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Watching Windows - Chapter 1
Watching Windows - Chapter 1

by CastlesInTheSky in Other Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on July 3, 2008
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Chronicles of Gaia
Topic ID: 32533
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Did I Do a Good Job?
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Stop writing now and save yourself and us a whole lot of grief
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dualshock71   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:38 pm    Post subject: Chronicles of Gaia Reply with quote

Hear you now the history of Gaia, that world on which you and yours reside. Long, uncounted years past, there was no world, only the Great Black in which are set the twinkling stars and the Dragon of Eternity. Now the Dragon, swimming through the Black, saw it was empty, and this saddened him. So he gathered together energy from deep in the Black, and from this he formed a young woman, who he called Gaia. She cheered the Dragon, who had existed forever with naught but himself for company.

But soon, he perceived that his creation was lonely, for there was none like her in all the Great Black. The Dragon could not stand it, for he loved his creation dearly and wished for her great happiness. So he reached deeper into the Black and, with this energy, formed a young man, who he named Dalen. This man pleased Gaia greatly, and she ceased her sorrow and, having fallen in love with the man at first sight, became his wife. And the Dragon was pleased, for his "daughter" had found true happiness.

This happiness lasted for hundred of millions of years. Gaia and Dalen had many children, the first men and women, who inhabited the Black with them. The Dragon happily shaped mates for his "grandchildren", and was greatly pleased with his creation. However, his happiness was soon to be shattered. Men, as he would later learn, are insatiable. Dalen grew jealous of his "father"'s power, and he began to demand power for himself. The Dragon, though startled by his sons greed, acquiesced to his request and, by the time he became truly worried, Dalen had gained the power to create worlds by himself.

Now desiring all of his "father"'s power, Dalen gathered many of his children together and declared war on the Dragon. The Dragon reluctantly built his own army of Black energy, and sent them into battle with his rebellious offspring. In the end, Dalen was tricked by his wife Gaia, who created a world and imprisoned him in the center for all eternity. The rebellion ended, and the new world, named Dalen after the being imprisoned within it, was closed off to all who may wish to go there. To ensure that his "son" never escaped to bring chaos to the Great Black again, the Dragon created more beings, strong, horned guardians, which he set on the planet to watch over his wayward creation.

Gaia, however, was devastated by the affair. She begged the Dragon to help her break free from her torment. So, with a heavy heart, he created another planet using her body. Her spirit inhabited this new world, which he set far apart from Dalen's prison. Though still sentient, Gaia was now far more than she had been, and her suffering eased. In order to help her with the remnants of her sorrow, the Dragon set her offspring and theirs on her world. But now, the Dragon himself was lonely and sad, for he had lost all he loved and cared for in the Great Dark, as he could not settle on Gaia to be with his creations. And so, weeping, he flung himself deep into the Dark and slept. He has yet to awaken.

- From The Book of Gaia, Chapter 1, translated from the Ancient by Goray Linndell

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ra'um was quite possibly the luckiest man in the world. Admittedly, he was living in a peasant village deep inside the Kingdom of Napaz, not exactly known for proper treatment of its peasants, and he may have been poor as dirt, but he still considered himself the luckiest man to ever grace the planet. Why wouldn't he? After all, by the end of tomorrow, he would be, at least compared to his neighbors, a rich man, married to the single most beautiful girl in town, and that was enough to make him feel extremely lucky. It fulfilled his lifelong dreams, after all; what could possibly go wrong now? All he had to do was finish his day's work, then go back to his home, get one last night's sleep, and then, all would be well.

He trudged through his cornfield, pulling up any weeds he could see. The cornstalks were a godsend around this time of the year. They were quite tall; they blocked out the sun, which was nice in and of itself, but their height also kept the almost razor sharp leaves high up off the ground. There was another advantage to finally marrying Sanni; when it was early in the growing season, he'd have someone to help him salve his wounds. In the years since the last of his family had died, he'd often spent hours after finishing for the day desperately trying to find a way to apply the salve to his own back. Most nights, he had to settle for just lying back into a large cloth covered in it. It was a tremendous waste, and he hated doing it, but he couldn't afford an infection. Priests, after all, were expensive.

Finally, Ra'um finished with the entirety of his field and, slowly and stiffly, began to walk home. It would be nice to have a good night's sleep. And tomorrow...perfect happiness. Ra'um was, for this moment, the luckiest, and happiest, man in the world.

Three seconds later, had his head still been attached to his neck, he may have considered on the way luck tends to shift.

Before the former farmer, current corpse, hit the ground, his killer was already moving. He was one of fifty men, soldiers sent into the village to take it over in the name of their lord. At least, most of them were. The killer was a mercenary, hired three days previously for this attack. His employer had believed that there was a powerful mage here, a man whose powerful bodyguard had sent numerous hired killers to their graves. None have been of his caliber, of course, but one could never be too cautious. So, he had asked the lord to attack the village proper. The lord, who had been planning to attack anyway, had agreed, hoping to kill two birds with one quick stone.

The killer would be disappointed. The mage he was seeking had left weeks before, perhaps somehow foreseeing that someone was coming for him. Despite the disappointment, though, the killer was relatively happy an hour later, staring down from the former governor's office as captives were led back to the base camp. He had come here to be paid, true, but the lord paid him for every little service. No, what he was really interested in were his future targets. The killer, an adrenaline addict since the first time he'd killed a man, longed for that special feeling to fill him again. Simply killing weaklings like the farmer earlier did nothing for him. He wanted, needed, an opponent that was as skillful as he himself was.

For now, he would be disappointed. Soon, however, his employer would catch up with the targets. And this demon of a man would achieve his goal, or...what or? No one could beat him.

Smiling, he walked out into the city to join in the celebration. Unlike many men in his profession, the killer rather enjoyed his drink. And, if one of his drunken "fellows" happened to step out of line, well...that would at least be a fight.


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Last edited by dualshock71 on Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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dualshock71   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, italics are weird today. Only did the first paragraph, not the whole section. So, any good?

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bravo. I thoroughly enjoyed that! You've a solid mythology that could've been taken from any top novel out there, a great way with words, and I liked how you described the farmer just enough to make him interesting, but not too much to leave us wondering why you had his head chopped off after all that detail.

Only thing that seems missing is the environment. I've no idea where these scenes happened. Sure, the story is fast-paced, but maybe a fleeting mention about the where might have made this awesome piece mind-blowing?

I'll definately keep checking your stuff out. Well done, I say.

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Art is not about thinking something up. It is the opposite -- getting something down.
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