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Your Lips On Mine
Your Lips On Mine

by emma.b in Dramatic Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on July 14, 2008
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Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
The Storybook Chapter One
The Storybook- Chapter Two
The Storybook- Chapter Three
The Storybook- Chapter Four
The Storybook- Chapter Six

The Storybook- Chapter Five

Topic ID: 33065
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Ailam Remard   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 9:09 pm    Post subject: The Storybook- Chapter Five Reply with quote

This chapter was, well, not a good one? I wasn't sure what to do, I just wanted to explain the characters more and her fears of being away from home, and how she had no idea what to do. So yeah.

Chapter Five

She woke up to the smell of fire.

“What did Jeff do this time, mom?” she asked out loud, her eyes still closed.

“Jeff?” Thomas asked. She opened her eyes and groaned. She was still in the book.

“He’s my older brother. Never mind,” she said, sitting up. Thomas was hovering over a tiny fire, holding a dead, gutted rabbit in front of him.

“Ugh! What is that?” she asked, mortified.

“Lunch,” he replied, tying it to a stick and holding it above the flames. “You must be starving, since you didn’t eat last night.”

Nicole’s stomach rumbled. “Yeah, I am.”

“Hopefully it will be done soon,” he said.

“How’d you make that fire?” she asked, scooting over to sit by it. It warmed her cold, stiff body. She realized her back hurt from sleeping on the ground.

“Sticks and leaves from these bushes,” he answered.

“Dang, you’re smart,” she said.

“Where do you get all these weird sayings?” he asked.

“Me and my friends, well actually just Jackie, I don’t have any friends besides her. Anyway, Jack and I use them all the time,” she told him.

“Does she dress funny also?” he asked.

“Yes,” she sighed. “She dresses funny also.”

“Actually, I like your shoes very much,” he said.

Nicole laughed. “Thirty-five bucks at Hot Topic,” she said.

“What?” he asked, same confused look on his face.

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” she muttered.

He was staring at her, the rabbit still dangling from the stick, and smiling.

‘What?” she asked.

He laughed. “You just remind me of someone,” he said.

“Who?” she demanded.

“A girl I grew up with, you could call us childhood sweethearts,” he said, smiling fondly. “She had your eyes.”

Nicole tucked a piece of stray hair out of her face and blushed.

“Don’t take it the wrong way, you’re very pretty, but we’ve just met,” he said, touching her arm. “I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“Thank you,” she said, smiling.

When the rabbit was cooked, Nicole’s stomach could not withstand being empty any longer. She watched Thomas break off a piece of its leg and plop it in his mouth. She followed him.

“Mmm! This isn’t actually that bad!” she said.

“Told you,” he said.

She ate another piece. “So what are we going to do after this, Tommy Boy?” she asked him.

“Head back that way, and go to my mother’s,” he said.

“How far?” she asked.

“Two weeks,” he answered.

“No, no, no,” she said, shaking her head. “I can’t do that. I have to get back to that tree and find my way home.”

“I think they knocked you pretty hard,” he said. “Let me have a look at that.’

“No, I’m fine, really,” she said, scooting away from him. “I just need to be alone for a minute, that’s all.”

She walked over and sat behind one of the bushes they had been hiding in and started to cry. She slammed her fists on the ground and buried her head in her arms.

Thomas came over and sat by her. “Are you ok?” he asked.

“No,” she whispered. He patted her on the back and she threw her arms around his neck, wanting any comfort she could get.

“I don’t belong here, Thomas,” she cried. “I know this is going to sound really crazy, but I am from the future.”

“The future? You mean like, years away or something?” he asked.

“Yeah, five thousand years away,” she told him. Taking her arms from around her neck, she reached in her pocket and took her cell phone back out. “See this? You use this to communicate with people, even if they’re countries away.”

“I don’t believe you,” he said.

“Then just watch this,” she said, pressing some buttons. Pink Floyd blared through the cell phones little speakers. Thomas jumped.

“Is that coming from it? How did you do that?” he asked, scooting away from her. “You’re a witch! I should have never followed you.”

“No, no! I’m not a witch. I’ll get rid of it! See?” she said, throwing her cell phone against a boulder. It shattered and the music died away. “I hated that thing anyways.”

Thomas still had a wary, frightened look on his face.

“I’m completely safe,” she said. “You could totally overpower me if you wanted. I’m just human,” she said, holding out her hand. “Pinch me, or slap me or something.”

He stuck out his a hand and slapped her wrist.

“Sheesh! That hurt, man!” she cried, holding her wrist. It started to turn bright red. “Don’t you think if I was a witch, I would heal myself? Dang!”

“You promise?” he asked.

“Yeah, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye,” she said, still nursing her sore wrist.

“You still talk funny,” he said.

“I always will, Tommy Boy.”

“What is that? A pet name?” he asked.

“Yeah, nickname, pet name, whatever you want to call it. It’s from a movie.”

“What are movies? Everything is movies with you,” he said.

“You know what actors are?” she asked.

“Of course,” he replied.

“Well, a whole bunch of actors and actresses get together and act stuff, while being filmed, of course,” she said.

“Film?”

“Um, record, so you can put them on anytime you want and they don’t have to do anything. They just play in front of your eyes like magic,” she explained. “And they’re not even there.”

He started to get a little frightened again.

“But it’s not! It’s not magic. It’s completely normal where I come from,” she said.

“Let’s just decide what we’re going to do,” he said, frustrated.

“Ok,” she said. “So what are we going to do?”

“Well, how do you intend on getting back to your ‘future’?” he asked.

“I’m not joshing around with you! I swear!” she yelled.

“I think you’re ‘crazy’ or whatever you call it,” he said.

She burst out laughing. “You sound funny when you talk like me!”

His cheeks turned flaming red and he stood up. “I’m leaving. Good luck! Don’t get eaten by the wild beasts or anything!”

“No! Thomas! I’m sorry; I swear I am,” she begged him, and then added, “I might even be crazy, I’m not sure.”

Thomas looked at her, scowling.

“Fine, then. I need you! I’d die out here alone,” she begged.

“Fine.”


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Last edited by Ailam Remard on Wed Jul 16, 2008 3:27 am; edited 2 times in total
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Nolan   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 3:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow.

i really like this whole series.
it's amazing.

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alwaysawriter   View This User's Portfolio
is back to writing and critiquing.
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 3:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The rabbit part kind of grossed me out (I'm a vegeterian but it would gross me out anyway). However, they have to eat somehow.

The only thing that stood out for me was this:

Quote:
Anyway, jack and I use them all the time,” she told him.
Capitalize the J in Jack. Did you mean to say Jack? Or did you mean Jackie? You might want to call her Jackie since the two characters just met and he may be like "Jack--I thought you're best friend was Jackie?" Although I know that would never happen, just a thought.

Anyway, good job. Smile

-Always

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This part made me laugh!
I don't know why, I guess it was just how she's trying to get him to understand.
Yeah, the Jack/Jackie thing got my attention too, but that was the only thing.
Good Job!
I'm going to go check out chapter 6!

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