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This thread was created on June 22, 2008
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Topic ID: 31962
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Charliebo
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 29 Apr 2008 Posts: 68 Reviews: 43 Country: Britain 300 Points
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Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:53 am Post subject: Waiting. |
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I see the scraps of morning
Gently amble over-head,
The farm-cat fiercely yawning
Stretching,
Scratching on my bed.
All about,
The air is thick with
Light anticipation
As i slip into my dress and hat
And hurry to the station.
They poor from doors
Like green-ish bugs, as the
Platform fills with shouts.
I go up on my tip toes
To search his movements out.
He's there,
I know it,
I am sure -
I'd dreamt it up last night.
He'd spill out with them
From the train
Returning from the fight.
But as the beetles drain away
He simply won't appear
So i go on home,
'another day'
i think
'he will be here'.
The darkness follows,
Folds the sky
I slip into the house
And in my head,
That muffled truth
Lies quiet
as
a mouse. |
_________________ Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
-- George Carlin |
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clueless
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 23 Jun 2008 Posts: 83 Reviews: 23
300 Points
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Posted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 8:28 pm Post subject: |
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wow. that was truly amazing. ok, so at first when i read a couple lines i though, uh oh, this is terrible rhyming. by the end i was all, "oh who cares! that was amazing and if she changed the rhyming at all it would mess everything up!" so bravo. i loved the-
He's there,
I know it,
I am sure -
and the-
Lies quiet
as
a mouse.
very nice, adds a good touch. i would basicly say never stop you are a really good writer with lots of potential. |
_________________ hmmmm well, i hope you enjoyed. |
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Shallowdepth
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 42 Reviews: 19 Country: USA 300 Points
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Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:50 am Post subject: |
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| Wow this was a great poem, very powerful. I love the structure of it as well as the vivid imagery. Combining the two elements all but accentuates the the words and the poem all together as a whole =) very nice. You're very talented. I enjoyed this poem a lot. |
_________________ "When a thought takes one's breath away, a grammar lesson seems an impertienence."
~Thomas W. Higginson |
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| This thread was created on June 22, 2008 |
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