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This thread was created on July 6, 2008
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World War 1: Christmas 1914
Topic ID: 32674
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| Total Votes : 4 |
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jules4848
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Posts: 99
Reviews: 43
Country: A Medival Times Scot-Irish
332 Points
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 Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:12 am Post subject: World War 1: Christmas 1914 |
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I wrote this after finishing a book called:
Lord of the Nutcrackermen by Iain Lawrence (its realistic when it comes to history with a fantasy twist)
Christmas 1914
No other day can compare
When Fritzes and Tommies joined
In song and in prayer
The trenches stretched on
For miles and miles reminding us
Of those who were gone
A day remembered and often told
When stories crossed “No Man’s Land”
From the men who were bold
But the truce was soon broken
For the Generals’ orders
Must be obeyed when spoken
But all of Britain, all of Germany
Will never forget
The trust put in to many
For no other day can compare
When Fritzes and Tommies joined
In song and in prayer |
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"A writer is mearly a reader who knows the end of the story."
YES I WRITE MY OWN QUOTES
www.4fantasyreadersonly.webs.com 'not just books' |
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In_the_Moonlight
Writer
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 87
Reviews: 54
Country: Nartimarick- yes it does exist.....
539 Points
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| Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 10:04 pm Post subject: Re: World War 1: Christmas 1914 |
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| jules4848 wrote: |
I wrote this after finishing a book called:
Lord of the Nutcrackermen by Iain Lawrence (its realistic when it comes to history with a fantasy twist)
Christmas 1914
No other day can compare
When Fritzes and Tommies joined
In song and in prayer
The trenches stretched on
For miles and miles reminding us
Of those who were gone
A day remembered and often told
When stories crossed “No Man’s Land”That really stood out to me
From the men who were bold
But the truce was soon broken
For the Generals’ orders
Must be obeyed when spoken
But all of Britain, all of Germany
Will never forget
The trust put in to many
For no other day can compare
When Fritzes and Tommies joined
In song and in prayer |
I give this a 10/10 because you started and ended it with the same thing which made it sound insanely cool!
*Seriously I can't think of anything to correct. It's really good. Now I want to read that book. |
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Some people say, Save yourself and you save your life.
I say, Be yourself and you save your soul.
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Wolf_Link95
Novice
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 06 Aug 2008
Posts: 13
Reviews: 1
300 Points
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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i loved this poem i also think it was a good idea with the opening being the same as the ending, i found this poem is very readable i have to bye this book 
Good job! 10/10 |
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Maybe its time for a ocarina me thinks |
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Swottielottie
is going to kill someone today!
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Posts: 674
Reviews: 153
Country: UK
397 Points
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 7:36 pm Post subject: |
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This was an interesting idea and a good topic.
I once wrote a short piece of prose about this topic, so I can understand why you wanted to write a poem about it.
The rhymng was good and not too over the top but for me the rhythm wasn't quite right. I don't think you need to bother changing it, as it wasn't drastically wrong. I just though it should flow a litte more because it seems slow, although slow is a good tempo for this type of poem.
All in all 9 /10 as it was really good, but it didn't tell me anyhing new and to be honest and didn't get my emotions flowing etc.
That book sounds very cool, I might read it.
Good work. |
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jules4848
Writer
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Posts: 99
Reviews: 43
Country: A Medival Times Scot-Irish
332 Points
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| Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:03 am Post subject: Thanks 2 all (except in_the_moonlight you dont count) |
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thanks for the advice
The books isnt all just about the christmas but it is a big part of the story.
although it is good its a little slow but it still tells you about the war
the fantasy twist is that whatever the main character does to his nutcrackermen seems to happen in the war
plus there is a mystery of an unknown soldier wondering around
its a decent book and the fact that Christmas created a break in the war amazed me thats why i like the book so much |
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"A writer is mearly a reader who knows the end of the story."
YES I WRITE MY OWN QUOTES
www.4fantasyreadersonly.webs.com 'not just books' |
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| This thread was created on July 6, 2008 |
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