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This thread was created on July 11, 2008
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Topic ID: 32896
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Chirantha
The boy genius.
Speaker of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 14
Joined: 01 Jul 2008
Posts: 753
Reviews: 143
Country: Somewhere above or below ground
1671 Points
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 Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 6:05 am Post subject: |
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Fantastic story, well done. 
And, yep, as everyone says the rain made it more romantic and basically realistic.
Please, please, please write about Harry and Ginny.
So, I've no mistakes to point out, so I can advise you to keep writing.
Good luck.  |
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the-rainbow-dreamer
Novice
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 23 Aug 2008
Posts: 9
Reviews: 4
Country: UK
300 Points
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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That was so cute!!!
I do normally read Ron and Hermione fanfiction but I will now because those two are really meant for eachother.
You described the feelings and setting very well so it was not hard to imagaine it in my mind.
"I’m sitting on the stone ledge, rain soaking through to my very bones, my eyes looking straight ahead. My hair is plastered to my face and I feel my fingers fidgeting uncontrollably in my lap. And then, I have a sudden rush of warmth on my left. I turn to look at the man who has captured my heart so effortlessly and I frown."
This caught my attention because firstly what you are saying is not comfortable with Hermione fidgeting and is soaked to the bones and then you change it suddenly to warmth due to Ron's presence being there with her.
Saying the changes within each of the characters e.g. Neville being brave was very revealing because you have gone indept into the other characters and i think that is how Hermione would have seen people.
"I can see his muscular arms through his soaked shirt and the rain that’s pounding on his face is starting to wash away the dried blood and wreckage and heartache."
I liked this because it showed the rain washing away to terrible things and leaving behind the furture and the good things.
Overall I really liked it and you have shown all these different things I believe. |
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| This thread was created on July 11, 2008 |
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