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This thread was created on July 10, 2008
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Cade
Stores writing utensils in a flowerpot.
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 Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:49 am Post subject: |
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Hmm. I can understand why you like those two lines at the end of S3. If you want to keep them, I would at least advise replacing the word 'gushes' with something else...it just makes me think of haunted houses where you stick your hand in a box and it's spaghetti or something. Or a water slide. Or barf. But not life coming out of a skull.
I would actually take out the 'all' before 'life' in that line, too. The phrase 'all life gushes' sounds off to me, and I'd really prefer 'while life __verb of choice__'
Some possible options for the verb of choice:
spills
trickles
streams
floods
roars
splatters
spouts
surges
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Xena
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| Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 8:27 am Post subject: |
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| HMMMM suzie..... now i would think this wouljd be just a litle.. oh risque for the thirteen yoruslds right? i dont know if they should be hearing about gushing virginity and exposed,not to mention rubbing, navals... do you.. and leaving girls on the road from being raped! tsk tsk...lol jk. we joke we joke |
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clueless
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| Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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| uhh question--- isn't what your describing supposed to be an enjoyable experience? ou make it sound like it was torture. maybe it was. |
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| This thread was created on July 10, 2008 |
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