, that a long thorn scratched the back of her hand as she reached for a large berry farther back in the tangle of brambles. In that instant, something cold brushed against her leg, triggering a startled jump that allowed her hand to fall further victim to the vicious thorns. Hissing, she withdrew her arm, as her eyes searched the ground frantically for the thing that had touched her. She expected a snake, but instead saw a pale white hand under the bushes. A buzzing entered her ears as her heart accelerated.

She could see red blisters covered the hand in many places. Her ears were ringing now. She wanted to call for help, but the fear building up inside her was not enough o dislodge the clog loss had placed there. Her ears were ringing now, and she was beginning t hyperventilate. Tears began welling in her eyes. She didn’t want to see another dead body. She stepped back and suddenly the corpse-white hand whipped out and grabbed her ankle and she froze in the motion of turning to run. Was this person alive? In that moment she became aware of the eerie silence in the field; No birds sang and no animals stirred. Alarmed, she tried to pull free and found the icy fingers had a vice-like grip.

“L-Let go!” she begged weakly, tugging again desperately.

The grip tightened. Hysteric gasps were making her feel dizzy and tears blurred her vision. She gathered her strength and propelled herself backwards, bur rather than free the captured limb, she managed to drag the body out from under the brambles.

The hand belonged to a young man with shoulder length blond hair and bright red eyes. He wore a dress shirt and pants, but these had been shredded, leaving his clothing falling to bits and his body covered in deep gashes.

Melissa couldn’t see him breathing and he was as still as a statue but his eyes were looking right at her. They seemed to sparkle like rubies and, suddenly mesmerized into forgetting her fear, she lean forward to see them better. Her hand reached out to brush aside the locks that covered his face, and suddenly he twisted, grabbing her wrist. She jumped in surprise, but found herself unable to break eye contact.

Very slowly, he used her as an anchor to pull himself into a sitting position. His eyes left hers then and refocused on her captured right hand where small drops of blood swelled from the thorn scratches. A hungry look entered his eyes and he bit her suddenly, startling cry from her lips.

Shock mixed with utter fascination held her as he began to lick the blood as it leaked from the punctured wounds. Though her hand throbbed from the pain of the bite, his glacial touched eased it in the same instant. The mixture of hot pain brought painful memories of the loss of her parents to the surface, yet the cool numbness and the rhythmic caress of his dry tongue soothed her, making her forget about the emotional pain that had tormented her for so long.

Blood. Fangs. Red eyes.

“You’re a vampire,” she whispered, her heart beginning to stir uneasily. The vampire paused, looking up. She had thought to run, but his gaze made her forget her fear once again. She sat down meekly as he continued his ‘meal’.

It seemed to Melissa that they stayed that way for an eternity before a burning heat on her back betrayed the sun’s silent approach. She looked up and realized it was rising higher in the sky and would very soon clear the trees behind the field.

“Um,” she began. His head snapped up and he saw the approaching light. She saw his eyes travel to her neck, and then they turned to her face.

“You could hide in the shed,” she volunteered, somehow compelled to help him. “It’s just across the driveway. I could bring you a blanket...”

The vampire pulled her forward effortlessly until they were face to face. Melissa could feel her racing wildly as he caught her eyes and held them, seeming to search her very soul. Then, as suddenly as he had caught her, he released her. Dazedly, she got to her feet and quickly walked out of the field, then ran into the house. As quietly as she could she snuck into the house and snuck a thick comforter from the hallways closet. When she arrived back in the field, the vampire had backed away from the approaching line of sun. He watched her warily as she approached.

“Put this over your head,” she told him. Her heart danced with excitement. She knew it was insane, but she was thrilled. The vampire took the comforter, and wrapped it around himself. Somehow smiling, Melissa ran back out of the field and to the shed, pulling open the door and checking inside to make sure no sunlight leaked in. Just as she turned to go back and tell him it was all right, he suddenly appeared and swept past her.

The vampire turned, dropping the comforter, and extended his arm to her. She wasn’t sure what he meant by the gesture, but it seemed like an invitation. She hesitated, torn between wanting to take his hand, and run away. Fear of the unknown won out.

“I’ll…um…come back later. Okay?”

She shut the door and walked away. Her aunt Stacey hugged her when she came into the house and then worried over the horrible ‘thorns’ that had assaulted her hand. That night was the first time she felt truly welcomed in her aunt’s home, yet somehow she felt even farther apart from her relatives than ever before. Hours later, near midnight, she had changed out of her pajamas and into her favorite shirt and jeans—the ones her parents had bought her on their last trip together. As soon as she’d finished changing, she knew she wasn’t coming back. She left a short note of thanks on the dresser before leaving through the back door, wondering if her uncle would be relieved she was gone.

But when she pulled open the shed door a sense of crushing disappointment hit her all at once; the comforter was still lying on the ground, but the vampire was gone. Whatever she had hoped to find there was gone. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling bitter tears welling in the corner of her eyes. As she shut the shed door a cold hand touched hers. She spun; hear heart leaping. The vampire stood behind her, already healed. He held out his hand once again.

A shy smile crept unto her lips and she took his hand, allowing him to pull her into his icy hold. She felt his icy lips kiss her neck, and gasped quietly at the sharp pain that followed. She smiled serenely as darkness began to wrap itself around her and numbness seep into her skin. A sigh slipped her lips and she learned eagerly into the kiss of death.

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Feedback question(s)

1) Do you think I did an okay job on characterization? Suggestions on what I could add to make Melissa less vague and flat?

2) Was this an okay short story? If there was more, would you read it?

Thanks for reading everyone!