Topic ID: 32266
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Bookmarker
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 Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:32 pm Post subject: KABOOM! |
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KaaaaaaaBOOM!
"Fireworks!" "YAY!"
BOOM!
BOOM!
FWISSSSsssshhhh.
"OOH!" "AAH!"
BAM!
bambam.
BOOOcccrrrackllle.
EEEEEEEEEeeeeePOOF!
BOOM!
BOOM!
FWISH!
FWISH!
RRRRRRRAAAA...
BAM!!!
sssssssssshhhhhhhhh.
"YAY!" |
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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... No offense but...
What was that???
... I mean, that doesn't even seem to be classified as poetry to me, it's just the sound of fireworks launching, with the finishing touch being people going, "Yay!"
... This, methinks, should be in the "Other" category.
...
Although it did cheer me up.
(Very 4th of July-sy) |
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Medusa
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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Hehe. This made me giggle, which I hope was the point of the peice. If not, whoops. It can't really be taken seriously, can it?
Cheers,
--Medusa. |
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BigBadBear
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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This is a very happy piece. I really like it. It's very different, unique and all around very nice. I can't really critique it because it's just noises... but hey... you gotta love it!
-Jared |
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Sketch
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Medusa wrote: |
| Hehe. This made me giggle... |
Ditto. =]
All the advice I have is to describe the fireworks. What do they look like? Do they give off a certain smell? You definitely have the noise down pact! |
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hobbes
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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| all around awesome.like BBB said, ya can't critique it but this is definitly awesicknasticool. this kinda reminds of the noises a stomp band would make.sooooooooooooooooooo...................yea.coolio. |
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lyrical_sunshine
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 6:56 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not sure this is poetry...but that's ok. 
I agree with Sketch. I think you should describe the fireworks a little. Not in great, poetic detail, because that's not the style of the piece...just maybe one or two words every other sentence..."Heat," "Light," "Colored rain," "Children smiles," "Joy"...You know? We can HEAR the fireworks, and that's fun, but I want to see them too. Savvy?
~Sunny |
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springrain2693
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 6:41 am Post subject: |
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This definitely is not written by a depressed person. Very cheerful and exciting. Brings to mind the 4th of July or New Years Eve (more so 7/4). Can't say that it had emotion or meaning, but it put a smile on my face. I always find it nice to try out new styles, and if this is your aim, good job  . |
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Uo
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 2:59 am Post subject: |
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XD wow this tottaly reminds me of the 4th of july.....sounds like you really love fireworks and the noises they make......but it can't really be taken seriously as a poem i mean i don't really know what the meaning of this was....and it looks like it was written by a two year old (sorry trying hard not to be mean) you could try harder to do so with this and improve it like a lot......cause right now it's like you were randomly typing dude
-Uo the lady in grey |
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alleycat13
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:21 am Post subject: |
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Hey, it made me smile (and giggle).
That's all I got. Happy writing to ya! |
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Sinkingtooslow
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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Is this your rebuttal to the anti-fireworks poem we had a few days ago? Well, I don't really fancy it too much, but I suppose you do have a talent for spelling noises. . . . .
Well, I hope this was supposed to be silly. It was a little funny. . . |
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Cade
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Congratulations. You made a list of onomatopoeia and posted it in the Poetry forum. |
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Fibbles
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 12:22 am Post subject: onomonpiea |
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| um... good job with the onomonopiea (however you spell it) but maybe you should try adding actual words, and adding emotion to your poem. like, make a central message, not a bunch of noises. you can add the noises to your poem, just not to EVERY SINGLE word in the poem. Yea, thats all i have to say. |
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Anonamuse
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Um...what the -blank- was that. It didn't seem to be anything more than just a bunch of noises. However it did get my attention, which might have been you're goal, I have no idea, but you might want to rethink your choice of placement. |
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horsez919
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| Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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HAHA I LOVED IT! I'm not sure if it's classified as poetry but it'll do.
It's definately on the creative side!
Keep Writing |
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