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by Teddybear22 in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Fiction

This thread was created on July 2, 2008
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Fall Fade

Topic ID: 32454
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Prokaryote   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 4:12 am    Post subject: Fall Fade Reply with quote

Leaves rest on his grave; coronation: prince of death. Suitable. Fitting. I hope nature's blanket comforts him in hell.

Two shots; one dead. (Must be certain, after all.) Gun's steel muzzle and curling smoke, a soul's ethereal form, drifting -- wispy, black, elusive.

Innocence. Potential. Future. Happiness. Snuffed out, then swept away.

That eye for another, though. Justice prevailed.

Hand scrawls across paper -- thoughts: reason, emotion, satisfaction, flowing easily. Discarded into time's trashbin. Letting go -- but never forgiving.

The letter escapes; white-hot feelings, fresh from furnace, float upon chill wind -- they will rot this fall.

My cool, reserved, unquenchable hatred? Eternal.

* * *

Cat made me do it. Razz

(Note: If you see a word repeated, please tell me.)

Link to contest. Very hard. If you like a challenge, don't hesitate to enter.


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Last edited by Prokaryote on Thu Jul 03, 2008 4:59 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PenguinAttack   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 9:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oooh, I like this.

You've a good stream of consciousness feel to this, and it works well with the theme - or central idea - that I can see. I'm sure you'll do great for Click's contest! I'm certain this will beat my entry now. xD I'm really enamoured with it.

Also! No words repeated as far as I can see. It certainly is a challenge. ^^

Much luck!

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

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Adnamarine   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 12:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You repeat "on."

"float on chill wind"
"Leaves rest on his grave" Should be very easy to fix.


Apart from that... you're an awesome writer:) Good luck!

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Prokaryote   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 4:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nooooo, I hate you Adna. XP (I actually love you -- thanks for pointing that out.)

And thanks Penguin! Smile

*fixes*

Prokaryote

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Horus -- pretty cool.
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 6:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Huh. I'm not quite sure what to think of this. I tried entering Jabb's contest, but utterly failed. I couldn't do it, so bravo for entering.

I understood the first half.

Quote:
Leaves rest on his grave; coronation: prince of death. Suitable. Fitting. I hope nature's blanket comforts him in hell.

Two shots; one dead. (Must be certain, after all.) Gun's steel muzzle and curling smoke, a soul's ethereal form, drifting -- wispy, black, elusive.

Innocence. Potential. Future. Happiness. Snuffed out, then swept away.

That eye for another, though. Justice prevailed.


I understood that. I hope. This guy committed a crime (inflicting someone's life that the MC loved?) and was killed for it. The MC hates the murderer. He explains how he was killed. That's pretty much self explanatory.

The next part was rather confusing. I didn't quite get it.

Quote:
Hand scrawls across paper -- thoughts: reason, emotion, satisfaction, flowing easily. Discarded into time's trashbin. Letting go -- but never forgiving.

The letter escapes; white-hot feelings, fresh from furnace, float upon chill wind -- they will rot this fall.

My cool, reserved, unquenchable hatred? Eternal.


*tries to decode your hidden message* *fails* I understood the last line, but that's it.

That's why I'm not good with this 'deeper than it seems' stuff. Sorry. But it was a wonderful read. I think I'm growing too attached to your writing. Stop me now, before you have a fan.

-Jared

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