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All at once
All at once
by PurpleFlautist in Narrative Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction

This thread was created on July 5, 2008
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Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
•Poisoned Roses--Prologue
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 1
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 2
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 3
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 4
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 5
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 6
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 7
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 9
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 10
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 11
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 12
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 13
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 14
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 15
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 16
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 17
•Poisoned Roses--Chapter 18

Poisoned Roses--Chapter 8 Goto page Previous  1, 2

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ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Merry_Haven:

Sorry to say but no, Sophia and Carmen will constantly "butt heads" if you will over this Isaac thing. Just be prepared for many more arguements in the near furture Wink But I wont' give any more away than that.

Sophia chose the solitary confinement just so she had time to think, clear her head, and try to forget about the whole "almost killing Isaac thing". I will try to make that more clear, though.

Thanks so much for reading!

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ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 5:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
*edited*

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey Ash,

Well I liked this chapter but there were a few things that I wanted to point out.
Quote:
I open my mouth to feed but halt. Looking up at Nora as she straightens the bed sheets on her mattress, I open my mouth to speak. “Nora,” I begin, and she glances up, her look puzzled. “I’m sorry about all the hassle I’ve made.”


These sentences were written weirdly. First you say her mouth is open but then she halts and then she opens her mouth again? Reword please.

That was all that I found wrong, and other than that this was another lovely chapter. I love that emotions are starting to heat up. Gotta love vampire Drama! Laughing Can't wait to read more.

Good Job,
~Angel

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ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 9:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Angel of Death:

Thanks for pointing this out! Very Happy

Yeah, vampire drama sure makes things interesting...hehe

Thanks again for taking the time to read this!

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2008 4:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
CHAPTER EIGHT: Wow Sophia has a lot of tantrums. Maybe you should cut back on those...

Yeah. That's all I got. You already have al my corrections, so... I have nothing else.

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