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When the world sleeps
When the world sleeps

by bisquit in Lyric Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Dramatic Poetry

This thread was created on June 22, 2008
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Waiting.
Topic ID: 31962
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Charliebo   View This User's Portfolio
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Age: 15
Joined: 29 Apr 2008
Posts: 68
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:53 am    Post subject: Waiting. Reply with quote

I see the scraps of morning

    Gently amble over-head,

The farm-cat fiercely yawning

    Stretching, 

    Scratching on my bed.

All about, 

The air is thick with 

     Light anticipation

As i slip into my dress and hat

     And hurry to the station.

They poor from doors

     Like green-ish bugs, as the 

Platform fills with shouts.

     I go up on my tip toes

To search his movements out.

     He's there, 

        I know it, 

           I am sure -

I'd dreamt it up last night.

     He'd spill out with them 

From the train

Returning from the fight.

     But as the beetles drain away

He simply won't appear

     So i go on home, 

     'another day'

i think 

     'he will be here'.

The darkness follows, 

Folds the sky

     I slip into the house

And in my head, 

         That muffled truth

    Lies quiet 

             as 

               a mouse.

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clueless   View This User's Portfolio
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Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Posts: 83
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow. that was truly amazing. ok, so at first when i read a couple lines i though, uh oh, this is terrible rhyming. by the end i was all, "oh who cares! that was amazing and if she changed the rhyming at all it would mess everything up!" so bravo. i loved the-

He's there,

I know it,

I am sure -

and the-

Lies quiet

as

a mouse.

very nice, adds a good touch. i would basicly say never stop you are a really good writer with lots of potential.

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hmmmm well, i hope you enjoyed.
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Shallowdepth   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow this was a great poem, very powerful. I love the structure of it as well as the vivid imagery. Combining the two elements all but accentuates the the words and the poem all together as a whole =) very nice. You're very talented. I enjoyed this poem a lot.

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This thread was created on June 22, 2008
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This thread was created on June 22, 2008

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