This brilliant idea was given to me last night at approximately 12:16 in the evening. Hence, I was tired, giddy, and I'm surprised my spelling was even up to par. Crits welcome, even though this thing is full of crack. XD
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Bib Fickle was an average man who lived an average life. That is, if you excused the fact that he lived on an asteroid.
Yes, due to an unfortunate accident in Bib’s childhood, involving a slingshot and a large bag of rocks, he now lived on an asteroid with his trusty polka dot umbrella Prokaryote. Why was it named Prokaryote? Simply because it was the very last thing Bib studied before the “slingshot incident.”
But yes, he lived an average life on his asteroid, surviving on asteroid cheese and pretzel sticks, and spending his days talking to Prokaryote about important subjects, such as “Why are my toes blue in the afternoon, and not in the evening at around 9:30 EST time?” Or, “How come I only sneeze twice in a row, and not twenty-three and 5/8 times?” It was a rather enjoyable existence.
Until one day, when something very strange happened.
A magical portal opened up in Bib’s asteroid cheese.
He stared at it for a moment, wondering if he were possibly under the influence of some off pretzel stick batter, or something. He prodded it with his finger. It squeaked and wiggled and moved from the cheese to his trouser leg, where it sat. He prodded it again, and this time, instead of moving, it sat there and made a noise that sounded like, “boooooooooooooingdoooooomyah!!”
Bib fickle quickly sat up and grabbed Prokaryote.
“Hello?” he inquired, clutching his umbrella to him tightly.
The portal quivered for a moment, and then a little creature pranced out.
If you had asked Bib what he thought the creature looked like, he would have said, “Oh, I don’t know. It may resemble a cross between a green banana, a toadstool, and a toaster. Except it has feelers.”
And in this particular case, that was exactly what it was.
The banana/toadstool/toaster creature stood there, and blinked its great eyes at Bib. Bib blinked back. This blinking contest continued until Bib slowly reached down, lifted up a bit of the asteroid cheese, and offered it to the creature.
The thing flipped out.
Squeaking high pitched gibberish nonsense, it raised tiny arms, and would have jumped onto Bib’s face had he not raised his umbrella and let it latch onto that instead.
The banana/toadstool/toaster creature opened its mouth and gripped the cloth of the umbrella with it’s sharp little fangs. Making vicious squeaking noises, it tossed its head back and forth, until a large “riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip”ing noise was heard.
Bib Fickle stood there in absolute shock.
The thing was standing on the ground, it’s little arms flailing through the air, a square of Prokaryote’s polka dotted cloth in its mouth.
Bib’s mouth opened and closed. So would have the creatures were it not absolutely focused on tasting the umbrella cloth.
It then turned tail and ran, making little hysteric laughing noises.
Bib let out a terrified little “Oh!” and ran after it, keeping sure to hold Prokaryote above his head, to keep him from further harm.
The banana/toadstool/toaster creature ran all over the asteroid, waving its little arms and squealing, as Bib ran after it. Until, that is, he tripped over his box of pretzel sticks. Then he fell over.
The creature shrieked with glee, and ran over. Bib could see his face reflected in the green tinny side of the toaster part.
A sudden curiosity struck Bib. He reached out and picked up a piece of asteroid cheese. He then put it into the slots on the creature’s back, and pushed the lever.
The thing fell over.
Bib blinked, and poked it with the umbrella. It did not stir.
He quickly picked the thing up by its tiny little arm, and brought it over to the magic portal. He then tried to push it back through the portal.
Unfortunately, things usually don’t work out that way.
Instead of just peacefully going back through the magic portal to banana/toadstool/toaster land, the thing fell back onto the asteroid.
And was promptly followed by 1,000 more.
Bib stared at the mass of shiny, flailing, squeaking banana/toadstool/toaster creatures, and wondered about Prokaryote’s safety.
One of the little monstrosities managed to climb out of the dog pile, and totter over to a box of pretzel sticks. Imagining the worst, Bib fickle raised Prokaryote and closed his eyes.
But then he opened them a crack, because he just had to see what was going to happen!
The creature stood over the box of pretzel sticks, poking them with its tiny green finger. It picked one up, and sniffed it, then hesitantly took a bite.
Suddenly, the little banana/toadstool/toaster creature thing exploded into many little banana/toadstool/toaster creature things.
Bib Fickle began to cry.
He sat down on the ground and cried his little heart out. What had happened to his simple existence? He had been so happy until these little things had come. And his dear, poor, Prokaryote, with its hole!
Oh, the humanity!
What will happen to Bib Fickle? What about the banana/toadstool/toaster things? Will there ever be a soap that tastes like chicken pastrami?! UNTIL NEXT TIME!
