| Young Writers Society - Community Forums For Young Writers |
|
This thread was created on June 21, 2008
  |
|
Topic ID: 31939
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
niteowl
I'm an ol' king bee, honey,
Epic Novelist
Gender: 
Age: 18
Joined: 28 Nov 2004
Posts: 3896
Reviews: 363
Country: somewhere in America
300 Points
|
 Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:14 pm Post subject: Buttons from Bones |
 |
|
They want to make buttons
out of my bones.
They say old age
claimed me,
buttoning me up,
nice and tidy.
They blind themselves
to the cut marks
and fractures.
Nature did not
do this to me.
He did.
But he is their king,
their hero who did
no wrong.
They'll never believe it.
"Oh poor old man!
We must give him
a proper burial!"
Yes, that's right.
Toss me back
into the dirt.
Don't even bother
looking into
my eye sockets.
Slap a stone on top, too.
Just the right touch'
to pretend you care.
Rest In Peace.
Yeah right.
One day,
some brave soul
will dare to unbutton
my bones.
He will speak the truth
and none will believe him.
But at least
it will be said,
and on that day,
I will finally
R.I.P. |
_________________
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci
Got YWS?
"Whoever said senior year was easier than junior year lied through their teeth" A friend of mine
Last edited by niteowl on Sun Jun 22, 2008 11:19 am; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
KaatiieBugg
Writer
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 20 Jun 2008
Posts: 65
Reviews: 13
Country: USA
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:10 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Wow, this is interesting and very morbid (at least to me), but I like morbid poetry.
Good job, I liked the hint of sarcasm in the teller's voice.
Favorite Part:
| Quote: |
They want to make buttons
out of my bones.
|
The beginning was interesting and caught my eye at once. NIce work niteowl! |
_________________
Writing: My Anti-Drug |
|
| Back to top |
|
Charliebo
Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 29 Apr 2008
Posts: 68
Reviews: 43
Country: Britain
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 5:31 pm Post subject: |
|
|
i think this is a very interesting poem.
To be honest, i didn't really like the more coloquial (please excuse crappy spelling) terms, like 'yeah, right.'
I think it's because it seemed out of place. However, that may be the intention.
'don't even bother
looking into
my eye sockets'
this line confused me. I didn't know whether you were speaking metephorically or not. did you mean sort of 'looking into my eyes' but wrote eye sockets because he is a skeleton?
i adore the unbuttoning bones idea. It's wonderful - you should be really pleased with yourself!
i thought that this poem had a lot of highlights, but maybe rethink the coloquial stuff that i mentioned earlier.
that's all i really have to say. really well done.
best of luck with later stuff.
charlie. |
_________________
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
-- George Carlin |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
|
|
| This thread was created on June 21, 2008 |
Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again. - James R. Cook
|
