ELEVEN

“Elliot, it’s pub night tomorrow. I’ll go out then, but right now, I’m busy”.

Elliot gritted his teeth. “Come on Dan, just come for a couple of drinks. I’ll buy you one”.

Daniel looked up from his work and faced Elliot. “Why are you so desperate to go out all of a sudden?”

Elliot thought about that question, and decided the honest answer was probably left best alone in his own head. Truthfully, he just wanted to go out, have fun, get drunk and, if he was lucky, remember none of it in the morning. If he was even luckier, he might not notice the now regular missed calls from his mother. The call this morning brought the count up to seven.

He didn’t want to ignore them. In fact, he’d like nothing more than to pick up the phone and talk to his mum. He’d like noting more than to sit and talk to her for an hour, talk to her about things only she would understand. But he didn’t know where to start. He wouldn’t know what to say when he answered the phone, when she started talking about Dad, when she inevitably started crying. The easier option was just to ignore the phone calls, or try and pretend he’d never received them in the first place.

“I’m just bored,” Elliot finally replied. “I fancy getting out of the flat”.

“Right”. Daniel’s attention returned to his studies. “You have fun with that. I’ll be here when you get back”.

“Alright, I get the idea. Is Jess in? She might fancy it.”

“She’s staying with Will tonight. He picked her up from the hospital.”

Elliot smiled and rubbed his hands together sarcastically. “Just me then”.

Elliot left the flat, heading for the nearest pub. As desperate as he was for a drink, he didn’t want to spend the night alone. Pulling out his mobile, he sent a text message to Zoe. She would come out to drown their collective sorrows. She wouldn’t let him down.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Zoe was waiting outside the pub for Elliot as he turned the corner. She looked like he felt; fed up, exhausted, but trying her best to put on a brave face. Elliot wondered if his disguise was equally as transparent.

They entered the pub, bought a couple of drinks, and found seats in the corner of the room. The carpet was sticky, the walls were grimy and the air smelled damp and musty, but the beer was cold, and the pub was quiet enough for some sort of civilised conversation.

“You wanted a chat?”

Elliot smiled. “I wanted a drink.”

“Charming”, Zoe replied. “I thought you were here for the gripping conversation.”

“Sort of. That, and a drink.”

Elliot had only known Zoe for less than a week, but she seemed to know him as well as if they’d been friends for life. In some ways, it was easier to talk to her than it was to talk to Daniel, or any of his other friends. Zoe came without all of the baggage that everyone else was laden with. He didn’t have to worry about boring Zoe, because he knew she didn’t have to be there. He didn’t have to worry about offending Zoe, because he didn’t have to live with her. They could go out, have a chat, and leave it at that. It was separate from the rest of his life, and Elliot appreciated having somebody that he could talk to in such an uninhibited way, and he got the feeling that Zoe felt the same.

“So how’s life?” Zoe asked.

“Stressful. Mum keeps ringing me”.

“How’s she coping?”

Elliot bit his lip and sunk back into his chair. He was almost too embarrassed to answer.

“I haven’t spoken to her. I just can’t bring myself to answer her calls and hear her crying down the phone”.

“You’ll have to speak to her sometime, and there’s no use waiting for your Dad to come back before you do. It’s not going to happen, Elliot.”

“You’re sounding exactly like my brother.”

“Well that makes two of us then. We can’t both be wrong”.

Elliot suddenly wished he was alone. He still wasn’t ready to talk about his Dad like this. He wasn’t ready to admit to himself, let alone anyone else, that his father was dead. James was right; he hadn’t finished grieving. He couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take him. The past three weeks had been a living hell as he tried to get used to the fact that he would never see his father again. For the past three weeks, he’d been losing sleep, losing concentration, losing all control over himself and his emotions, and he wasn’t sure he could take it for much longer.

“Maybe you should be at home, in bed”, Zoe suggested, trying hard to keep Elliot’s gaze. He was finding it difficult to look her in the eye.

“What good is it going to do being in that flat? I just have to put on a constant act and pretend everything’s alright.”

“You mean they don’t know?”

“Of course they don’t know! They’re all too busy with their own issues; they haven’t got time for mine.”

“Meaning what, exactly?”

“Well how do I slip my Dad’s death into conversation when Jayne’s too busy getting admitted to hospital and Daniel’s wrapped up in chasing after the girl of his dreams?”

Elliot swore under his breath. Why couldn’t he think before he spoke? It wasn’t exactly a smart move to mention Kate or Daniel in his present company.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that”.

Zoe blinked back the shock and combed her fingers through her hair.

“It’s fine. You’re only telling it like it is”.

“I’m exaggerating anyway; he’s hardly chasing her. He’s just…”

“Pining?”

Elliot nodded. Zoe carried on speaking.

“Then he must have time for you. You’re meant to be best friends, yet he has no idea what’s going on in your head.”

“It’s not about time”, Elliot explained, his empty glass constantly visible in the corner of his eye. “I just don’t want to go into it with him. We talk about the boat race, and we talk about the rugby, and we talk about girls. How can I put this on his shoulders?”

“Because you can’t carry it by yourself. Daniel seems like a sensitive guy; he’ll be more than willing to help.”

“Willing, maybe, but able? His Dad is still alive, and trust me, there’s no way anyone can have an idea of what this feels like unless they’ve tried it themselves.”

“Come on Elliot, give him some credit. Let him have a go.”

Elliot thought about it. Zoe was fighting Daniel’s corner pretty well. She’d presented a good case, and Elliot couldn’t think of any proper objections. Maybe she was right. Maybe he ought to give Daniel a go, see if the genius could get his head around this one.

Zoe finished her drink and stood up. She took her jacket off the back of the chair and put it on, getting ready to leave.

“What have you got to lose?”

With that, she left Elliot sitting there by himself, the question resonating inside his already full skull. His glass was empty, and he decided to leave it that way. He sat still for a couple of seconds, head in his hands, before standing up and heading for the door. He was going to go back to the flat and, providing Daniel was still awake, follow Zoe’s advice. After all, he had nothing to lose.