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This thread was created on June 26, 2008
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Topic ID: 32167
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Nolan
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 15 Jun 2008 Posts: 92 Reviews: 43 Country: Above Heaven;Below Hell 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:44 pm Post subject: Vengeance |
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The template of man stands still.
Silence surrounds, and it is worthless.
The person you are can and will
Happily receive Death's sweet kiss.
For, when it rains all around,
And Armageddon pours down,
Only you could make a sound
And annihilate this whole town.
Destruction came from above;
Your good heart, without fear.
You saved yourself from the evil in love,
And destroyed my world, without a tear.
Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord;
For a while it was, but, never, no more.
The war drums strike the fiercest cord;
Upon you we shall descend like the Devil's sword. |
_________________ "Don't worry about my sanity, dear. After all, it's pointless to worry about something that's nonexistent."
-Nolan Logan
Last edited by Nolan on Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:01 am; edited 1 time in total |
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bkwrm
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 07 Mar 2007 Posts: 96 Reviews: 78 Country: England 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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I can't say that I agree with the feelings expressed in this poem, but it was well written and it flows well. Pieces such as this seem to be your forte - or maybe just your favourite way of expressing yourself?
Just one thing;
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| For a while it was, but, never, no more. |
You've got too many commas - try cutting out the one before never.
Keep writing
Bkwrm  |
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Sexy Sadie
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 21 Jul 2008 Posts: 76 Reviews: 37 Country: Liverpool, England 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:08 am Post subject: |
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'Lo Nolan (once again)
I liked this very much! Your poetry is very deep, you really have to look at it to understand it, rather than read it. If that made any sense. Like John Lennon, not the style, but the depth. I don't know what I'm talking about.
Let me take a wild guess on what this is about, the coming of Christ? I'm not into any religion myself, but I've taken classes on religion.
Bravo!
Keep up the good work, mate.
-Sadie  |
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| This thread was created on June 26, 2008 |
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