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piepiemann22
To Live Is To Die
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 Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:11 pm Post subject: A Promise |
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A promise, I keep,
never to be broken.
Bending one's word,
that just isn't me.
I promise to hold,
to keep you safe.
our lives shall come together,
new memories to be had.
I promise to go slow,
you go your own pace.
You've been through a lot,
I seen it through my eye.
I promise to be there,
always at your side.
Together we'll over come it,
just as we did before.
I promise to never lie,
the truth is all I'll say.
The mistake of one,
will not be of the many.
I promise, i swear,
everything I've said,
to continue what I've done,
and to love you forever.
A promise, I'll keep,
you know me well enough.
Words have been spoke,
only time now for action. |
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~By me Anthony Delia |
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Angel of Death
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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OMG!! This was really beautiful  I haven't read any of your poetry in a long time but my theory still remains true: You are a great poet, almost like a modern Shakespeare. It sounded like a vow a groom makes to his bride when they get married. I didn't see anything wrong. So, all in all, lovely.
Good job and Keep writing,
Angel  |
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"Like the apple that passed through both the lips of Adam and Eve, you are forbidden. So if I were to pick you from a garden that has been coveted by another man, then I shall have hell to pay for my sins,"-Me |
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piepiemann22
To Live Is To Die
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 11:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Thank you very much Angel. I'm glad you like it! |
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With a dream we find a purpose. With a purpose we are contempt. With contemptment we can see. With sight we understand. With understanding we know. With knowledge we live.
~By me Anthony Delia |
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jenni321
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 5:52 pm Post subject: |
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Hey! Great poem, I really liked it. There were a few things I noticed though,
like when you say: our lives shall come together,
new memories to be had.
or
Together we'll over come it,
just as we did before.
I thought it was kind of throwing the rhythm off balance a bit, that's just me though, you may want to keep it that way, it depends on what you're aiming for. Overall, I thought it was really great, I've also read a few of your other poems, I always enjoy them!
- Jenni- |
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carelessaussie13
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:27 pm Post subject: |
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Hi! I'm Aussie and I think I've read your poems before. . .which brings me to critiquing your poem. It was lovely, don't get me wrong. I really liked it. But it's already been written. Or at least, things like it have been written. It needs some. . . kaZAM! or some little oomph to get us really feeling the mood. If you think about it, I'm sure you can come up with two or three little things that have never been written before that will make your poem really make a reader feel something in that little place in their heart where feelings happen.
Have fun editing! see you around
-Aussie |
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Writing for love is a pas
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:34 pm Post subject: |
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Wow. I hope you keep all of those promises. It's really nice to see this from a guys point of view. It was really well written, but I do agree with Aussie a little, it needs something. Like maybe, how does the other person make you feel, or how do they make you mad at times.
The way you wrote it was sweet. 10/10 because I liked it. *Gold star*
_WFL_ |
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gamechanger10
Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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this was a really beatiful poem.
as the angel of death said, you're a great poet. i've never read any of your work (but i just joined yesterday). and i expect the rest of what you do is just as amazing.
this had a really nice flow. and the wording was so perfect.
i do however, agree with Aussie as well...
i disagree with writing for love. i do not think that you should mention anything negative-i think that would ruin the mood of the piece. i think...that...maybe...you could give--i don't know--like, an example of...
no never mind. don't change a thing...
its a wonderful poem as is.
Keep it up!
-GC10
(PM me if you have any questions) |
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